an open space

I have been deceived. How about you? (a reflection on SFC 18th ICON)

2011-03-02T16:28:00.006+08:00

the recent SFC ICON experience is indescribable.it's actually quite difficult to organize my thoughts and emotions as i write this blog entry.this entry has been in my "drafts" folder for so many days now.

the experience was overwhelming. a weekend spent with lovers of Christ has always been very nourishing to one's soul most especially to a wandering soul like me. i was again reminded to be strong...to stand...to fight.

i have numerous unanswered questions, unrealized goals and forgotten dreams. Because things aren't turning out the way i wish them to be, I have started to doubt myself...maybe "I am not good enough", "I am not beautiful enough" "I just don't have what it takes". I have started to accept things as they are --there are just things not meant to be. as for my life, it's just not meant to be easy.

i thought all my emotions are valid, i have accepted all the facts anyway but moving on from my past doesn't necessarily mean i have been moving forward. the enemy has been deceiving me with all the good lies. my community, my service and expression of my faith became my comfort zones . my known facts are not God's realities. often times, i simply deny the truth in front of me and i have not been picking up all the lessons from the trials i have faced.i became very complacent. i realized i need to know what my true battles are and gear up for the real fight.i should be consciously aware and fight for my heart's convictions...and i myself should be convinced enough to take a stand.admittedly, the devil's trap is so beautifully wrapped that i fall in sometimes.unconsciously,along the way under the enemy's trap, i have lost my sense of self and my true essence being God's beloved daughter.

since life is all about choices and God's greatest gift to us is free will, the search for happiness has become a continuous struggle. along the way, we may get hurt because of the wrong choices we made or even because we chose to be right. hence, we should not forget (let me quote our ICON 2nd session speaker Fr. Joel Jason) that "no area in your life is so painful that God's grace cannot bring total healing". Even in our pains, God's greatness can be revealed.

The battle is not just external, sometimes, the greater battle is what's inside of us .How we deal with our inner struggles are just being manifested with our actions. I'm almost 11 years in SFC and sadly , I couldn't even consider myself to be strong enough.In my dark moments that I am clouded by doubts and fears, the enemy successfully made me feel "abandoned". However, every time I surrender all up to God and every time I acknowledge that I am helpless and weak- I once again feel His love and protection. It didn't go away, I just failed to recognize that it was there all along.

Let's pray for one another --- that in our daily lives, we choose only what's true, let us not be deceived by the father of lies. Let us all remember that Jesus has already won our victory. Everyday, let us protect ourselves from the enemy's onslaught by putting on The Full Armor of God.

how i wrapped 2010 travel

2011-02-10T12:08:00.000+08:00

i am about to have my first travel this year next week. recalling how wonderful travel life has been last year, i can't help but be excited for the upcoming travel schedule. so far, there are already 3 confirmed destinations for the half of the year.i think i took Bo Sanchez's talk of encouraging people to take at least 10 vacations a year seriously.however, i don't think i'll beat last year's 14 destinations but will be very grateful if i'll be able to :) here's the complete list of 2010 travel destinations and so looking forward where 2011 will bring me.2010, travel buddies, thanks for all the fun :)

top words for 2010

2010-12-17T16:54:00.019+08:00

2010 is all about time spent for myself and for doing things i have never done before.it's all about realizing my own strengths, looking for simple joys and just being human and letting God be God. it's all about Him filling my empty cup with His love and miracles...it has been a wonderful journey with people who were strangers, friends, family and making new memories. let me share with you my TOP WORDS for the year...just to thank the people who've helped me made it through.

admission - at the start of the year, i had to make a decision to stand up for a major decision i did at the end of 2009.i had to admit, i've been hurt and i was really angry. i had to cry and let it out...the word composure became strange to me. suddenly my known realities have changed. i had to withdraw from habits and create new beginnings. somehow, i had to make twists to a familiar world. i had to admit to myself that it's time to truly move on, it's time to forget...to simply forget the good and the bad of yesterdays. there were lessons and i have to hold on to them as i face my new reality.

recollection - i have realized the better side of having been involved in communities, so many companies and keeping small and yet very supportive friends. meeting one group after the other for coffee, dinner, fellowships and prayer meetings were the things that have kept my Fridays and weekends fully occupied. i tried recollecting myself once again, somehow i felt the need to know my old self , restore friendships and get to fully understand God's message for me this time. there were moments for exchanging stories and there were also moments of just being still. both moments, i have truly appreciated as both have let me felt blessed in every encounter i had with people, myself and God.

exploration- yo! dear country with 7,107 islands, my 365 days is not enough for you :) this year, i have traveled with different travel buddies. i have gone up to the mountains, to the depths of the sea and have been so close to the clouds many times than before. i have traveled to simply enjoy life's simplicity, the beauty of nature and good company of strangers, friends and family. i have expanded my horizon as i start to dissociate memories to people and places. i started to create new ones.it was very exciting.each travel and new people to meet thrilled me. i have joined a new support group, attended reunions and i even became the most "kaladkarin" person to all my friends' gimmicks, travels and even family bonding time.i have broadened the world i used to know and i thank God for the gift of time.

reparation- putting myself back into one piece was very challenging. i remember the very day i've been dreaming about the moment when i wouldn't just feel any pain...when there will be scars but don't matter anymore. i realized i have that power to heal myself. i've prayed for this, i've worked hard for this and God never left me...He never fails to cheer me up, He never fails to remind me I am being loved. I've been healed because I have allowed God to love me more, to create miracles in my life and to appreciate His plans for me. I didn't need to change myself, I just needed to pass through a stage where my own weaknesses and strengths will be revealed, a phase where I have to live a day at a time.i appreciate my own wounds now because i have discovered what my deepest desires are.

preparation- this year has also been a year of preparation (as i want to believe it). i know i'm now ready for greater joys, bigger blessings and realization of all my dreams. i have been strengthened by trials and i have never felt this thirsty again for God...truly, in your darkest moment, He'll let you feel that He's ever present

celebration- the remaining days of the year, I'll be surrounded with good people who love me so much. I love to celebrate Jesus' birthday with them :) They made Jesus so real in my life because they love me unconditionally, lifted my spirit high, supported me and never left me with this journey. for the people who've stayed with me through crying and laughing times, who gave me messages of hope, who've never given up on me, who've never let me do stupid things alone, the people who've always been praying for me and believed in me even though i was at a point that i didn't have enough belief in myself, here's my one big message:

THANK YOU!

travelling anew

2010-08-13T15:43:00.005+08:00

when i left RS, two years ago, i wasn't really expecting that I'll be travelling as much as I used to. I actually regret that I didn't maximize my business trips then so right now, when I get the chance to travel, I've been documenting evrything. Photos for digiscraps are now lined up that even if I don't have internet connection, I still have something to do at home. recently, I realized that :

1) I simply love doing non-work related layouts
2) I love my country...so much to be explored...so much to do
3) I actually have willing travel buddies who can go crazy with me
4) Waiting for promo fares became an addiction
5) My limited budget can go far (literally & figuratively)
6) Though not free, I appreciate personal trips than business trips. no work involved (hahaha), just pure pleasure :) and expenditures (argh!)

hmmmm, I still have 2 months to fill up. takers, anyone?

How To Win The Race You're Running

2010-06-13T19:52:00.003+08:00

Persevere in whatever race you're running. Don't just start it but be sure to finish it. Remember that being in heaven is our ultimate prize but God is not actually just waiting for you to be there, He's running with you in this race. He knows when you're tired and comforts you, He helps you carry your load.

In order to win the race, here are 5 helpful tips:

a) Focus on the prize. Don't look back.

b) Find a healthy distraction- one that will distract you from the burden of the work.

c) Plot short-term goals. Bite-size your goals and celebrate small victories.

d) Get a running mate. Someone that will help you continue on with the race.

e) Run the right race. Do it for the right reason. The only permanent motivation is love because we are made from love.

I am running a spiritual race since the start of 2010. I have never felt so hungry for God's words and God's presence in my life as certain circumstances made me really weak in all aspects. I know that God loves me so much and the assurance that I heard from today's feast that He's running with me in this race almost made me cry. I've been running in circles lately... just keeping myself busy and trying to find something i don't really know along the way. I just realized that despite the confusions around, He's keeping me on track. Admittedly, I am not so focused, I was just running and running and running that's why I easily get tired but He never left me. He leads me to running mates and showing me the right race. I need to love myself more, the decision to slowly let go of the wrong races I ran through before actually pleased Him. I feel that I am getting there. The first half of the year is about to end, I feel that it pleases Him that I have given myself enough love--- I have regular spiritual nourishment (through households, SFC talks, retreat and prayer time has never been this consistent), Regular exercise is keeping me fit and I'm giving myself a chance to see and experience some little heaven on earth.

I pray that I'll start to be really focused...I still have unhealthy thoughts and God-given running mates are helping me finish this race ---simply cheering me on and giving me motivation.Continue to pray for me as well, may you also run with me.

Here's a take-away from Today's Feast that was led by Brother George Gabriel at Valle Verde Country Club.

Passport renewal

2010-05-23T21:33:00.004+08:00

here's where you can schedule an appointment with DFA for your passport application and renewal : www.passport.com.ph .

I didn't know about it until anna mentioned that her friend who was trying to get an appointment couldn't get a date earlier than june 26, she has a flight on may 26 :( all along i thought renewal won't give me a hard time since i lost mine few years ago and just visiting DFA office during that time took me less a day to apply for a replacement...but to my surprise, I couldn't get an appointment earlier than july 07 for my renewal...i have a scheduled flight on july 01!!! my persistent self and my mouse-clicking fingers just made me click "reload" (right-click) several times and God gave me a miracle, i was able to schedule myself next Friday, May 28! whew!

Btw, normal processing is now 20 days and rush processing is now 10 days. set an appointment early!

geez, God loves me!

on unanswered prayers

2010-04-26T14:05:00.001+08:00

wrote this poem 15 years ago...haven't written a single poem in years :P

Pagtanggap

Sino pa ang kakapitan
kundi ikaw lamang
Nag-iisa kong sandigan
na laging karamay
Alam mo ang lahat
Alam lahat ng nararapat
Tanging dalangin ko lang
Ngayon ako'y pagbigyan
Kung hindi pa panahon
Sana'y gawin mo ng ngayon
Kung hindi naman para sa akin
Sana'y makayanan kong tanggapin

blankly staring

2010-04-13T14:31:00.004+08:00

i could forever be hopeful but it's surprisingly difficult to do so when you know deep in your heart that you're simply exhausted. i'm now at a point that i see myself as a mere spectator of how things and people come and go. i continue to function & i continue to breathe but have i really been living? i'm taking one day at a time then look back, assess...i'm quite okay...people appreciate me...i always do my best in everything...i must have been so stuck living in the present and forgot to plan. i couldn't see the bigger picture, i'm having a hard time envisioning the future...at this point, i couldn't link my past, my present and my future...coz even if i have done good things in the past, i couldn't see my reward in the present and i couldn't be sure that i'll reap what i'm sowing presently in the future...admittedly, i still have issues of inabilty to fully trust...i can't pretend and smile that everything's okay...i have done that a lot of times...wrong move.

i'm becoming impatient. i'm hating the word "someday", that "someday" in the past is "now" at the present...i haven't accomplished much, i just let the time passed, i was busy doing the right things and it didn't really get me anywhere. right now, i'm still basically the same...with just a bigger salary, with just more responsibilities and i can't even tell if i have been truly happy. i love serving and loving other people, i told myself before not to expect anything in return...believing that everything i've given should be free...but sadly, as human as I was, I expected...maybe not for people to bring back everything I've given but for God to at least let me do things I love doing for others as long as I can or until forever if there's truly such a word...to serve...to love...to care for people with whom i invested emotionally that is. Reality is unfolding slowly...I'm left alone. I know this is just a matter of seeing things differently...but presently, let me just acknowledge that I'm not happy, I'm hurt, disappointed, frustrated, depressed and angry.

I couldn't blame anyone right now but myself...for trusting the wrong people, for expecting too much, for having a difficult time to accept everything. who wants all this negativity? definitely, NOT ME but I'VE REACHED SATURATION POINT...I FEEL LIKE BURSTING.the good person in me wants to forgive but let me just tell that I'M NOT A HYPOCRITE TO WISH WELL THE PEOPLE WHO HURT ME. if only i have also done wrong to these people, maybe i can easily accept that these are all because of my shortcomings, maybe i just haven't done enough..but NO, I JUST WOKE UP ONE DAY CARRYING ALL THE PAINS CAUSED BY SOMEBODY ELSE'S SELFISHNESS.

I am blankly staring at life now. maybe, in time I'll also be part of the scene. it could be better this way temporarily for now.

GOD NEVER SEES US AS FAILURES BUT LEARNERS by Arman Seguis on 21st Mar 2010

2010-03-25T17:16:00.004+08:00

repost from http://www.boplanet.com/

It is how we respond to failures and mistakes is one of the most important decisions we make everyday of our life. Failure does not mean that nothing has been accomplished. There is always the opportunity to learn something.

I have so much failures in life and i think everyone does as well, but the good thing for us that in every failure we did is an opportunity to make us a better person. We all experience failure and make mistakes. In fact, successful people always have more failure in thier lives than average people do. Great people throughout history have all failed at some point in their lives. Those who do not expect anything are never disappointed, those who never try never fail. Anyone who is currently achieving anything in life is simultaneously risking failure. It is better to fail in doing something than to excel at doing nothing. A flawed diamond is more valuable that a perfect brick. People who have no failures also have few victories.

God never sees any of us as failures, He only sees us as learners. He allows us to fail and commit mistakes for us to learn. When we are a child and wanted to walk, we slowly stand up and take a first step with courage, yes we fall but the good thing i remember that everytime we fall to take the first step to walk we are never tired to try again and again until we learn to walk. That is what God wants us to be. Not failures but learners.

Learn the lesson and forget the details for your failures. Have you ever noticed that the devil never reminds you of the lesson? He only wants you to remember the details. Gain from the experience, but do not roll the minute details of it over and over in your mind. Build on the experience, and get on with your life.

Remember that the call is higher than the fall.

Psalm 55:22 says " Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the rigtheous fall."

IN JESUS' NAME.. AMEN.

GOD BLESS US ALL.

Psalms to live by

2010-03-17T09:59:00.000+08:00

God has been constantly reminding me to trust Him. When I was writing my weekly letter to Padre Pio last Thursday, I wrote about being sorry for having doubted God a lot of times and for not fully trusting Him and then I was lead to Psalm 4:4-5 as I was browsing through an online Bible . I was reminded to be silent and do not entertain sin even in my state of anger. This is why I blogged a prayer last Saturday. I was surprised that people still read blogs as I know a lot are into facebook nowadays.Nicky, a brother from SFC dropped a comment and reminded me again to Trust in the Lord. He shared Psalm 27:13-14.

So I'll be constantly reminded of these Psalms, I have posted them on my PC's monitor.

Everyday, I'll appreciate your goodness and love, Lord. Thank you for leading me to your messages of love.

E-N-D

2010-03-14T15:43:00.002+08:00

dear God,

i'm feeling it again...all the negative things i have tried to ignore for the past months. help me that i'll be able to truly embrace the present. help me so i will realize my true value. help me that i may genuinely appreciate the life i have right now. it's still quite lonely...i cared too much, i loved too much and unfortunately expected too much. this has been a long, rough journey and i hope to reach the E-N-D..Entirely New Direction.

i am praying for my heart…heal all the wounds that past experiences have caused. as i carry my cross, constantly remind me that you are in this journey too.help me that i may live and love like your son Jesus did. lastly, i pray that i may experience true joy & peace. AMEN.

God is love, Be His Genuine Instrument

2010-02-09T16:40:00.003+08:00

I understand that God's love is universal, He doesn't choose whom to love.

Even if you continue to sin, He still loves you but please, please don't hurt those people whom He also loves aside from you because by doing so, you hurt Him more.

Be considerate. Be sensitive. Be kind. Be truly loving.

Don't abuse the word love. It's God-given. Be a genuine love-giver. Be God's real instrument.

enjoying

2010-02-04T16:14:00.002+08:00

i think i'm fully enjoying all the benefits :)

sometimes i wonder if everything would be the same as they were before, would i have:

discovered new things? rediscovered?
rekindled?
explored?
better options?
been worry-free as i am today?

it's a good change actually and because i know i didn't step on anyone, wasn't selfish, didn't steal to pursue what i desperately need for myself....i'm getting real, sweet, rewards from Him. Thank You....i know the best is yet to come..and when it comes to gifts I receive from You, I do have an expectant faith :)

P.S
i'm loving the way blogging became so private when facebook became so public

Note to self

2010-01-05T11:27:00.001+08:00

for the meantime, just think of the moment
enjoy what it has to offer
tomorrow offers another story
the past has done its purpose

for the meantime, think of yourself
all the love, care, service, generosity and happiness you have given to others
are the same things you have forgotten to give your most deserved self

for the meantime,
let blank space fill your mind.
empty it from worries, hopelessness, anger, evil thoughts, pains and hurts.
do the same with your heart, give it its much needed rest.

when you're ready, smile again :)

i continue to be

2009-12-18T16:03:00.003+08:00

this year, i have realized one thing...people can just be so rude even if you have not done any harm to them. i have started the year with sorrow and i was hoping to end it joyfully. 2009 involved a lot of crying for me. God has once again strengthened my being, my personality & most of all my faith. i'm looking forward to a better year on 2010. i'm just encapping everything this month then i'll be done. as i was doing this, i was hoping that the person who caused my recent pain would respect my time of healing...i was wrong. nevertheless, i was able to move on.i'm done feeling sorry for myself ...what for? in my understanding, i should feel sorry to those people whose lives remain to be a vicious cycle. as for myself, i have never done anything that would cause anyone too much pain & i tried to be the best that i can be in all the roles that God asked me to portray. with that, i have no regrets...i have sinned as usual and sometimes felt that i'm not worthy to be called His child but God has been so reassuring that He loves me no matter what. His love remains to be the only constant thing in my chaotic world. God sent me a lot of people to show me how much I am loved....i have deeply appreciated the presence of friends and family during those times of trials.

i know for a fact that i still have unclear vision of God's plans for me...all I know is that He'll never leave me, He never did.

Prayer for Patience

2009-12-02T14:05:00.002+08:00

Lord, teach me to be patient - with life, with people,and with myself. I sometimes try to hurry things along too much, and I push for answers before the time is right.

Teach me to trust Your sense of timing rather than my own and to surrender my will to Your greater and wiser plan.

Help me let life unfold slowly, like the small rosebud whose petals unravel bit by bit, and remind me that in hurrying the bloom along, I destroy the bud and much of the beauty therein. Instead, let me wait for all to unfold in its own time. Each moment and state of growth contains a loveliness.

Teach me to slow down enough to appreciate life and all it holds. Amen

Ikaw Mismo!

2009-09-11T13:39:00.001+08:00

Are you going to finish strong?

2009-04-23T08:14:00.005+08:00

this video has blessed my day, i hope it will bless yours too!

Be proud to be Pinoy

2009-04-21T11:58:00.005+08:00

"JM was randomly approached by a stranger at the train yesterday who complains about the Philippines' hopelessness and responded like, "You better read up more about my country's current improvements and our history to understand our plight & if you have a valid statement." Pinoys in foreign lands, it may be tough but I guess we have a responsibility to stand up against people like this everyday" posted last Monday.

when i saw this on JM's facebook's status message, I knew there's more meat to it so i asked....

jeng: ano yung nag-approach sa yo? alam pinoy ka?
JM Junio: ang una nga eh...
JM Junio: you look chinese but you speak filipino
JM Junio: na pagupo ko tinititigan muna ko
jeng: hehe tpos nung nalamang pinoy ka, mega-litanya?
JM Junio: oo noh
jeng: ano nationality nya?
JM Junio: tapos sinasabi ko you have to understand that we were colonized for centuries and this is part of our adjustment period
JM Junio: chinese
JM Junio: tapos sabi nya, wala daw connection yun bakit naman daw singapore, hong kong maayos kahit nacolonize
jeng: eh ilang taon lang naman?
jeng: tyo 333 years---spaniards lang yan
JM Junio: eh sabi ko "kasi magandang model of governance ang pinakita ng british, eh tingnan mo nga ang spain, mahirap na
JM Junio: sabi ko pa, tingnan mo din ang nangyari sa mga latin american countries mahirap din
JM Junio: tapos bigla nyang sinabi, but you shouldn't live bec of the past
JM Junio: sabi ko, "that's part of our identity and you can't hide that where we are is a great effect of our colonization"
JM Junio: tapos sabi nya, bakit daw walang improvement sa pilipinas
JM Junio: sabi ko, "if you're reading enough, you will find out that this is the time when our GDP growth is the highest"
JM Junio: matanda na yan
jeng: haha...oo nga baseless personal opinion...bati naman kayo pagkatpos?
JM Junio: eh pababa na sya, so nagmadali sabi "i know phils is a nice country, been there so many times and it will improve" sinabi nya kasi nagmamadali na sya
JM Junio: ineexpect nya na ilalaglag ko pilipinas
jeng: so proud of you! this is worth blogging
JM Junio: oo nga
jeng: ipo-post ko muna
JM Junio: mapapaupdate tuloy ako ng blog ko
JM Junio: at parang naging mababa pa ko na hindi ako chinese
JM Junio: sinabi ko na lang na "like most filipinos, i have chinese blood"

i think JM's last statement was funny...how could he even speak lowly of Filipinos?there's Chinese blood running in our veins!

whenever I go to other countries , i have numerously been mistaken to be a citizen of other countries and not Filipina. At first this surprised me a lot having brown skin and all...but yeah, I do look like Malaysian and Indonesian (sadly even a fellow kababayan mistaken me to be Indonesian) as well but whenever asked, I proudly say that I am Pinay...and proud!

How proudly Pinoy are you?

Ending a day of negativity

2009-04-08T22:50:00.003+08:00

someone reminded me to put negative thoughts behind yesterday, so as i was putting myself to sleep last night, i listed and shared my happy thoughts for the day:

a) God reminded me early this morning that it is better to love than to be right
b) today's work has been pleasant, productive and surprisingly, circumstances were on my side. my stars must have aligned really early
c) pressing statements came out but i was forgiven
d) God reminded me again that i am loved...so thankful that no one insisted to be right...i was not the only one who chose to love
e) night ended sweetly

find your heart's missing piece . . .

2009-03-27T14:10:00.000+08:00

MY ONE TRUE LOVE by Dolly Macam, SFC South B5A

2009-03-20T15:10:00.007+08:00

reposting this entry from SFC website.

haay, i wish i was the one who wrote this, hehe...it's just sooo beautifully written.highlighted are the ones that struck me personally...read on and hope this sharing will bless you the way it did to me..

I am being pursued by God since the day He brought me to this world. He gave me a set of parents who would give me the greatest gift of all: my faith. Having introduced me to prayer at an early age, I was able to seek God on my own and that beautiful beginning set me on a personal journey to a deeper relationship with Him.

I encountered God in various ways at different stages in my life. Sometimes He is Healer, Teacher, Brother, Redeemer, Provider, Consoler, Protector, Personal Savior and Friend. I first came to know Him by the Name of Jesus.

Jesus is the One who died for me. He is the Savior of Mankind and God`s Only Begotten Son. Jesus Christ is my Master and I am His disciple. Jesus is the one I call when I am afraid. He is the one I beg for help when I am in need. It is in His name that I ask all things from the Lord. And His name is the most powerful weapon here on earth.

Later, I would call on Him to come as the Holy Spirit. He is my inspiration. He tells me how to communicate with God. He guides me and animates my soul through His various gifts. He fills me and gives me grace to do good things and to overcome temptations.Surprisingly, the very last Name for me to call upon Him was Father. But when I did, He became Father to me in the truest sense of the word. He is the Father who lets me sleep all morning. I may have missed the sunrise but He will make sure I saw the bright moon and the stars. He is the Father who provides for my family and makes sure everyone is safe and healthy. He is the Father who gives me money to spend for my needs but reminds me to give Him what is His. He is the Father who disciplines me but at the same time shows me forgiveness, mercy & love. He is the Father who listens to my woes of love and soothes my hurts. And He is the same Father I can just be the silly me with and who will never laugh or yawn at the mundane, trivial, crazy details I tell Him about my life.

Perhaps, God has finally caught up in His pursuit of me and my being able to call Him Father and seek Him with all my heart was how I know our relationship has reached an entirely new level.

When I sought God, He did not disappoint me. He immediately made Himself known. He allowed Himself to be found, like He promised me in Jeremiah. I found a hunger for Him that could never quite be satisfied. He gave me a new appreciation for His Word. He speaks to me most clearly when I pray the Bible. He allows His living Spirit to fill me and enable me to counsel my brothers and sisters in need of comfort, understanding and love. He also enlivened in me the desire to receive Him in daily communion. And He gives me the grace to reconcile myself with Him to purify this spiritual union.

As my relationship with Him grew, my encounters with Him became more familiar and I have come to know Him in more intimate ways. Sometimes He is simply Listener. Sometimes He is the perfect Gentleman. He talks to me over cups of coffee. He says something to me from a book or a line from a movie. He reaches out His hand to me through a friend. He moves me through nature`s bounty and beauty. He admonishes me in the confessional. He loves me through my parents. He affirms me through the random people He sends me to practice His most favorite verb, love.

But I do not always see God`s hand at work. When He calls me, I do not always respond immediately. And my answer is not always yes. Sometimes I consider His work as my work. When He commands me, I forget that He has already planted the seeds and given them life; that all I really needed to do was to tend to them.

Sometimes I feel the weight of responsibility for His people heavy on my shoulders, forgetting that the burden is not mine to lift but His. I sometimes listen to the evil voices reminding me of my unworthiness, making me feel unequal to the task. I forget that the One who sends me is the limitless source of all strength and I will be prepared for the mission at hand. I forget also that God has riddled my life with trials and sufferings that already molded my character and refined, if not perfected my faith. I forget that I have been well and truly broken especially for God`s holy purpose.

Fortunately, these memory losses are but short-term. He sends legions of angels to remind me that I am His and that He is in charge of every aspect of my life.If I have suffered enough and cried out for help, He would always make sure I have learned the lesson first before He exempt me or take me away from the experience. His tests are only difficult if I do things my way. The evil one will show me ways to cheat. He will tempt me to choose what is convenient over what is right. And sometimes, he will also make me feel it is more important to be right than to be good. But God`s rules on good and evil are unchanging and could never be manipulated. No matter how modern the times may be, His laws could never be compromised. I love how patient He is with me when I choose convenience over righteousness, or pride over goodness. I love how lovingly He corrects me even when my mistakes have caused others and Him great pain. I love how He continues to love me and shower blessings upon me even though I have been far away from Him. He never fails to remind me that He has never forgotten me even if I have forgotten Him.

What I love most are the times God gives me a second chance to make things right, to do better, to forgive, to reach out, to take responsibility, to bring peace, to serve, to love. He makes me feel like my past mistakes never happened; that when I repented for all my sins, I am made as white as snow by His forgiveness. He gives me a clean slate. He gives me a fresh start. He gives me more than I deserve. Those times are the best…to be back in God`s favor, to admit mistakes and learn from them, to know humility and know I have nothing to boast before God, to surrender everything and let His will be done.

When God gave the instructions in Corinthians on how to love, He was really speaking to me about the kind of Love He has for me. And He never gave instructions which He never backed up by solid examples. The whole story of Jesus` Crucifixion is a poignant love story…and a seemingly unrequited one at that. When my mother told me this story when I was a little girl, I wanted to do physical harm to everyone who ever caused Jesus pain. Now I am older, I die a little death for the pain I myself have inflicted upon Him.

Sometimes I wonder where that little girl had gone. I wonder how I allowed the world to soil my soul and corrupt my heart. But when God looks at me, He only sees that little girl who loved Him with all her heart. And He gently coaxes me to let that little girl out and love Him again. He reaches out His hand, silently asking me to have faith in Him. And little by little, that child-like trust and love for God fought their way out. And I am His little girl once more. My Father`s love has never left me empty or cold or wanting. He has made me complete as a person and restored my heart for loving again. He taught me to put the past where it belongs and let Him take care of my future. He only asks me to live NOW. To be present in this moment and open my eyes to His many blessings that are sometimes disguised as adversities. To learn from and appreciate all the people He has handpicked to give me my life`s lessons. But most especially, He asks me to believe and not be afraid.

He is my one true love. He has sewn the blueprint of this love into the tapestry of my soul. This is my map, my guide, my compass if I ever lose my way home. He made sure I can just close my eyes and think of Him and my heart will know where to go. My love for Him is not perfect. But the important thing is that His love for me is. And if I fix my eyes on Him, I will slowly but surely learn His ways.

My life could not be more perfect because I am confident that I am loved perfectly by God. This unshakable truth is my foundation to loving myself more, to loving others more, and most especially, to loving God more. What can I say? I`m a Daddy`s girl.

He is more than enough for me and in Him, my joy is complete...what more could a girl ask for? =)

A very timely household topic we discussed last night

2009-03-18T14:41:00.012+08:00

COMPLAINING HEART

It seems to be in a nature of people, even God's people, to complain.When the Israelites were liberated from slavery in Egypt after 430 years, and God have miraculously destroyed the Egyptian army to saved them. In just a short while they were already grumbling against Moses. They grumbled about drinking water (Ex 15:24) and about the lack of food (Ex: 16:2-3) and again about the lack of water (Ex 17:2-3) each time God provided for their needs. The people however were quick to forget the good and kept focusing only on the bad. Today, we still complain.

We complain about the difficulties of life rather than thanking God for the gift of life.
We complain about the long mass and the boring homily, rather than praising God for the Eucharistic celebration of his people, where we are able to partake of his very flesh and blood.
We complain about the dirty and unproductive poor in our midst rather than in seeing them as brethren to love with delightful opportunity to minister to least of our brethren and thus make it to heaven.

REJOICING IN THE CROSS

So if we are to suffer difficulty, trial, pain attacks, lack of appreciation and the like--do not complain rather, rejoice! These opportunities for salvation, for growing in holiness, for being honed as a warrior of God. Such trying times are opportunities for us to follow Christ most closely.

When more money is ask of us by community, rejoice and give, otherwise we robe God of what belongs to Him and we deprive his people of what God intends for them to experience by way of Christian ministry. We rejoice in the privilege of giving, and know that God loves a cheerful giver (2 Cor 9:2-7), otherwise we might give but still fall into the sin of grumbling. As we fail to appreciate the wonderful privilege of being tapped by God to participate in his work. Jesus has said that: "Where your treasure is there also will your heart be" (Mt. 6:21). God does not want your money, He already own everything, right? He wants you and of course when your heart is right then everything else follows according to the will of God.

When people including the poor are hard to love, rejoice, when they're insensitive, unloving, ungrateful, these times are opportunities for us to grow in the Lord. How will we ever grow in patience if there are no people to test your patience? How will we ever grow in forgiveness if there are no people to do wrong? As it is, loving hard to love people is a way for us to grow in important Christian values such as patience, tolerance, perseverance, forgiveness.

Guide Questions:

What are your complains about life, family, work, community, service?

Do you see a brighter side to all this?

Jesus tells those who want to follow him to take up their cross. How do you understand this call? Are you willing to do so?

How can you rejoice in all circumstances?

sharing...

God spoke to me once again. i have been complaining a lot lately... yes, i have gone through so much storms in life and just when i thought i am happily moving on, occurences from the past continue to haunt me.when i was answering above questions, i couldn't stop my tears...i couldn't help but cry..i couldn't help but ask why am i experiencing all these...can i remain strong? sometimes, i get tired and i'm feeling it now but i don't want to dwell on it so much and yet i still have to deal with it. sometimes, i feel there's just so much on my shoulders but that's a plain stupid thought because how can i even claim i am God's faithful servant if i don't take up my cross and follow him? sorry Lord, i have not fully trusted and i know it's wrong. at this point, i'm surrendering all my troubles up to You and i choose to remain happy because that's the kind of life You want me to have---to live the life You have planned for me.

Psalm 139:1-12

2009-03-13T09:15:00.000+08:00

¹ O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.

² You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.

³ You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.

⁴ Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.

⁵ You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.

⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

⁷ Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?

⁸ If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, ^a]">[a] you are there.

⁹ If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,

¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

¹¹ If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"

¹² even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

Matthew 6:7-15

2009-03-12T14:02:00.003+08:00

7And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. 8Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.
9"This, then, is how you should pray: " 'Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, 10your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. 11Give us today our daily bread. 12Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. 13And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.' 14For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Guide Question/s from In His Steps March 03, 2009:

What are the things that exhaust you? Have you created in your heart a desire to just lift all these up to God?

My answers:

on #1) right now,haunting past
on #2) honestly, the desire is always there but I think I am not trusting enough, i can't help but worry...so help me pray for more strength...strength in every way...spiritual, phsyical, emotional.

how my year started

2009-03-03T15:41:00.017+08:00

i have wrapped my 2008 in my previous entry, now let me move on to 2009...it's a bit late, i know.

few hours after we celebrated new year, i received a call from my uncle informing me about the sad news that my lolo emong already passed away. i felt really sad but somehow when you know that a man has done so much and lived fully, you don't want to see that person suffer longer. in my lolo's case, i have been praying for that since i saw him last Christmas. when he was diagnosed of cancer, his body rapidly became weak but his mind remained sharp until his last breath. my grandfather and the life he lived will forever be an inspiration to us, his family and to the people whose lives he has touched during his lifetime being an educator, public official and most of all, as God's servant. during his last days, all he wanted was to serve God more and maybe God wanted him to do this personally :)

i went back to Manila right after lolo's interment and reported to work after three days of being absent. so many projects were left untouched and i was feeling really bad physically due to fatigue and extreme cold climate that PH was experiencing during that week. still, i went to report for work and it was a bad decision, the paracetamols, cough syrup and antihistamine did not do any good. the following day while I was on my way to work, i felt chest pains and it was truly a miracle that i was able to reach the office despite the difficulty in breathing. upon reaching the office, i asked our messenger to send me to the hospital. . . i was in emergency room of The Medical City for almost 9 hours. Let me thank my dear friend, grace for helping me find a room, my family who have been shifting to accompany me in the hospital for four days, my friends and raul for regularly visiting me.after four days of confinement, i was asked to rest for a few more days...so that was my first two weeks of the year...unproductive but very much rested.

i have embraced these words last year

2009-02-12T09:23:00.055+08:00

love.leap.online-shopping.organic

that's my whole 2008...and here goes why:

love- since we have celebrated our first year together last month and we're both in our 30's...i need not be cheesy when it comes to talkin' about raul...wonderful...enough said.haha!

leap- career-wise, so glad to be facing new challenges :)

online-shopping-okay, now i can write more than a phrase or two. i can even write a novel,hehehe. i've been with multiply site since 2004. i've been keeping all my pictures here and it's more updated than any of my networking accounts and blogs.i never thought i'll see this site in a different light when i've discovered that a lot of people have been using this site to sell stuff.late 2008, i also bought some quite good and unique stuff.

first, is my everyday-office bag that i've purchased from sofistique . this is annie11.

this is a three-way bag that can be used as:

a) messenger bag
b) hand/shoulder bag
c) backpack bag

whenever i use this, people always say that it's beautiful.well, it is and i love the fact that i can be stylish and yet can still carry all my stuff in one bag. it's spacious and has a lot of pockets. very functional.

second, is my design your life planner from cnsdesigns .

i love the way i can personalize it . it looks plainly nice outside and yet so colorful inside. as a corporate person though i find some contents "too youthful" for me. haha. anyway, another thing i like about this is that i don't get to see a lot of people having this kind of planner...and if ever there are, content-wise...evrything would be different as each planner owner has its own style of using their creativity.

my online-buys are always stylish, functional and personal...must fit my lifestyle and character...well, that goes generally as my shopping style. since i'm not an impulsive buyer myself, going on-line makes me think carefully first before buying and i so love it...no pressure.

and oh btw, i have been selling stuff in multiply also early this year. if you are into personalized, couple's shirts and teddy bears, kindly visit http://www.jansixmktg.multiply.com/ .

third, is related to my last on the list of my 2008 words---organic

late this year, i discovered organic hair and skin care products online. i have been buying these products from humanheartnature :

HAIR CARE (shampoo, conditioner, hair mask)

one of my long-time problems is my serious, uncontrollable hair-fall. i am so thankful that these products have lessen this problem. at first, i only bought 50 mL of shampoo and conditioner, after a week of testing the products, i bought biggest sizes of each. using all these to my hair often doesn't make me worry that it'll be bad for my scalp because it's 100% organic and has no harmful chemicals. in fact, i don't feel any itchiness.

BODY, FACIAL AND LIP CARE (facial cleanser, make-up remover, toner,massage oil, shaving oil, lip balm, solid perfume)

i don't wear make-up often as removing it would take time and so much pain...ouch.. normally, i just put on moisturizer because facial products irritate my skin. good thing, i have discovered these facial products that are all-natural.their massage oil relaxes me and their shaving oil is very much gentle on the skin. my nose is quite sensitive to smell because i'm asthmatic, cologne has always been my everyday partner and now with solid perfume, i can enjoy the perfume-scent without the sneeze..hehe..oh, a must-try is also their lip balm...my one year old niece also loves it :) we are now both organic kikays.

i haven't tried all their products though, the above products are my first buys and i only bought the essentials. this company doesn't only help the environment but also our country by also supporting gawad kalinga.

how else have i gone organic? okay,okay i am no vegetarian but i do love veggies and fish more than meat but i'm still carnivorous. mid this year, i started eating brown rice...it's the only rice at home...not that i'm on a diet but i'm trying to reduce rice intake of my siblings and that goes to me too.haha. also, i've minimized use of paper and plastic bags...canvass bags are not only the in thing nowadays but it's very environment-friendly and at least in my own little way, i am helping mother nature.

these are my so-called new discoveries for 2008. the rest remain intact--- sanity, family and sevice to community.

TEDDY BEARS FOR SALE

2008-12-23T12:59:00.017+08:00

To view more pictures and to order, kindly visit http://www.jansixmktg.multiply.com/ :)

digital life...crashed

2008-12-05T11:02:00.004+08:00

when our laptop crashed during mid of this year (a good techy guy from ate dothy's ofc was able to save me from this mess :) ), i have decided to buy an external drive so i could transfer all my files.when i left RS, i know that my account profile will eventually be deleted so i also transferred those files i think i would still be needing just in case the person who'll replace me will be asking for help.so last july, i bought a new Western Digital HDD 500GB. it was so easy to use, you just basically need to plug. however, it only lasted for 4 months ... one saturday morning when i was abou to burn some files that i'll be needing for SAGIP... i cannot get power into the drive in order to turn it on. maybe the connection came loose or something ... i'm not a very techy person so i really don't know what happened. i went to the store where i bought it since it's still under warranty. i was told that manufacturer can replace the unit BUT cannot back-up the files...waaahhh!

our IT guy is trying to help me recover them all...hope you could also help me pray that he will be able to do so. he has done some initial recovering but they were unsuccessful. i asked him to talk to ate dothy's officemate who saved me during the first mess and he'll be trying another way...yeah, i lost the warranty. there are authorized companies by WD who can recover files but i have to send the unit abroad...that would be my last option as they are too costly...

it's like my whole life has crashed...all my files are there. i should have not be too trusting.

well, i have uploaded a lot of pictures at my multiply site (not all though and of course the resolution is totally different now)...but how about my corporate files? my mp3s? argh!!!

if i couldn't really afford the last option...my VERY LAST OPTION HERE IS ACCEPTANCE.

this christmas

2008-11-20T17:03:00.005+08:00

it has always been my tradition to draw out from dusty boxes our christmas tree and ornaments shortly after november 5...but it's the 2oth now, no single christmas dercoration can be seen inside the house...i don't know why there's sudden laziness. well, maybe because our family celebrated christmas too early this year...november 1! we have already received gifts from JM and we visited papa's tomb in the cemetery as one family....

my digiscrap is today's challenge owner's choice :)

2008-09-16T16:22:00.003+08:00

what a birthday gift! to view more of my works, visit http://scrapbookflair.com/badyheng

SFC EA1-C CLP invitation (Sept - Dec 2008)

2008-09-15T11:57:00.003+08:00

overwhelmed

2008-09-09T15:39:00.005+08:00

hi readers :) as i was in a hiatus mode for months, i'm not so sure anymore if i can clearly put in words all the things that happened in my life...most of these are transitions. 2008 i must say enveloped a lot of recent significant changes. i wasn't able to blog all these because things happened one after the other that left me quite occupied with coping up with changes. i have however, documented them in pictures, you may visit my multiply site to view them. now, as 2009 is getting nearer i feel that i have to put everything in writing especially that i'm still overwhelmed by how God has truly blessed me this year. If after few months or years from now and i'll decide to go back to this entry ...i want to remember the exact overwhelming experience again :)

during the start of the year, God gave me a gift, this time...romantic.haha!we're on our 8th month as of this writing. a major leap on my part i must say. as you are all probably aware, raul is my first boyfriend. since i am nearing my 30's already (next week!), i never thought that i would still be even given the chance to love someone romantically and vice versa. at first, i felt that everything just came too late for me in "love area" (i have previous blog entries on this) but i've realized that of course this is the long been talked about "God's perfect timing"...whew! haha finally happened...so everyone was shocked as i was but they're all very happy for me as well. highschool friends, college friends, former officemates from way back and relatives... all suddenly communicated with me in different ways...friendster message, e-mail, text message, multiply comments...thanks for wishing the both of us well and i hope that you'll continue to pray for our relationship.

december of last year marked my 3rd year at RS Components...my longest stay in a company so far.it has been my comfort zone for the past years and sadly, i've started to be the person that i used to hate, started to do things for the sake of doing things, it was working and losing my passion at the same time...but everything was perfect, i've mastered how to manage time, how to deal and work with everyone. i was okay...was okay but God has other plans for me...He slowly unveiled all these and mid of this year, i was hired by another employer. after 3 years and 7 months, i bid goodbye to RS Components. if this was a better career move, i have yet to see. as far as i know...i will face new career challenges again and i know this career is another gift from God so my hands are just all up praising Him.

before i got my new job, JM on the other hand, has been blessed with a new job abroad. i think this gave me enough confidence that God has always been taking care of us, our family.prior to this, we were both so worried of finances because we are now sending third to college and 3-ann to high school. of course, i was saddened that he'll be physically away (at least, when he was at IBM, we got to spend weekends together) but also glad that God is also unveiling His plans for him one by one :)

sometimes, i feel guilty...i feel that i dont deserve all these...but God assured me TWICE (during She's All That -SFC Women's Forum and ABLAZE-SFC Metro Manila Conference) that I DESERVED ALL THESE GIFTS because I AM GOD'S DAUGHTER and I AM LOVED BY HIM.

SOOO LOVED, I AM OVERWHELMED :)

an invitation to all single men & women - SFC CLP Apr-July 2008

2008-04-14T12:56:00.003+08:00

still no updates

2008-04-08T16:28:00.003+08:00

the so-called long weekend didn't make any progress in my blogging updates. i was testing our company's production site the whole saturday before it went live yesterday...it was too tiring. i think i have developed some sort of phobia to computers when i'm at home...it gives me an atmosphere of work thus i didn't dare to log-in yesterday & last sunday...i planned to update resume and check my personal e-mails which both just didn't push thru as planned. i just rested, dated and exercised..hahaha!and all those planned and unplanned activities actually have untold stories yet. i'll just elaborate if i find time.

this is still me blogging...just not my usual style...argh

i miss blogging

2008-04-02T08:44:00.003+08:00

it's been four months since i last blogged....i so miss blogging. i have so much stories to write...happy and not so happy ones. i'm looking forward to the long weekend...i do hope i can update...see, i cant even promise? but i will try...

it was indeed a merry christmas

2007-12-28T10:19:00.000+08:00

credit:http://scrapkittydesign.com/

forgiveness does not mean that what happened was acceptable. forgiveness simply enables you to completely, once and for all, let it go. - ralph marston

have a joyous and prosperous new year to all :)

a peek outside SFC life

2007-11-29T08:31:00.000+08:00

i spent almost an entire week in davao last week. i never really bumped with storms lando and mina as there were only drizzles there. honestly, i went there half-heartedly, i learned about the business trip a day before my flight. i was worried with pending jobs in manila, siblings i'll be leaving (because JM also had an out of the country trip during the time i was in davao so i was worried sick about leaving 3rd and 3-ann alone) and dance/yoga dance classes i'll be missing which is being offered for free in the ofc. i tried to enjoy the trip although i basically just hit the roads here and there for company presentations and for some, i had to do alone.davaoeños are very sincere and good-natured people and i enjoyed the warm welcome by the clients. they also seem to appreciate that we paid them visit despite the fact that we are manila-based.one company even gave us 4 boxes of bananas...and these are export-quality :) my friends know how much i love this fruit ^-^ i also enjoyed long talks over dinner and more talks over coffee at Bo's Cafe (must try is their cafe mocha!) with my officemate. we don't normally do this if we're in manila since we have different circle of friends.

i reached home after lunch last saturday. i just rested whole afternoon and attended a family get-together dinner to welcome my cousins from the states who are spending a couple of weeks (or more, i'm not really sure) here in manila. whew, the family has gotten bigger :) lots of kids were running, dancing and singing...oh, i truly enjoyed joining them ^-^. my cousins and i just took pictures (pang-multiply and friendster daw!) and chatted the whole time... i enjoyed the chats but i wish i could avoid those questions thrown to me pertaining to seems like my forever single status ...argh, until now i don't know what or how to answer such questions...i can't just blame God, can I? hahaha!

here's my first attempt to digiscrapping...i was inspired by gelen's blog. got the frame as a freebie from kat's blog. since christmas is in the air and it looks like we had a pre-holiday reunion, i think the background fits so well. just click the image to enlarge :) i do hope i'll find time to arrange my piling digital pictures to something like this...something quite organized :) funny, i have done so many layouts for work but not quite often when it comes to personal stuff.

now that i'm back, as expected, jobs piled up and my boss even went on leave...argh! well, at least i was able to attend the dance/yoga class last tuesday :) i truly lack exercise as my muscles still ache until now but i'll still be attending later's class. . .hahaha! oh, i need such stress-relieving activities to rejuvenate :)

we, errrr they are, uhm.... still kids :)

2007-11-15T07:40:00.000+08:00

i've attended my first ever Kids For Christ Conference last Sunday. kids do know how to spell F-U-N! we brought 29 SAGIP kids and 4 SIGA from GK Selecta Village. i am so proud that they really behaved well again and had their own kind of fun at the same time. the kids enjoyed the show, the games and most of all, kids praisefest where they all danced and sang their hearts out to the Lord. . . well, we enjoyed it too but i have to admit that unlike the so hyperactive kids, i had to pause and rest sometimes. this is one of those rare times that these kids become like all the other children for an entire day...not worrying about little siblings to be taken care of (oh except for efren who's such a sweet, responisble brother to mandra...they really look cute), household chores to finish, accompany parents in selling balut and all other grown-up responsibilties.for an entire day, they were just kids and i feel really happy that i have witnessed all these. somehow, this keeps me driving to still serve. i like to thank these kids that they allowed me to be part of their lives, to be part of the miracle that God is bestowing upon them :) i can't wait to see them again this saturday.to view pictures of this fun day, click here .

on a more personal note, it feels really weird that my friends from all over (college, sfc, workplace) are saying the same things. it's just so weird...well, thanks for the concern but believe me things are all well...don't worry too much about me :)

Two Men

2007-11-05T08:26:00.000+08:00

i wrote this blog entry three years ago. i am now freeing a bunch of yellow balloons to heaven again to let my papa know that he'll always be remembered and loved and to ask God for JM's brighter and more fun life ahead of him.

to the two men who've significantly influenced my life so much, HAPPY BIRTHDAY :)

fun, tiring and fulfilling weekend

2007-10-31T22:25:00.000+08:00

i woke up really early last Saturday even earlier than my usual working day. i needed to be at GK Selecta Village before 5:30 AM as i still needed to distribute SAGIP children's t-shirts and ids. this year , we just brought 20 kids with us. although, it was a little hurtful that we couldn't bring them all, i think it was still the most logical & practical decision since we have limited budget and only few SFCs came to the event.

we rested for a while when we reached mall of asia. we dropped off our things in the farm and took our breakfast.out of curiosity, i ate pinoy style carbonara. the sauce made all the difference . instead of using cream, they used gata ng niyog and oh i think instead of using expensive tuna chunks, they used galunggong as toppings. it was uniquely good :) certified rapsa!

the kids on the other hand were having their own fun with the animals.

we went to paraisong pambata after we have fully explored the different GK farms. they played pinoy games & slid down the giant slide . us facis were just literally waiting for them to give up, hehehe.

oh, that side of MOA turned out to be really clean despite the fact that hyper kids crowded the place. the trick was all kids who traded- off a plastic bag full of garbage were rewarded with a gold fish by Batang Kalikasan. the kids were running here and there ,picking up garbage when this was announced, happy smiles were written on their faces when they received their rewards.

in the afternoon, i wasn't able to join the parade because i became really sick . jm just brought me home. it was really a long day but 'twas really fun. i am so proud of this set of SAGIP kids that we brought, they didn't give us headache. we all just had fun.

despite being sick and tired, i still helped for the preparations of our chapter's halloween party the next day. we just prepared cocktails and non-alcoholic drinks. it urned to be really successful. we had quite a good number of attendees and our participants in our on-going CLP also joined us and they're even in costumes. to have a glimpse of this fun party click here .

3 years and movin'

2007-10-24T17:17:00.000+08:00

it's been three years and no matter how difficult it is to include blogging in my schedule, somehow i still manage to write every once in a while. i'm no celebrity so this blog anniversary won't have contest of any sorts hehehe...really, sometimes i wonder if there are people who even bother to read my entries. i remember during the first few years of my blogging years i was really fearless ...writing as if no one will ever read it anyway so i was openly telling how i was feeling, what i was really thinking without rationalizing. ironically, i named this blog an open space and yet i am not really disclosing much as compared before.well, a corporate slave has nothing much to tell anyway and although i want to tell so much of my weekend activities and adventures, i rather not go online because i wanna catch up on sleep, rest, spend time for dvd marathon that is when i'm not occupied with sfc activities.

right now, i feel exhausted...that's why i'm blogging. i wanna breathe, really breathe.maybe i'm just tired.i do dread for the day that i'll feel forever stuck.lately, i've been feeling that the world around me has been movin' and changing... i, on the other hand is not moving along. i always say i'm busy, people see me as one too but there's nothing...really no giant steps, no major changes...but hey, should there be one, can i really embrace it..a new life? a new self? i don't really know but i am hell curious. i was traumatized by major changes in life i think because the last time i had one, i was crying until tears literally ran out. i wish for a feel-good change now. i think i have learned enough lessons in life that i can bring as i move along with the ever-changing world.just let me move.

hey, i feel like going back to my old bloggin' style hehehe...so this is like going back 2002.so, to anopenspace here's to more stories, opinions & feelings to share. Cheers!

well, that's really coffee, i'm not drinking alcohol anymore to get drunk or start so as not to stop. it's one of the cool errr hot (:"*^%*?) changes in my life and with that, this blog doesn't anymore look like very 2002.hehehe.

English Experts

2007-10-18T17:34:00.000+08:00

i used to work in an american-franchised bakery during my early corporate years. being part of the marketing team, i used to ask our american parent company to ship some of their extra marketing collaterals to help us save printing cost. having just very few outlets then, a lot will just be put into waste if we print locally.one time they sent us to display a sticker to be placed on our hotplate...i couldn't perfectly remember the exact message but i think the message goes like"30 MINUTES FRESH OF THE OVEN GOODNESS". hey, i wasn't the marketing officer then so when my boss said it's okay (although i didn't strongly believed so), i asked all bakery managers to display the sticker anyway...so there, we were flooded by English-expert Filipinos with "Shouldn't it be 30 MINUTES FRESH OFF-THE OVEN GOODNESS" corrections. i knew it. okay, so sometimes American English sucks.

now i am working in a multinational company whose parent company is based in UK. it's one of my duties to review soft copy of magazines for regional publication but for local printing. normally, i just correct some errors in pricing, catalogue page numbers, company's contact details etc...but just this afternoon while i was going through my usual review...printed in bold as an article introduction.... a very grammatically incorrect statement... " Company ARE one of the principle channel partners for the most respected names in Test & Measurement. Company HAVE trained sales engineers and a technical helpline to......." so there, when i replied to our South Asia Marketing Executive in Singapore, i said it should be IS instead of ARE and HAS instead of HAVE. i mean, it's quite a simple subject-verb agreement. to my surprise, we even needed to have an exchange of e-mail:

HER:"Hi Jeng, for Page 10, I have pointed out to UK before but they claim the English is correct. So I shall stay put as it is."
ME:yeah, if it they say it's correct English, who are we to argue...they're English...hehehe but see, Asian market just doesn't accept that.personally, i don't wanna print, distribute and explain to everyone that it's correct English in UK.so, no way we can change? it's a simple subject-verb agreement.
HER:Haha… I agree with what you say. Let me check with a few more people. In case we are the one wrong and arguing will make it very ugly.Will let u know. ^,^

i thought it's going to be okay already but then again, we even had an exchange of messages in our office communicator...the communication went like this:

her: gosh... i got different feedback from different people
her:Is there any english expert in PH tat we can consult?
me: hey, don't we just use "have" for singular pronoun "I", other than that we use it for plural.If it is just one company then we use "has"
her:hee, i manage to get someone to give opinion.she is the asia marketing mgr.her english powerful... haha
me:hopefully she sides with us i did ask around. ..hmmm, we all think it's really not correct
her:ya same i am talking to her now.yeah, she said "is" hehehe, we won!
me:three stars!

obviously, i was just being polite. i know for a fact that it's very elementary really :) i didn't expect that it'll be a big deal.

in conclusion, sometimes American English sucks & sometimes British English also sucks...and the world needs ENGLISH-EXPERT FILIPINOS ?!3@*($^! hehehe....

on this new national issue

2007-08-31T08:05:00.000+08:00

my travel time from work going home is basically the same time as the evening news on tv so i don't get the chance to watch.oh, late news is very late for me because i wake up at 4:30 AM to prepare for work. sometimes when channel surfing while watching channel 7's telebabad, i get to glimpse on news at channel 9 or channel 11...unluckily, they don't feature all these CFC-GK news. when people asked me about it in the office for the first time, i'm quite shocked that it even reached status of "national issue".honestly, since i don't get to watch news on tv, i don't know how to answer...should i defend CFC and GK that doesn't sound too defensive? why do i have to talk about this with them in the first place? they're not even CFC members and never been to any GK site! heck, some members don't even know what's really happening and maybe the news shocked them even more! i don't like talking against brothers & sisters who've been God's instruments for me to have a better relationship with Him. just thinking out loud, maybe there are people out there who have the same dilemma now. if we unite in the future, i hope this also reaches "national issue" level...but i doubt, people just love talking about negative things...this truly saddens me.

sugar, spice and the not so nice

2007-08-09T22:27:00.000+08:00

God never fails to surprise me.just when i thought that my "dance with life in mono" would be forever, He suddenly gave a dash of sugar, spice and sprinkled on some not so nice in my personal bubbles.

last August 2, - a dash of sugar to my family bubble. we've received a sweet gift from God...my very first niece, Miah Francesca -named after her mom, Jeremiah and dad, Francis. we call her Mishka for short and yes, i sort of pushed her mom to have it as nickname because of my fondness for filipina jazz singer, mishka adams.well, her cute nickname matches her cute face. here's her picture :

evening of the same day, i've received an inivitation from a brother in the community to give a talk in their CLP. since i'm basically free on the time & day of the event, i immediately said yes then asked which talk will i be giving. he replied "talk 7" then i felt God pouring my personal preference bubble a dash of spice. the talk is about christian family and for the past 7 years in the community, i've been purposely avoiding and declining to give it for two simple reasons- i've always felt unqualified and unworthy to even talk about something that i am not convinced that i have. i believe that our family's situation is not even close to the definition.since i said my "yes" already, i could no longer back out. suddenly, this picture of mishka was sent to me by my brother- i suddenly heard God speaking to me that "here's a realization of my promise". it's a clear message that it's about time i have to talk about my family in the community. i shouldn't take away the fact that God has been victorious in our lives when all 3 of us siblings joined SFC and was able to successfully channel our brokenness to something positive.

i've never felt such nervousness when my name was called as the speaker to talk about christian family and i've never felt so victorious after i gave it. the teamleader told me that he was so sure that i was meant to give it. the participants were all from GK site and they were able to somehow associate themselves to the same struggles i have as a single person trying to build a christian family.

my family introduced me to God and to the church and i owe them big because my sense of spirituality has a solid foundation. when i yearned for a deeper friendship with God, i joined SFC. the whole community of CFC-SFC has been my solid rock for the past seven years...lately, it's being put to test. this ain't God sprinkling something not so nice on my spiritual bubble, it's maybe just something that He allowed to happen so we can refocus and not further fall into something that is not pleasing to His eyes. i admire the wisdom of our elders and i even have greater faith that God will lead us all to UNITY.

as for me, i will always be thankful...for the good times and much more for the bad times of my spiritual journey.for in these trials, that i have gained greater faith.

just another sick entry

2007-07-07T23:49:00.000+08:00

have i really watched so much televison shows? or have i just really let myself worked so hard? i posted those questions because it seems that i miss a lot on life lately. i have too much questions on my head right now.they just popped from nowhere. okay, okay so i've been sick again and i hate the feeling of being not busy because that's the time when feeling of being alone sets in. i dragged myself to work until thursday so i could finish reports. i was feeling terribly bad since sunday night but i think i'll feel worse being alone at home. i don't wanna miss papa so much who used to take care of me during times like these. i perfectly remember him being the one who always ended up having sleepless nights just to make sure i took my medicines on time, gave me sponge bath and would only be able to sleep if i was.friday was like hitting rock bottom and this time i really had to stay home. thursday night i was really chillin' and experiencing migraine.asthma attacks were there but i was able to handle it.right now, i'm giving myself a rest. as much as i hate to admit it,i miss being taken care of and i'm truly just faking i'm okay but no need to worry, i've been to even worse situations...i can carry on.

A Taste of Heaven

2007-07-03T17:40:00.000+08:00

CLICK IMAGE TO ENLARGE

how much of the philippines have i visited ?

2007-06-22T23:13:00.000+08:00

My Lakbayan grade is C!

How much of the Philippines have you visited? Find out atLakbayan!

Created by Eugene Villar.

chronicles of may

2007-05-16T23:10:00.000+08:00

goodbye daddy nonong-may 1

i just grew up fondly calling him "daddy", he's my uncle. when i heard the news about his death, i felt quite relieved. i believe that those people who've done enough in life deserves rest and daddy is one of those. sometimes, it's even at a person's death that you've learned so much about that person. reading about daddy here at tita grace's blog , i've realized how interesting his life was. i've known him as the quiet, hardworking seaman uncle who've always been respected by our family and that was it. bringing third & tri-ann with me, i took a vacation leave for 2 days to attend at his wake and funeral in lucena. it was nice seeing the whole clan again :) the kids (my cousins) have grown up, they were so hyper, uncontrollable & funny. . . i suddenly felt really old around them. click my multiply site and kado's multiply site to see pictures of this event.

jason's wedding - may 12
cheers, pare! be faithful to your new 6PM sharp commitment :)
eto ang katibayan ng huling pangbabae mo na binata ka....hahaha!

chapter outing -may 13

whew...after 2 years (not so sure, i think it could even be 3!), we were able to have a chapter summer outing again. we had it at lakevila resort in binangonan. though, i'm not the kind of person who enjoys the pool (i can't swim) but the cool company of my sfc friends and the overpouring inihaw were already enough reasons for me to enjoy. there were fun games & videoke sessions. everyone was on "cloud 9" (hehehe) when we left the venue.

'til next year, chaptermates :)

i voted-may 14

i never missed practicing my right as a voter of this country since i turned 18. it's one of those privileges of being an adult that i really looked forward to. this elections, i didn't think about winnability of candidates i voted. the people whom i put my trust to the respected seats of this nation are equally respectable and whom during part of their previous career have proven themselves to have done something for this nation and since i'm no fool not to know that at one point of thier lives, these people have also been part of the worsening corruption situation of our government, rest assured that i have thought my decision over and over---i voted the lesser evil...no matter how uniwinnable they are.

sad news-may 15

a former officemate informed me that JP,our then COO in Cinnabon died of a heart attack.it's so sudden and everyone's shocked until now. his body is still in france and once his body will be brought here in the philippines, it's gonna be a sad reunion for us former Cinnabon employees who shared sweet days with JP in the yellow building along buendia:(

may i pass?

2007-04-16T21:40:00.000+08:00

i wanna write about:

HOPE WEEKEND
FY08 RS BIZ LAUNCH
HOLY WEEK '07

but i wanna pass this time. i lost my thoughts, forgot all the details & most of all hate posting just pictures.

for now, i just wanna say, i'm back to looking forward on going home early again, bringing pasalubongs and experiencing regular headaches of budgeting...welcome back 3rd & 3-ann! btw, pati rin pala kay jm :)

revitalizing exhaustion

2007-02-26T09:02:00.000+08:00

various activities kept me occupied lately. all have been both exhausting yet revitalizing. as usual, i had to enumerate them all. (warning: this is a very long entry)

february 3

ate dothy, mariel & i tried the new spa at rublou mall in greenland. compared to the other spa near our place, this one is cleaner, more private and has a free sauna :) i had a combination of shiatzu & swedish massage.truly revitalizing! the massage also comes with a choice of free foot scrub or ventuza. i chose the latter.when it was being done, i felt like regretting the choice i made, i didn't know that the "sucking" will be done simultaneously at my back, darn!

i felt really relieved after it was done though as if all those back pains were miraculously taken away. looking at my back, i looked like a dalmatian with humongous red spots. i was told that the spots will be gone after one day but mine were totally healed after one week!it was quite a serious case...my spots are way redder than mariel's and ate dothy's and took longer to heal.i'd like to do this on a regular basis, i was told this is good for asthma and cheaper than seretide! hehehe!

february 14

since, i left the restaurant industry two years ago, i've been spending valentine's day as normal single person does. so as not to encounter heavy traffic from ayala to cainta, i left the office at exactly 6:00 PM. luckily, i was successful to reach my place early but decided to go to a salon. i had my nails & toes done and had a haircut. it was again very revitalizing. when i reached home, i started packing my things for my mindanao trip. sfc friends would be coming over the next day so preparing dinner for them would be a priority so packing my stuff needs to be done a day earlier.

february 15

office work was quite hectic and i had to set aside my excitementfor my mindanao trip. morning was filled with reports, event coordination while afternoon was spent buying "tikoy" for staff as chinese new year gift and prizes for the NPI quiz at SM makati. i also bought some ingredients for dinner at home with sfc friends and toiletries...nice timing, hehehe! we requested one officemate to fetch us since mae and i couldn't possibly bring everything...all the 50 tikoys and grocery bags by ourselves! we had coffee in starbucks before going back to office...again, revitalized!

i bid goodbye to officemates and ask them not to miss me so much, hehehe.during my fx-ride home,my thoughts were all about the trip...i was scared, excited, curious.

sfc friends came around past 10 in the evening. i just prepared pasta w/ tuna for our late dinner cum early midnight snack...

february 16- day 1 HOPE Conference
we're off to mindanao.

the day started rockin'...tetchie and i were able to have our picture taken together with the legend of filipino rock.......pepe smith!'twas like a dream come true for me, you see...the "fan" inside me needed to come out so i really asked him if we could have our picture taken together. . . he agreed happily (see his smile in the picture? he kinda laugh when i said, we look like "super twins" with him being in the middle and all....kapuso ka pala ha?)

our sector took a longer route going to lanao. we had an hour flight from manila to zamboanga and an almost 8-hour drive from zamboanga before reaching the conference site in lanao. CFC couple took care of us so we can reach the bus terminal safely. they were so nice, warm and accommodating.

when we reached the conference site, we registered, set up our tents then went to the first session right away. there was of course praise parade, talk & praisefest. after that, we attended the mix party wherein people were divided in such a way that people with common interest are in one party even if it means that you won't go together as a chapter.tetchie and i went together to the techy party. we've met new faces mostly from down south (visayas & mindanao). 'twas fun :)

feb 17 - day 2 HOPE Conference

as usual, the day started with mass & worship. this day was filled with practical & educational workshops. i've attended the following workshops that interest me :

a) Go Negosyo
b) Who Wants Be A Millionare?
c) Photography

i just hope i'll be able to apply the tips i've learned from the workshops. i'll update you on this, let us all be witnesses of my progress, hehehe.after all the workshops, we watched the contests and "shopped" (uhm, uhm, it's a not-so secret term that sisters in our chapter usually use). i was also able to spot (finally!) my officemate, pia after dinner.just to show that we aren't lying about going to mindanao, we took pictures of us together.

we attended an all sisters' talk on lamentation. 'twas my first time to experience on a big conference that a sister was leading the worship. i think it was just right that men and women were separated for this session. truly though we may have similar lamentations as singles, gravity sometimes differ when gender sets in. so there were those sharings that i could relate to and there were those same stories i've heard from friends. we were again put to 10 mins of reflection...argh, i fell asleep... and heard God's message, "Rest my Child, Rest"...no kidding! at first i couldn't believe i was hearing it...and a lot of people were laughing whenever i share this experience, how could it not really happen, huh? it was so clear and so real... the only male voice i heard from an all women session! the men & women merged for the 3rd talk that was really empowering and ended the night with praisefest. instead of watching the finals of the contests right after the praisefest, we all just went to our tents to sleep. this 2nd day was really tiring as expected..physically exhausting yet spiritually revitalizing!

feb 18 - day 3 HOPE Conference

started with a mass, our 3rd Day in lanao became even more "hopeful" right after our last session. this batch of LXS (League of Extra-ordinary Singles) were introduced. they've shared their convictions being men & women of God. they were very inspiring especially brother meng, his story could be compared to tobit, his whole life is a miracle, despite the hardships he remains faithful.after the praisefest, we just ate lunch and prepared ourselves for the long trip going back to zamboanga. on our trip going back tyo zamboanga, we were with our zamboangeño brothers and sisters and a coouple of kapampangan brothers. CFC couple fetched us from the terminal when we finally reached zamboanga, they've "adopted" us for a night...so sweet.

feb 19- goodbye, mindanao

when we woke up in the morning, we realized how beautiful this CFC couple's place is. surrounding the whole area are mountains, a spacious ground a very beautiful garden. we dind't waste time and took pictures :) buffet breakfast was also served...yummy! here's the whole gang as we bid farewell.

we just checked in our baggages and went to "barter market" to buy some zamboangeño products and can you believe malaysian goodies! it was a very brief shopping but at least i was able to buy pasalubong and some stuff for myself. we went back to the airport and that officially ends my mindanao trip.whew!

check out all HOPE CONFERENCE's pictures here.

feb 25- GK 1MB

hindi ko muna gagamitin ang wikang banyaga (sa mga salitang hindi pangngalan), ipinagmamalaki ko na bilang Pilipino, mahusay talaga akong mag-Tagalog at bahagi lamang ng aking pagka-Pilipino ang pagiging mahusay ko ring mag-Ingles .tulad ng mga ilang nakaraang taon, sa pakikibahagi ng Couples For Christ sa diwa ng Edsa Revolution, pinakita naming muli kung paanong magkaisa ang mga Pilipino para sa isang maganda at marangal na hangarin. habang papunta akong GK site,bumungad sa aking umaga ang pangunahing balita ng Philippine Daily Inquirer ang "Gawad Kalinga"...ito na raw ang bagong diwa ng EDSA, ang panibagong Handog ng Pilipino sa Mundo.tulad nga nung nasa awit noong kasagsagan ng EDSA REVOLUTION...eto ay isang mapayapang paraang pagbabago.natuwa ako dahil marami na ang naniniwala sa gawain namin...at sa patuloy kong paglalakad papuntang GK site, nakangiti ako...alam kong maraming Pilipino sa iba't-ibang bahagi ng Pilipinas ang kasabay kong naglalakad upang maki-bahagi sa Gawad Kalinga.

pagdating ko sa GK Selecta Village, tumulong ako sa gawain ng Urban Farming. hindi talaga ako "green thumb" pero sana yung mga kasama ko sa pagtatanim ng halaman, hindi ko katulad para kahit papaano may mabuhay sana sa mga halamang nilagay namin malapit sa Sibol School, nagbungkal din ako ng lupa sa ilalim ng init ng araw...dito sigurado akong walang lupang mamamatay....hahaha!nagkaroon din kami ng "GK empowerment", nagsalo-salo sa pananghalian at umuwing hapo, pagod, maitim at maligaya :)

it's clp season once again

2007-02-08T22:50:00.000+08:00

for those single men & women who are:

a) busy
b) who wants to be busy
c) who wants to gain more friends
d) who wants to have a more personal relationship with God

YOU ARE INVITED!

venue: midtown chapel, cainta rizal

time: 7:00 PM

date: february 24, 2007 and twelve saturdays thereafter

3-ANN'S HAWAK-KAMAY VIDEO

2007-01-28T17:28:00.001+08:00

here's my very talented sister playing the guitar and singing hawak-kamay.my new career option? be her manager! hahaha... check out more of her videos (w/her kuya 3rd) at http://www.badyheng.multiply.com/video

certified jologs

2007-01-24T23:43:00.000+08:00

our system in the office is currently having problems which was caused by the recent earthquake in taiwan and it's running extremely slow. fortunately, there's this e-mail with lots of tests that was spreading around the office. the tagalog quiz was something i was able to encounter before so i must say i did pretty well and so with the acronym test but the one i found as the most challenging of them all is the jologs test...geez, my weird memory which for some reasons mostly remembers showbiz trivias was once again tested. on occassions that office system ran slow, i was in deep thought....and i'm shamelessly proud to have answered (without any help from any of my officemates, believe me they don't even know the answers) the following jologs questions:

a) theme song ni richard gomez & sharon cuneta
b) host na puppet sa batibot na laging may dala-dalang mike
c) children show ni subas herrero
d) nostra damus ng asia
e) hinulaan ng sagot sa letter d na mamamatay sa sarili nyang show
f) kumanta ng just a smile away for close-up commercial (clue from me:i know you guys are thinkin' of gino padilla pero nde yun. closer you and i kasi ang kinanta ni gino)
g) role na ginampanan ni sharon cuneta sa isang massacre film
h) pangalan ng character ni aurora sevilla sa aguila
i) noontime show ng channel 7 nung matapos ang lunch date
j) commercial model ng asahi electricfan
k) show ni german moreno tuwing umaga
l) anchor ng tv patrol in-charge for showbiz news
m) show ni tito sotto, helen gamboa, chuckie dreyfus & isabel granada
n) show ni oskee salazar sa channel 13
o) segment sa batibot na mga daliri ang bida

those are just some tough questions that i was able to answer...hmmm, do you know the answers? you can try, i'll let you know if you got 'em correctly.

new year's resolutions

2007-01-13T23:42:00.000+08:00

a) SAVE - i have been saving since i started working but not for myself, i've been keeping portion of my salaries, bonuses, 13th month pays & loans to support education of my siblings and daily needs of our family. this year, i'm adding myself to the beneficiaries. this nearing 30s thingy keeps poppin' into my consciousness. i know that success should not be measured by wealth alone and so is fulfillment and satisfaction but then again i don't wanna wake up one day being empty-handed and be in a situation when i couldn't anymore give.i plan on getting a savings plan where i can put some money and enjoy the benefits later, i'll be exploring some pre-need financial plans and review what suits me well.

b)GO BACK TO ARTS-i've thrown all my art materials when i could no longer find time to paint. few days before 2007, i was able to use some of my VLs (vacation leave) and reconnected myself to arts.i modestly started combining colors again with oil pastel..i intend to do this more often and maybe buy more art materials so i could go back to painting again.

for this year, it looks like i have selfish resolutions. . . it's about time.

merry christmas

2006-12-25T23:36:00.000+08:00

Grown-up Christmas List

Do you remember me
I sat upon your knee
I wrote to you with childhood fantasies

Well I'm all grown-up now
And still need help somehow
I'm not a child
But my heart still can dream

So here's my lifelong wish
My grown-up Christmas list
Not for myself
But for a world in need

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
Everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end
This is my grown-up Christmas list

As children we believed
The grandest sight to see
Was something lovely
Wrapped beneath our tree

Well heaven surely knows
That packages and bows
Can never heal
A hurting human soul

What is this illusion called the innocence of youth
Maybe only in our blind belief can we ever find the truth

4 weddings

2006-12-24T11:26:00.000+08:00

unlike all the other years that passed, 2006 perhaps has the most number of times i've rekindled friendship and reconnected with dear friends who've been part of my pre-sfc years...my high school and college friends! it just happened that most of them got married this year---2 from highschool and 2 from college. i've always kept a small number of group of friends (quality over quantity i must say) and so,from my highschool friends there's just myself and marilen who are not married yet but marilen is technically married so i'm the only single person left, from college however, mabel is still there...buti na lang., hahaha!i'm quite worried because i'm starting to lose my possible bridesmaids if ever i finally tied the knots with whoever :( well, hearing them talk about how they're starting their families is something i should start getting used to. my only consolation is that family matters also matter to me big time so i can truly relate now unlike when they were still talkin' about their boyfriends then.sigh, sigh, sigh i'm looking forward to being godmother of their future children & attending more children parties...for the meantime, here's a pix taken during rex & melissa's wedding.

it's the busiest time of the year

2006-12-11T00:58:00.000+08:00

december has always been a busy month since i started working in '99 and entered SFC in 2000. the two areas of my life somehow need to fit somewhere...oh not to mention family...yeah of course, it needs to fit not just somewhere there but it should be where it has always been, 2nd priority.

this year everything fell into place. all the christmas parties seem to be choreographed by God in a way that i can attend to all.

before all the christmass stuff, i just wanna tell one unforgettable experience.last november 21, i was able to watch the popular australian christian band, hillsong united. it was my first time and truly enjoyed...geez, i can't wait to watch them again (hope there will be next time!). read the whole story here at jm's blog .

december 2- SFC Sector Christmas Party

our chapter was quite blessed with new vibrant members this year. for us oldtimers, somehow it means that we'll no longer be performing on stage for big activities like sector christmas party...hooray! this year's theme is "the musicale" and we were assigned to perform "Miss Saigon". I was part of the committe who did the pre-works...research, costume, songs, etc... I was only able to attend some practices though, good thing we are blessed with the very reliable ate dothy. on the night itself, i helped with the lights and make-up and ego-boosting words of wisdom..hehehe...our members were shy compared to us oldtimers and if you know Miss Saigon, cast needs thick-faced whores. actually we had a difficult time minimizing vulgarity specially the costumes & dance steps...who ever thought of performing Miss Saigon in SFC activities didn't know how it drove us nuts, they just don't seem to gel, that's all. i hate to brag but we did well. those shy girls did not look so-shy on stage, they can even pass up for real whores...hahaha. although we didn't grab any award, the applause and commendations we received after the performance were already good enough to tell us we had a good performance. here are pre & post perfromance pix, i'll post on-stage pix when i get to find some.

THE CAST

THE REST OF US

december 8- RS Components Limited's Christmas Party

for this year's christmas party, our department was tasked to organize it.oh, we were only given barely three weeks to prepare...from scratch! it was so easy for country management team to just hand over the job to us with very meager budget and very little time to work with. aside from preparing the whole party, we also had to prepare for the group presentation wherein we merged with Strategic & Channels Accounts Groups. Our theme revolved around the 80's decade. The group presentations were divided among new wave, sariling atin, 80's movies and 80's icons.The latter was assigned to us.Most members of our group do not usually stay in the office, they're outdoor sellers and one member is even cebu-based and only got to practice on our last practice night. we were only able to practice 4 times, good thing was members of the team were very eager to learn and full of ideas. btw, i need to thank sfc-valley golf chapter for some ideas...i need to shamelessly copy your "breakdancer" 2 years ago so that our cebu-based member would have a part.

no need to worry, we also grabbed the 1st place! since icons was our theme, we did "walk like an egyptian by the bangles",

"like a cannonball by menudo",

"she bop by cyndi lauper",

"material girl by madonna"

and "thriller by michael jackson"

and the winner is .......

it was a very victorious evening for me...the party went well despite last minute preparations of all sorts, we grabbed 1st place for the group presentation, i was able to receive what i truly wanted for the exchange gift (thanks marivic) and i grabbed home a brand new electric fan as my raffle prize.

december 9-SFC unit Christmas Party with SAGIP

although i had only few hours of sleep from the company's Christmas Party, i was still able to make it before 9 AM at GK site. it was nice to have other members of the unit joining us for this particular SAGIP session. we made sure everyone brought home a gift and full from the food we've prepared for them :) in fact, there were even some food left for the kapitbahayan and gifts for the sibol kids... the almost 500 per chapter head did go that far...amazing, it's like Jesus' miracle, "multiplication of the bread & fish".

the party's ain't over yet... i still have 1 lined up

december 10-on with the tradition

my long wait is now over ....i finally got my starbucks planner! whew! thanks jm for the 21st sticker you've donated :)

always making up

2006-11-19T09:35:00.000+08:00

due to time unavailabilty, busy sched, all the adventures & misadventures or simply laziness, i am now again updating in a summarize format. i'm quite unhappy doing this all the time because i feel that everytime that i do so, i end up not really showing how i've felt during that certain event. somehow that certain state of happinesss, sadness or anger have already subsided and my blog entry is not anymore narrative but rather enumerative. i always try to recall previous events but my present adventures are always kept in my to-tell list.i'm quite dissatisfied but i feel that making up is way better than depriving myself of telling stories.i've sworn so many times but unable to keep promises but i'll swear again...i'll try to update as much as i can :)

okay, now that i've said my litany of excuses (hehehe), here are recent happenings in my life:

october 07 - GK Expo at Mall of Asia

it was my first time at the mall of asia, its name speaks for itself, the area was quite big but it looks like it's not during the GK Expo because CFC community is quite a big number that occupied the whole place. we were there together with our SAGIP kids and we took care of all 40 of them (haaaaaaaaay). regular facilitators (ate evs, tetchie, charisse & myself) attended a forum in the morning so we just got to see the kids right after the very inspiring forum. it talked about the involvement of some corporations in the Child Development Programs of Gawad Kalinga. One thought which one speaker shared that i couldn't forget was about this great chinese proverb "Tell me that i may know, show me that i may see, involve me that i may understand".Truly it's being involved that one can fully understand the works of Gawad Kalinga. Words aren't enough & pictures can't tell all the miracles and transformations that happened to every person involved in this work of nation building...sali na!

the four of us roamed the GK Expo site first before finally showing up where the kids were.we savored the taste of our 1/2 DAY OFF together...

after we've sent the kids where they took their lunch, we've taken ours as well at one chinese restaurant in MOA.

right after lunch came the very tiring duty of really taking care of the kids, we toured them around the mall and at the GK Expo site together with the rest of SFCs from our chapter who volunteered to help us.

it was quite a day ... i was too worried when i learned we lost one kid, good thing, one sister from our chapter found him surprisingly not too worried that no one from his friends was with him...well he was having a splendid time ...sigh...alone. right after SFC has marched, we decided to leave Mall of Asia and left the kids with San Andres Kapitbahayan. we took dinner at Mc Donald's El Pueblo and we had the grandest time of being kids again (this time not worrying that we have a bunch of kids to take care of) by taking pictures with Mc Donald's mascots. It's my firs time to see a Ronald Mc Donald's Mascot who is not the trained person mascot but someone wearing a mascot's costume.

november 01- all saints' day; spent the whole day at the cemetery watching papa's tomb, sunkissing (my annual sunbathing activity), offered prayers & lighted candles.

november 05-jm's and papa's birthdays.we just had a simple lunch w/ family at Tianenmen.

november 16-second wind as a household head.i was given a new set of household this year and we had our very 1st household that also served as michelle's farewell household meeting.she flew to the US last November 20 to practice her profession as physical therapist. only len & michelle were able to make it, atchie & rachel were not with us due to work-related reasons..nevertheless, my first household with them was a blast :)

HAPPY 2ND BIRTHDAY BLOG!

2006-10-30T23:08:00.000+08:00

and yes, i haven't changed my template eversince :)

for my readers since 2004, fyi, ANOPENSPACE isn't my 1st blog but this is the only blog i was able to keep for 2 years...my own way of settling down i guess...hahaha!

i have 3 other blogs here in blogger one of which is my literary blog which i don't have time updating, i've kept MY LIFE'S PUZZLES series( http://www.anotherpieceofthepuzzle.blogspot.com/ ; http://www.puzzlesoflife.blogspot.com/ ) unviewable just because my entries there were way too honest and of course, how can i forget my very 1st blog entry ever at diaryland ?

2002-03-19 - 8:03 a.m.
okay, so i'm finally online!

diaryland opened the gates of blogging for me, i can't believe it's been 4 years and 7 months since my first online entry and i can continue counting more years.CHEERS!

P.S

i'll soon update (promise!), i just felt an urgent need to greet my blog before October ends.

smells like christmas

2006-10-03T21:58:00.000+08:00

christmas countdown starts during my birthday, 100 days before christmas. . . it has been stormin' like hell, flash floodin' everywhere and yes heavy traffic seems to take forever. . .except for the heavy traffic, i haven't smelled the spirit of christmas yet. . . it's real meaning that is.

last saturday,i received a lot of "magpapasko na kasi" comments from friends and family and when monday came, i got tons of those even from officemates. it wasn't because we all can feel christmas breeze now nor we can see people selling puto bungbong & bibingka nor the whole neighborhood was lighted by christmas lights. . .nah, not any those can give you the christmas fever yet. . .but you can now hear a lot of stories from co-workers and friends about how they were held-up or how their valuables have been stolen. the latter just happened to me last saturday and i feel really stupid until now.

i lost my wallet last saturday in a grocery store near our place. it happened in the afternoon when i was buying juice and some other consolation prizes for our sagip birthmonth celebration. just when i was about to pay, viola my wallet could no longer be found inside my bag! i lost about Php 2K worth of cash, all my atms, credit cards & health card were also inside.just reactivating all my cards will cost me about the same amount of cash that i lost or more. . . geez, merry christmas.(*sigh*) (**double sigh**) (***triple sigh***)

obladi, oblada life goes on

2006-09-28T20:40:00.000+08:00

as september nearly ends in a few days, i'd like to share some serious thoughts. it's my birthmonth and i always feel sentimental whenever another year adds to my age. oh, i don't really mind getting older, i look young anyway (hahaha!)...this year i've celebrated my birthday in probably the most simple way ever. my birthday week was spent alone in our new apartment. i was so sick for a week due to fever & colds, maybe God just wanted me to rest because i was too busy with work & sfc community lately. the night before my birthday since i was feeling better, i still attended our weekly household meeting. we had it at sister jo-anne's place in greenland. our topic was about simple guidelines, we had to choose one out of the 10 listed and reflect on it. when it was my turn to share, i said, since it's gonna be my birthday the next day, instead of making 3 wishes, just let me choose 3 guidelines to share my insights on. these were the 3 guidelines i chose:

a) BE PATIENT...I managed to fix it so in just one lifetime you could have so many diverse experiences.you grow from a child to an adult, have children, change jobs many times, learn many trades, travel so many places, meet thousands of people and experience so much. how can you be so impatient then when it takes Me a little longer than you expect to handle something on My to-do-list? trust in My timing, for My timing is perfect. Just because I created the entire universe in only six days, everyone thinks I should always rush,rush,rush.

b) LOVE YOURSELF...As much as I love you, how can you not love yourself? You were created by me for one reason only - - - to be loved, and to love in return.I am a God of Love. Love Me. love your neighbors but also love yourself. it makes my heart ache when i see you angry with yourself when things go wrong. you are very precious to me. don't ever forget.

c) TALK TO ME...I want you to forget a lot of things. forget what was making you crazy. forget the worry and the fretting because you know I'm in control. but there's one thing I pray you never forget. please, don't forget to talk to Me- OFTEN! I love YOU! i want to hear your voice. i want you to include Me in on the things going on in your life. i want to hear you talk about your friends and family. prayer is simply you having a conversation with Me. i want to be your dearest friend.

right after the sharing, they gave me a birthday cake (the one that i was really wishing to have, Red Ribbon's latest addition to their cakes!), as i blew the candles,of course i wished for B....BETTER HEALTH (hehe, akala nyo boyfriend noh?). when my real birthday came the next day, my siblings and i just had a simple lunch at home right after my SAGIP session in the morning.well, this year as i said was the simplest but i was very happy that i was able to spend the day serving the community and hangin' around with family.

btw, jm and i moved to a new apartment...i love it better here, it's more spacious and got a separate laundry area. during the time when we were preparing to move, i was able to flip through pages of an old notebook...i totally forgot about it until when i was packing my old stuff and saw it. i stopped writing journal entries in college and threw my old high school diary ages ago...i didn't know that i was still keepin' compilation of hate letters in this old notebook.they were my hate letters to life ..yes, i was hating life then and writing about how i felt about my life was the meanest thing i could do then...i once again read about my aches, my hurts, my rants,grudges and everything that seems to be so uncontrollable back then. i even saw a letter to papa telling him how i hate living life without him.it was late 2000 until 2002 and learning that i stopped writing hate letters in 2003, i reflected...2003 was the year i started to get deeply involved in my service in Gawad Kalinga and started having a more personal relationship with God. since i found new hope from the people surrounding me, i started to see life anew...no space for hate...and definitely, no time to write hate letters! i didn't throw the notebook...it will be my constant reminder of how i've journeyed this colorful life...i dare to stay and continue to travel.with a different attitude towards life this time, when the road seems dark and rough, i now know where to look...NOT BACK BUT UP!

updates...hopefully not so late

2006-09-15T17:18:00.000+08:00

i haven't posted for over two months already. the fact that i was stuck on a week of sick leave doesn't give me any excuse not to update. i honestly don't know where to start, i've been so busy just being everywhere.here's an attempt to remember them all.let's try monthly...

JUNE

nepcon exhibit- penang, malaysia

south asia marketing team helped Malaysia team during their exhibition at Penang. It was an industrial part of Malaysia and yeah, this wasn't exactly a shopping haven so there was really no time for that. one afternoon though, my boss and i sneaked some time out for one, surprisingly a nearby mall from the hotel had some good clothes for only RM 10.after every exhibition day, the host country would always give us a sumptuous dinner. i couldn't forget being in Genting, it looks like Tagaytay without Taal Volcano...that's it, our version is still more beautiful :) here are some pix during the trip:

>>> during the set-up

>>> at a competitor's booth

>>> at genting with esther, boonhock & genna

global leader's forum

it was indeed a very empowering forum. we were once again reminded that we ought to be servant leaders. the world doesn't spare us from temptations around and as God's army we have to be armed and always be ready with the battle ahead of us. this truly scared me knowing that real world equals sinful world...and it's the world where i live. i have my weaknesses and i don't know how far can the evil go, all i know is that i can always hold on to my faith.

>>> gala night

>>> sfc east a 1-c

JULY

just to list events in this month

08 - mom's bday. we just had a simple dinner

12 - tri-ann's bday. ate jhett and i went to pangasinan to celebrate it with her. i love the cake we bought for her, it's themed after walt disney's princesses.worked both ways eh...she was able to celebrate and we were able to choose the cake...hehehe

29 - papa's death anniversary. this time, we had the novena at ate jhett's place for a change. it was very private, just immediate family members.hmmm, i terribly miss the man :(

AUGUST

marketing forum

we held our marketing forum at bangkok, thailand.initial reaction was... finally, a shopping haven for a change! BUT naaaaaaaaaahhhhh i only got to visit the night market during our last night. it was, as usual, a meeting-filled forum.but hey this forum wasn't so bad after all because:

a) i love asoke residences-- the hotel where we stayed at

b) boonhock thought of unique teambuilding by teamin up the non-cooks to one cook and let the cooks coached and the non-cooks cooked. i coached and i teamed up with singaporeans who could not event slice veggies...hahaha!see below pictures:

>>>dinner during our teambuilding planning

>>>the finished products

>>> myself, tiong & julia

c) we went to a massage parlor after the teambuilding...hmm, authentic thai massage..truly relaxing!

d) shopping (kahit bitin!)

mmlc,arts center,laguna

who would have thought that God will be on my side? i almost wasn't able to make it in this year's mmlc. hmmmm, it was all worth the risks that i took...the talks were great, the sharings were great...the hell with all the defaults.i don't know if it's just me or maybe some other sfcs could also share with some sentiments that i have with regards to how mmlcs were being done lately. i remember not so long ago, mmlcs had more fruitful talks, more great sharings, more learnings gained and there were less competitions, less production numbers, just plain, simple conferences that we all enjoyed, well there were just the same old classic complains about the food then but it's comparatively nothing to the impacts in our lives that those plain conferences had given.what i'm tryin to say is, sourgraping aside (really!)... can we just go back to our plain conferences? simple, we sfcs tend to be too competitive at times and it's not giving us any good.just an opinion, you may or may not agree...maybe i'm just one of those sfcs who just tend to appreciate talks more rather than physical activities in conferences.

Nice Tag

2006-07-13T10:01:00.000+08:00

i was tagged by TA.

Here's how to play: The rules are, "once you've been tagged, you have to write a blog with (8) weird things/habits about yourself". At the end you need to choose the 8 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says "Tag,You're It" in their comments and tell them to read your blog

Here's mine:

1. I'm a very talented sleeper...i can sleep anywhere, anytime.hardcore rock music can also put me to sleep zzzzzzzzzzzz.......

2. Even before starbucks' fever came, i was already a coffee lover.i love it black and my 9-6 job can hit a 5th cup.

3. If you're one of those people who has seen me 5 years ago, i look like someone who gained 10-15 pounds but the truth is, i just gained 2 pounds!

4. I'm quite forgetful, as my sister puts it,I have a very selective memory. I'm quite poor in directions, events of my life but can remember trivias -lalo na pag showbiz, hehehe.

5. I love looking at people's fingers & toes, panglalake kasi yung sken eh....

6. I love window-shopping but am very budget-conscious so, just the feel of being surrounded with potential clothes, bags, shoes & books to buy can already make me smile.

7. I still think my christian name's spelling is weird. JENELYNN...it still makes my life difficult. even my long-time friends are still unsure of its spelling.

8. I love boring stuff like reading books, painting, cross-stitching, poetry & jazz music.

i'm taggin' everyone reading this blog....wala lang, paramdam kayo okay?

R a T i O n A l

2006-06-04T18:23:00.000+08:00

Your Personality Is

Rational (NT)

You are both logical and creative. You are full of ideas.
You are so rational that you analyze everything. This drives people a little crazy!

Intelligence is important to you. You always like to be around smart people.
In fact, you're often a little short with people who don't impress you mentally.

You seem distant to some - but it's usually because you're deep in thought.
Those who understand you best are fellow Rationals.

In love, you tend to approach things with logic. You seek a compatible mate - who is also very intelligent.

At work, you tend to gravitate toward idea building careers - like programming, medicine, or academia.

With others, you are very honest and direct. People often can't take your criticism well.

As far as your looks go, you're coasting on what you were born with. You think fashion is silly.

On weekends, you spend most of your time thinking, experimenting with new ideas, or learning new things.

The Three Question Personality Test

long overdue stories ought to be told

2006-05-28T18:31:00.000+08:00

guess what's two weeks of not postin' can give you ? that's too many stories for me to tell and for you to read... in chronological order, let me tell 'em all...

may 16...asahi glass road show.
road show...i'll be using this term once in a while since this office activity has been keepin' me busy lately..so as to add in your vocab, road show just means a company presentation to clients.

for this particular client, i was tasked to do the presentation by myself since my boss was doing the same presentation in the visayas area.i'll be doing 3 presentations for this week and asahi's the first among others. since this was my first time, i was quite nervous...when my officemate handling the said account fetch the team in the office, i had to make sure my presentation, projector, corporate give-aways were all ready and in perfect condition.once everything was tested, we travelled going to pasig. we were seated comfortably & even exchanging jokes when dalton's car suddenly stopped in mercedes avenue in pasig.we were actually near our destination so what we did was pushed the car to the nearest gas station and grabbed a cab right away. another misfortune came when we finally arrived in asahi, we were told that some expected attendees were held to an emergency meeting so i had to start even if there were only six attendees.good thing we ended up with 14 attendees as the presentation was progressing. not bad since we're really just expecting 20. when the presentation finally ended, we worried about the car and had to hurry back to the gas station. since luck was not really on us, there was no cab around asahi's vicinity and we had to take tricycle...yes, with all the equipments we were carrying...laptop, projector (not the handy type, it was even bigger than my travelling bag!) & all other stuff we had to carry back to our office.it was 4 PM and the sun was still up in all his glory! dalton's car was able to calmly rest in the gas station and we suspected that filling the water tank with water can solve whattchamacallit trouble we encountered...and while dalton was trying to start the engine, i whispered a short prayer and that did it! to end the day, we rewarded ourselves with snacks & coffee in starbucks.....i really felt we deserved that...hopefully that's gonna be the ultimate road show experience...isa na siyang alamat...hehehe!

may 17...rohm lsi road show- no misfortune happened :)

may 18...philips calamba road show. said presentation eaten up my whole day since this is out of town and i had to present in two groups, one in the morning and one in the afternoon.we wrapped up in 4 in the afternoon. my officemates and i went out for dinner afterwards...sorry, can't tell further.

may 19...it's another one on one household for me this week for my lower household. i've received last minute cancellation again and i could no longer hide my depression.sometimes, i can't understand why i'm experiencing these problems. oh well, maybe this is just a phase. i'm starting to miss the days when i was having lower household with 3 or more members present. oh lord, give me more patience and more wisdom to understand....

may 20...my high school friends and i had get-together. gelen handed us her wedding invitation (wedding date is on the 10th of june) and melissa also announced her engagement, she'll be married on december. well, marilen is another case and yes she's currently "involved" with someone....hmmmm...as for myself, i'll be attending the weddings...hahaha! ganun lang...geez, i never thought high school get-together can be pressuring!

after that, i went straight to MMLA, topic was about our community's stand on being PRO-LIFE

may 23-25...general santos city road show.'twas my first time to visit the place. i wasn't excpecting it to be beautiful and enjoyable. i thought, it was just another province.

on our first day, we ate at isla parilla for lunch...there, i met dianna-the fish for the first time. yummy! even better than all the other fishes i've tasted.for someone who loves fish so much, you must believe me when i say, it really tastes good :) of course, sashimi, prawns & seaweeds were also present on the table...it was my best lunch ever! for dinner, we went to naddie's chicken...compering it to chicken bacolod, their chicken is way better.after dinner we went to a bar and watched a band play...geeez, it was horrible! one of the singers was a fag and he was singing mariah carey's songs! uhm, not to forget his dancing, it was almost the same dance i saw in billie's bridal shower...hahaha!

second day in gen san was "work". this was the road show proper. we had over 40 attendees comin' from various companies in gen san.unlike our typical road show, this time we invited an acoustic band to play during lunch (they are soooo waaay better than the one we watched the previous night). we ended at around 2 PM and went to dole philippines' pineapple plantation. i've never seen so many pineapples around me. we took our late lunch in their clubhouse. yes, the company has its own golf course and even has a la salle- operated school in their vicinity for the executives' children... grabe noh? dinner was on roof top of one of the hotels in gen san (sorry, forgot the name) and there i met sergeant-the fish, yummy too but dianna is better. of course, my favorite sashismi was again present on the table.

on our last day before departure, we went to citra mina---it's the place where you buy tuna for pasalubong. i bought tuna panga, sashimi (of course!) and tuna siomai. that's less than Php 500. i love to go back there, in fact, i think, i can live in this place. it's a perfect combination of a progressive city and yet you can still enjoy a provincial atmosphere.you can still have career there since there are big companies and yet life still looks not so stressful.haay, sarap mabuhay dito!

may 26-28...tobit's weekend. this is basically a cfc activity. us SFC leaders were just invited to join. there were sessions really that i felt that it's too for CFC only but in general, the whole activity was truly inspiring.attending CFC activities always make me hopeful that someday i can build a "good" family just like them...at least, i'm seeing living testimonials that there are those that can really make it work...it may not be first-hand experience but the CFCs i know make me sort of hopeful.

our chapter had the most number of sfc attendees and we truly enjoyed each other's company. it's the first time of our brother Beteng to join us in an out-of town activity of SFC though he's been in the community for 11 years. we truly enjoyed his company...he's so funny. he played as our "game master" during our trip. our trip going home was endless games, fun, laughter and singing :)

i'm an old soul

2006-05-14T17:41:00.000+08:00

You Are an Old Soul

You are an experienced soul who appreciates tradition.
Mellow and wise, you like to be with others but also to be alone.
Down to earth, you are sensible and impatient.
A creature of habit, it takes you a while to warm up to new people.

You hate injustice, and you're very protective of family and friends
A bit demanding, you expect proper behavior from others.
Extremely independent you don't mind living or being alone.
But when you find love, you tend to want marriage right away.

Souls you are most compatible with: Warrior Soul and Visionary Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

rants & raves

2006-04-23T20:16:00.000+08:00

it's been a week of rantin' and ravin'

monday{rant & rave}...my college friends and i decided to meet after so many months of not seeing each other. some office works held me to stay longer in the office so i wasn't able to meet jonah & aby at exactly 7 PM. jonah initiated this meeting because she officially announced her engagement, she showed us her cute ring...eh, kelan ko naman kaya makikita ang "groom" ha, jonah? on your wedding day pa? anyway, we just had dinner at libis then bought stuff from tiangge. i bought another pair of chopsticks hair accessorry. i got really pissed off in the office and i accidentally broke the one i was using when i was still in the office so i just had to buy a replacement.

tuesday{rant}...i was just so pissed. i don't exactly like some personalities in my workplace. well, there's just really one at the moment...since i started, i always have this feeling that he doesn't like me and believe me, his criticisms aren't constructive in any way. well, i always try to be civil as much as possible and i always have this attitude not to waste my time on negative thoughts. maiinis ako sandali then papalipasin ko lang, okay na....i may ignore it for a time but i would always remember how a particular person pissed me off.ewan ko ba, that's really just one bad attitude that i have, i could always forgive but never forget.malabo, pwede ba yon?

wednesday{rant}...argh! he gave me more reasons to be even more pissed!

thursday{rave}...hahaha! God is really an awesome God and He's so full of surprises! guess what our household topic was? TAMING OUR HOT TEMPER! Oh yes, Lord... I got your message.I just learned that i'm subconsciously using the "implosion" behavior meaning we give the silent treatment, we sulk, we turn it inward and beat ourselves up. i can actually just talk a lot about this topic since the handouts given to us was quite inquisitive. i on the other hand, was just so happy i was able to release my anger. i don't normally talk about this negative emotion because i consider my work as one of the great blessings God has given me. i really am still a work in progress.hmmm...

friday{rant & rave}...just when i thought i'll be having lower household, i've received last minute cancellations. really depressing.before office week officially ended, sir chito talked to me and handed me a "private and confidential" letter----my performance bonus letter!whew! this week wasn't so bad after all.i was told the money i'll be getting will be credited next friday, i can't wait. ayan mabibilhan ko na si third ng cell phone, i'll be able to have body massage again, i'll also buy dvd player, treat my family for dinner, i'll be able to pay for tobit's weekend, give a little higher than usual tithes, of course, i'll add something for my siblings' school expenses like tuition and school supplies.o ayan, ang dali lang talaga mag-ubos ng pera o, wala pa nga sa kamay ko, parang dumulas na kaagad.since i got no activity lined up for the night, i joined my officemates in their weekly badminton. after sooooooooooooo many months of not playing, pakiramdam ko kinalawang na ko. i've realized how much i miss playing and how i miss feather alley's tuesday badminton club.

saturday{rant}...i couldn't describe my muscle pains...got this from playing badminton. i really lack exercise. i guess i shouldn't blame SOA (sign of old age) for gaining so much weight after all, i really am eating too much and not exercising at all lately. i kept one promise though, during GMT and HLT weeks, i'll join my officemates in playing badminton as much as possible.since i couldn't move a muscle, i decided to just cancel watchig Pido in Eastwood...(sigh) how i miss him. how come i couldn't get over my high school celebrity crushes??? hehehe

in the morning, i got the chance to chat with aby...as expected because we all have this wedding fever thing going on since jonah's announcement, the conversation went like this:

aby: hay naku, jeng. wish ko magka-boyfried ka na talaga

me: asa ka...cge mag-wish ka. may meteor shower daw ngayon tingnan mo kung tatalab hehehe!

aby: he looks decent (referring to latest crush)

me: hahaha...you didn't see him in his swimwear parang trunks na parang cycling shorts na ewan.

aby: okay na yun para nde mabago tingin ko sa kanya

me: decent? wala akong crush na decent.

aby: hahaha! oo nga...

even my long-time pals know about it, my preference in men is quite different. i may like some decent-looking few but they're either married or celebrities...how immature! geez....

holy week traditions

2006-04-16T19:10:00.000+08:00

today is easter sunday.this means holy week is over and so is my vacation :(

for 7 years now, i've been spending holy week here in cainta. since papa died, our family never got the chance to spend holy week in pangasinan anymore. i truly miss those years when we, as family would travel and do annual holy week traditions together.aside from visiting our folks there, we used to visit the shrine of our lady of manaoag completing our 13-week novena and would go straight to annual family outing.usually, we were like 3-4 families having the grandest times of our lives...those were the days. everything's too different now...aside from papa having the grandest time of his life partying with God and His angels now, Tito Danny's family is also residing in New York for the past 10 years.we just couldn't do stuff just like before anymore, moving on is the only way to go.

for the past 4 years, i've been doing visita iglesia every holy thursday with my SFC friends. during our first year of doing this, we visited some churches in rizal and some in manila then years therefater, we've just been visiting rizal. nothing beats the first time we did this because seeing the old churches really amazed me primarily because i love classic architecture and seeing "ruins" never fails to excite my blood. it has always been like this...i remember my photography classes in college, since the manila area was the nearest place we can visit, we used to visit intramuros and quiapo a lot for our requirements and maybe since i'm quite used to taking pictures of congested areas, the serenity ambiance of rizal province was really something new for me four years ago...the years thereafter, it's like seeing the churches again the first time.

here are some classics....

sfc east a 1c

familias sa visita iglesia (familia junio at familia sfc east a {1c with 1b}) lunch at kainan sa hardin. sorry, no pix while we were eating, gutom na lahat kaya heto na langour jeepney ride.hanep, may "assurance", just push the "botton"

how i spent my good friday was like another new tradition which we started last year. my sisters, brother-in-law and myself joined the annual procession here in Cainta which features the different images of mary all dressed in glory.the procession started from our lady of light parish then we went to different barangays then from marick subdivision almost near junction, we made a u-turn going back to the parish again. it was an almost 2-hour walk, although i would experience some grasping of breath moments (hehehe!), nothing seriously bad happened to me and the miracle of all miracles is that my legs didn't hurt.

hmmm, i know that during lent i should be fasting...well, i did, really (chuckle)! okay, so meat is not really my favorite that's why i've eaten more when veggies & fish were served on the table and when i say i more, i mean MORE... like 3 cups of rice :) but hey, i've given up a week of drinking coffee during the lent, that's my own sacrifice since i know that not eating meat isn't much of a sacrifice for me so i might as well sacrifice the one i truly love...coffee!

3-ann and 3rd will be spending summer vacation here that's why our house is again jam-packed and laughter-filled ! it's really so nice to have them back, minsan nagsasawa na rin talaga ako na kami na lang lagi ni jm magkasama eh. (hahaha!)

A Different Approach to Fasting...

2006-04-06T17:33:00.000+08:00

here's one e-mail in my inbox this morning...very timely for lent.

Fasts have a tendency to be oriented toward things like giving up food or television. But there are many other creative ways we can welcome Jesus' healing touch.Here are suggestions you may want to consider.

1. Fast from anger and hatred.
Give your family an extra dose of love each day.

2. Fast from judging others.
Before making any judgments, recall howJesus overlooks our faults.

3. Fast from discouragement.
Hold on to Jesus' promise that He has a perfect plan for your life.

4. Fast from complaining.
When you find yourself about to complain,close your eyes and recall some of the little moments of joy Jesus has given you.

5. Fast from resentment or bitterness!.
Work on forgiving those who mayhave hurt you.

6. Fast from spending too much money.
Try to reduce your spending by ten percent and give those savings to the poor

hmmmm, that's some fasting... should i rather fast from watching television? hahaha!

'ey please pray for me. i'll be going home to pangasinan tomorrow afternoon to fetch my siblings and i'll be travelling alone (nde na ba ko nasanay?). basta, prayers please, i'll be back on saturday :)

here's to endings and beginnings

2006-03-31T18:15:00.000+08:00

endings

31st march always ends the company's fiscal year.for a job well done (we hit 94% of our management target), we had free lunch (yummy, yummy northpark food!) and the region declared half-day of operations.we started the day actually, with the usual fiscal year-ending review of what we have achieved and our future targets, goals & upcoming promos. i thought it was just one one of those usual reviews that we usually have as we end the fiscal year, i never thought it would be that emotional. just as our country manager, sir chito, was concluding his presentation, he said "my task is done"...believe me, question marks (and a lot at that!) flashed through my head. and so there, he bid goodbye to everyone and told us he's leaving the company for another job and he's leaving us with the company's strongest post so far. he wasn't leaving because the company is not doing good, the figures he presented earlier proved so.i almost cried with his announcement.aside from being the country manager, he actually took the post of an acting marketing manager when my previous boss decided to just concentrate on sales. i was directly reporting to him prior to the arrival of the new boss. though short, our working relationship actually created so much impact on me...he inspired me to be better because he's really, really bright and very knowledgable.i wish i can be like him in the future..that is someone who truly knows my work and the company's business.he's also CFC so if i tell him that i'll be attending build, household and all the other community service, he understands.i was really shocked of the news, i never had clues or whatsoever prior to his announcement. until now, i still haven't recovered. this is a first for me actually because for the last 4 jobs that i had, i was the one leaving my bosses and the companies i've worked for.now, i know how it feels...it's sad, really sad.i hate goodbyes.

to end and thank the big man above for all our blessings, we also celebrated mass in the office. the homily was really good, father ben talked about letting Jesus be seen in us. father stressed that Jesus is our co-worker, in every decision we make, in every step we take, He wants to be part of all these.he ended the homily with the the usual saying that we as SFCs are very familiar with...let go and let God.

beginnings

our national sales manager, sir glenn, was promoted to take the post of the new country manager.as he was giving a short message, he wasn't able to hold his tears.he told us he didn't really aspire for the title nor dreamt of actually reporting to the region's general manager, he's quite contented of what he has now but God gave him a new challenge or let's say a broader horizon of responsibilities and he willingly took it.btw, he's also CFC :) as for sir chito, he also asked for prayers so that the he'll be able to handle the new challenges that he'll be facing in the company he'll be working for.

new fiscal year will officially start tomorrow...i'm actually afraid and yet excited.

to sir chito, we'll truly miss you. until now, i can't imagine rs ph without you.

to sir glenn, be not afraid.rs ph team is here to always support you.

birthday & name

2006-03-30T16:07:00.000+08:00

i chanced upon this site that a friend of mine forwarded. it's supposed to tell what your birthday says about you & what your name means....hmmm, i'm not really into these kind of things because in SFC we were taught not to believe in such but i'd like to share the results as well...based on how i know myself, there are some truths about the results. here's a glimpse...

BIRTHDAY : SEPTEMBER 16, 19_ _

Your date of conception was on or about 24 December 19_ _ which was a Saturday. (christmas eve ??? hmmm....interesting...hahaha!)

You were born on a Saturday under the astrological sign Virgo.Your Life path number is 5.
As of 3/30/2006 3:13:08 AM EST

You are _ _ years old.
You are 330 months old.
You are 1,437 weeks old.
You are 10,057 days old.
You are 241,371 hours old.
You are 14,482,273 minutes old.
You are 868,936,388 seconds old.
Your age is the equivalent of a dog that is 3.93620352250489 years old. (Life's just a big chewy bone for you!)

Your birthstone is Sapphire.

The Mystical properties of Sapphire though not meant to replace traditional medical treatment, Sapphire is used for clear thinking.

Your birth tree is Lime Tree, the Doubt
Accepts what life dishes out in a composed way (?), hates fighting, stress and labour (!), tends to laziness and idleness(!) , soft and relenting (?), makes sacrifices for friends (?), many talents but not tenacious enough to make them blossom(!), often wailing and complaining(?), very jealous(?), loyal(!).

The moon's phase on the day you were born was waxing gibbous.

FULL NAME: J_ _ _ _ _NN JUNIO

There are 13 letters in your name.Those 13 letters total to 60.There are 5 vowels and 8 consonants in your name.

Your number is: 6
The characteristics of #6 are: Responsibility, protection, nurturing, community, balance, sympathy.(!!!!!!)

The expression or destiny for #6:The number 6 Expression provides you a truly outstanding sense of responsibility, love, and balance. The 6 is helpful and ever conscientious, making you quite capable of rectifying and balancing any sort of inharmonious situation. You are a person very much inclined to give help and comfort to those in need. You have a natural penchant for working with the old, the young, the sick, or the underprivileged. Although you may have considerable creative and artistic talents, the chances are that you will devote yourself to an occupation that shows concern for the betterment of the community.

The positive side of the number 6 suggests that you are very loving, friendly, and appreciative of others. You have a depth of understanding that produces much sympathetic, kindness, and generosity. The qualities of the 6 make the finest and most concerned parent and one often deeply involved in domestic activities. Openness and honesty is apparent in your approach to all relationships.

If there is an excess of the number 6 in your makeup, you may exhibit some of the negative traits associated with this number. There may be a tendency for you to be too exacting and demanding of yourself. In this regard, you may at times sacrifice yourself (or your loved ones) for the welfare of others. In some cases, the over zealous 6 has difficulty distinguishing helping from interfering. You may have difficulty expressing your own individuality, because of involvement with responsibilities and causes. Like all with the Expression of the number 6, it's quite likely that you worry much too much.

Your Soul Urge number is: 1
A Soul Urge number of 1 means: Your Soul Urge is the number 1. With a Soul Urge number of 1, you want to lead and direct, to work independent of supervision, by yourself or with subordinates. You take pride in your abilities and want to be recognized for them. You may seek opportunities to display your strength and usefulness, wanting to create and originate. In your desire to manage the big picture and the main issues, you may often leave the details to others.

The positive 1 Soul Urge is Ambitious and determined, a leader seeking opportunities. There is a great deal of honesty and loyalty in this character. If you possess positive 1 Soul Urge qualities, you are very attainment oriented and driven to success. You are a loyal friend and strictly fair in your business dealings.

The negative side of the 1 Soul Urge must be avoided. A negative 1 is apt to dominate situations and people; the home, the spouse, the family and the business. Emotions aren't strong in this nature. If you possess an excess of 1 energy, you may, at times, be boastful and egotistic. You must avoid being too critical and impatient of trifles. The great need of the 1 Soul Urge is the development of friendliness, and a sincere interest in people.

Your Inner Dream number is: 5
An Inner Dream number of 5 means: You dream of being totally free and unrestrained by responsibility. You see yourself conversing and mingling with the natives in many nations, living for adventure and life experiences. You imagine what you might accomplished.

you can tell how above descriptions fit me (grabe, even the negative ones!). i know there's scientific explanation to this, all i know is that numerology is also a science...whatever! (math pa rin yun, i don't wanna dig deeper into it, nose bleed ito!). i'm quite contented that my knowledge in astrology ends with my fascination with the sight of beautiful heavenly bodies such as the stars & the moon.

for the fun of it,
check out the birthday calculator for all sorts of fun facts about you and your birthday, and find out what your name means and says about you.

refreshing

2006-03-26T01:22:00.000+08:00

just arrived from eastwood.

right after hearing anticipated mass we(ate jhett,kokoy,anna e. & myself) fetched ria and had dinner at max's eastwood then we had coffee after, as usual.it was really like the old times...i kinda missed this group, we're almost the same age-group in sfc.ria's the youngest among us (pero hindi halata, hahaha!), anna is just 2 months older than me, kokoy & ate jhett are the same age. lately in sfc, i was always with the 30-ish group.although i don't really feel so young around them (since i can still in some ways relate to them)but sometimes, i also look forward to being with my contemporaries maybe because we speak the same language and we're both dealing with the same stage of life. over coffee, we talked about a lot of things ---my new malaysian so-called crush, ria's so-called break-up, anna's so-called fashion 101, etc...(noticed? everything's "so-called", all topics are quite non-sense actually). we're actually in situations in finding ourselves, anna & i being the realistic ones, we just deal with life in whatever way life wants to present life to us...in other words, we deal with whatever is in our faces unlike ria the so-called idealistic, she has always this "realizations", "analysis" and stuff...she deals with life "intellectually".there's really nothing wrong with that, different strokes for different folks.my sis on the other hand is just helping out...setting up ria for another date when she's ready, helping anna with her fashion dilemma, blahblahblah...we also made plans for summer ---next week's wave 89.1's anniversary,beach, belly dancing, pig-out (our priority!), shopping in divisoria, etc.... sana kahit isa may matuloy :) the gathering was quite refreshing...for quite some time, we weren't able to hang out together, we were too busy last year...ate jhett& kokoy were too busy preparing for their wedding, ria was dealing with a romantic relationship, anna was busy with work and hiding from us (hehehe!) & i was too busy working.at least, for the first time in months i wasn't able to talk about sometimes-stressful sfc service and very stressful corporate life... whoaaaaaa!

no boundaries

2006-03-19T10:18:00.000+08:00

i've been posting most of my SFC activities lately, let me now share about work.

last march 8-11, rs south asia (philippines, singapore, malaysia & thailand) gathered together at phuket island, thailand for our fy07 business launch, no boundaries. this was quite a big event since this was the first time that all countries in the region gathered together in one event. there were some country level preparations that were done prior to the launch and being in the marketing department means bulk of the job was on us. i hated it, part of me was honestly wishing that this phuket event would not push through ( hey, i did not wish for another tsunami, okay ? )

1st night - gala dinner

few hours after our long trip (PH team had to take connecting flight from SG to phuket since we're quite a big group, no airline w/ direct flight to phuket could accommodate us), we bathed and prepared ourselves for the formal dinner. the girls were supposed to wear cocktail dress and the guys should wear coat & tie (hmmm, to be fair to all, no national costume should be worn...the filipino guys could have bragged about our very unique & elegant barong tagalog, tsk,tsk,tsk). i wore a blue green cocktail dress w/c i borrowed from my sister (thanks ate jhett!), my roommate cum fashion-guru, lyn braided my hair and provided me with accessories.again, thanks to my sponsors (hehehe!) .

1st night's highlights were the following:

a) RS PH grabbed the South Asia Sales Champion Award (congrats kaye!)

b) RS PH grabbed 1st place in the Karaoke Competition (as expected, hehehe!). we were asked to have a representative to sing one slow song & one fast song...no boundaries, we can be as creatively crazy as we can...our Distributors Sales Channel Manager, Mickey represented PH. he sang "the way you look tonight" & "crazy little thing called love"...RS girls served as back-up dancers.

c) lastly, our first taste of Thailand's gay community...i felt insulted...they were so pretty and sexy.

2nd day - seminar

this was the business launch proper. the annual briefing on catalogue changes & new highlights for the coming FY was given to us. the "best piggy bank" winners were also awarded, congrats Ronald for grabbing the award for ODS Category. i think and you can call me bias (i don't care!) that among all the countries, PH's piggy banks were creatively done. after lunch, we had break-up sessions for our country discussion which mostly revolved on sales.

after the seminar, we had dinner and shopping...i enjoyed dinner more (one un-girly trait of mine). since phuket is actually a tourist destination, most of the items are really expensive. some items being sold there can actually be bought in boracay,divisoria, greenhills, tiendesitas, st.francis square...basta tiangge for a cheaper price. the vendors there are not as friendly and as accommodating compared to filipino people. i don't know if it's just thai people's manner of speaking or in some ways, they were discriminating us because we're obviously asians unlike the majority of their visitors who are mostly europeans...hey, don't we both belong to third world countries? you should know how to empathize, huh?!

3rd day - sports & creative events

third day was mainly focused on recreation, a very competitive recreation at that.to select the over-all champion, 10% of the criteria will be coming from the day 1 videoke competition, 40% from sports competition (water polo, beach volleyball, soccer) & 50% on creative competition (print ad, tv ad, radio ad & fashion show). i think all countries equalled in sports events.

since i'm asthmatic, i wasn't able to join any of the sports events and i was stuck in modelling. can you imagine? with my height, i looked like someone modelling for pre-teen garments or someone joining little miss philippines, hehehe. we actually modelled clothings which we decorated with rs products (cables, wires, capacitors, resistors, etc...) i enjoyed decorating the clothes actually. it's one of the pre-launch activities i've done. others are also creative stuff like the print ad, radio ad, tv ad and of course dance practices for the videoke competition.we were actually applauded when we modelled (can you believe that?). we did professional cat walk which i've just learned few hours before the show. we weren't able to practice when we were in PH office.due to PH's limited resources (RS PH is the only country without a warehouse thus we have very limited products to showcase), malaysia was able to beat us.

well, my honest opinion is that, they did not actually do a fashion show, they were trying so hard to be funny...but i must admit they do have a good showcase of rs products..that made them win. in terms of the advertisements, ph's advertisements are the ones with professionally- conceptualized campaign but not done professionally i must admit, since all the shooting & editing were done in-house. in fairness, ours are the ones that you can consider commercials.. short yet concise, messages clearly sent through to the audience. i don't know if you can call a 3 minute- testimonial or music video a tv commercial? how about an almost 2 -minute radio contest? is that a radio commercial??? so there, since the so-called fashion show had so much impact, malaysia placed over-all champion, philippines as 1st runner- up & singapore as 2nd runner-up. i don't wanna sound bitter but for someone who majored in advertising, my fair judgement is that our team should have won... in our hearts, we know we didn't exert so much effort in terms of preparations unlike malaysia so it's really okay if they grabbed the prize, they've worked so hard for it, in that sense alone, they deserved the championship they've won.

afer the program, we had the chance to do whatever we want so lynn and i toured the place and took more pictures.we had dinner in the sidewalk and believe me the food is equally sumptuous as the ones you can eat in fancy restaurants.i was able to dip in the pool when we went back to the hotel...night swimming at its best.

4th day - farewell

last day was spent in travelling back to manila. phuket is such a nice place, i would love to go back if given another chance.

my reasonable excuse for my blogging absence

2006-02-27T23:07:00.001+08:00

my blogging absence for so long do not actually mean that i have no story to tell, in fact, i've gathered quite a number of worth blogging ones that i'm having a hard time starting. before stories pile up even more, i think i better start. . .

SFC REVOLUTION
only my 2nd SFC International Leaders' Conference so far for an almost six years stay in the community.unlike the others who got frustrated when this was announced last MMLC , i was actually one of the few people who was excited to know that this will be in Baguio. the reason for my excitement was, i know i'll be able to attend because holding this in Baguio would mean not spending too much for accommodation & transportation that's why my meager money was actually enough but God was really generous to give me additional just in the nick of time (the reimbursement for my medicines was deposited while i was in baguio!).

just to enumerate all my learnings & realizations during the conference:
> redefining God's Gift : more than its romantic angle, God's Gift is actually your vocation (whether it's married life, single blessedness, priesthood, etc....) and there's no "lesser" gift because it's God-given.
> self-revolution is making a 180 degree turn from your bad old ways
> we should be radical Christians because the spiritual warfare has always been on-going, even worse than any other wars around
> on a more personal note, i was able to fully relate with the first talk & its sharer. i was able to realize that i have no acceptable reason to complain on life's hardships because Christ took even the more difficult road, experienced much deeper pain so as just to save us from sins
> i've gained so much in this conference, in fact more than all the realizations, the affirmation to still continue doing all my SFC activities with passion created so much impact on me. for one, it took away all my doubts as to what my real motives are in staying active in SFC...admittedly, it also dawned on me if i was just doing all these activities because i wanted to use the community as escape goat from life's realities. after the conference, all my questions were answered...this community should not be my escape goat. all the enjoyment, all the fulfillments, all the friends i've gained are God's rewards in heeding to His call. I'm more than blessed :)
> i've appreciated the chapter where i belong to even more...they're full of wisdom (double meaning, hehehe!), real, funny, and above all, MATURE! i need not elaborate more, all i can say is that my patience was once again tested.

GK 1MB {Gawad Kalinga Isang Milyong Bayani}

>feb 25th of this year marks EDSA 1's 20th anniversary. in celebration of the event,our community had HEROES BUILD in the morning. as usual,i helped in facilitating SAGIP activities...though really hot, it was a lot of fun!

>in the afternoon, all of us went to quezon city memorial circle and attended GK 1MB program...there, big and small heroes were recognized...i'm quite proud to be numbered along with them

>right after the program was the concert wherein two major bands were featured.i truly enjoyed the last band, bamboo...not only did i enjoy their songs and performance but i felt good to see once again my long-time object of infatuation, ira, bamboo's lead gitarist

>the tiring day ended with a ride of a lifetime :)

just scribbling them all down

2006-02-04T16:54:00.000+08:00

today is one of those rare saturdays that i just need to sit down and rest. i'm supposed to be doing two major tasks : sagip in the morning and laundry (either before or after my sagip service). well, i wasn't able to do any of those. i spent my whole day watching tv and browsing the net. i know my brother is getting tired of my idleness lately (you should see him giving me litany all the time----i'm damn getting tired of those!). being idle is not even my nature,i just don't wanna tire myself too much lately. a day in the office is already too much for me to handle, when i get home,l i just wanna do one thing---REST. i have a rather logical explanation to that. you know, i used to contribute a lot at home in all aspects but for the past months now, i just couldn't do too much physical work. i feel that i haven't been breathing normally, i get tired easily and experience chest pains once in a while. yes, i've been seeing a doctor since december (right after i got hospitalized). i had one vaccination recently and will have another one this month. these vaccinations if not only would give me some sort of assurance of a better health is not something i will normally take. i find each shot quite costly, soooo way beyond my tight budget. my medicine for maintenance is also costly, i badly need to buy one already since the 60th inhalation has long been over but i couldn't afford it. my budget is quite tight, it's either i take the vaccination or buy that damn expensive medicine! another thing to consider is the upcoming SFC International Leaders' Conference next week at Baguio...i don't know how will i be able to manage the expenses there. i never had these soooo much pressure financially before, somehow i managed to play with what i have.maybe all these will also pass ---i don't really know how, honestly. every time, i wake up in the morning lately... i never fail to thank God for letting me still see another morning despite all the breathing problems :) somehow, i know i'll be able to manage all these---again, i really don't know how...maybe, God just loves me so much that He helps me bear all these:)

i need to just jot down some firstssssss for the year :
a) trip to indonesia

b) anti-bacteria vaccination
c) another major adjustment (new manager came in last month)

2 months !

2005-12-20T13:32:00.000+08:00

it's exactly 2 months since i've posted last. . . blame it on my busy sched. how i miss blogging and i truly regret that i wasn't able to post some significant happenings recently (2 months is still recent right?). i'm currently on-leave from the office. my supposedly first two-days of vacation leave were spent in the hospital....life's been so stressfull, you know... and my asthma attacks became so frequent and there you go, right after my check-up, i was confined. i hated hearing all the "i told you so" from family and friends. i'm gonna be back to work tomorrow and yes, stressfull life will continue on. i'll be back to my workaholic self and puhleazze don't stop me, i still find "work" therapeutic (ironic, huh?)

'ey best wishes to ate jhett and kkk (kuya kokoy,hehehe!). they tied the knots last sunday.

our family pix :

with sfc (i think, gaining some weight right after that hospital rest ain't so bad after all) :

bora...

2005-10-20T15:38:00.000+08:00

BORACAY !

i was able to visit boracay when we had our sales conference last week. i truly enjoyed it. i'm one of those lucky people who were able to visit the place during off-peak season. . . when the place is so serene with very few people in the island (at least fewer compared to summer!). pictures above were just photographs captured by my officemates during our island hopping. btw, i was able to kayak for teh first time during our amazing race teambuilding. i'll be posting more pictures soon. for now, just enjoy the view :)

c h a n g e s

2005-09-30T01:28:00.000+08:00

"The only constant thing in this world is change"---I've been hearing this line numerous times when I was in high school. This was our directress' favorite line...believe me, like all other things that those nuns were telling us, this was one of those that I only remember due to repetition ... and later on became my constant reminder to cherish every moment and give importance to all things that I'm currently enjoying...BUT always make myself ready for whatever changes life's circumstances may bring.

It's been 10 years since I've graduated from high school and I just turned 27 last September 16. To enumerate worth-celebrating moments of my life…here are first moments that all happened when I was 26 years old:

1) I was able to ride a ferry boat
2) I was able to ride an airplane
3) I was able to ride LRT 2
4) I was able to reach far south of the Philippines (Cebu & Davao)
5) I was able to step on foreign countries (Singapore & Malaysia)
6) My siblings and I started renting an apartment (I really thought, we could never afford this at first...but God never fails to provide!)
7) I was able to hear my young siblings play the guitar
8) I was able to have my very 1st company health card (yeah, after soooo many jobs, I finally got the benefit)
9) I've started loving koreanovelas on local TV (blame it on my all-time favorite Korean film, My Sassy Girl)
10) I've started exploring MS excel. . . i'm not still proficient though but I could say I'm better now!
11) I teamled one SFC Christian Life Program
12) I've started handling SAGIP San Andres
13) I've given up badminton nights for other more important things (like household, work & health)
14) I was able to watch one major concert of Southborder and started loving them (read: they've been in the industry for more than a decade already and I just started liking them recently) . . .how I love "wherever you are"!

i really can't believe, I'm already 27.it seems i haven't done much in my life yet and there are still so many things to do. . .so many tasks yet to accomplish, so may dreams yet to realize. . .so many changes yet to happen. . .oh well, wisdom comes with age anyway so i might as well accept all these old-age jitters :)

TIMELINE

2005-09-12T16:59:00.000+08:00

TWENTY YEARS AGO.
I was in kindergarden and encountered my very first conflict with a teacher.

FIFTEEN YEARS AGO.
1990. I was in 5th Grade and stopped studying soooo hard. I was so into reading Sweet Dreams pocketbooks and started to explore arts in various forms.

TEN YEARS AGO.
1995 .I've graduated from high school and was in deep depression because I was having a hard time looking for a school in college, and hell yeah, having a tough time also in making up my mind to choose what course to take. I was eventually led to an all-girl college school (where I've never imagined I'll be spending college) and took bachelor of fine arts major in advertising.

FIVE YEARS AGO.
2000. A year after my dearest father's death. I'm trying to move on with my life after experiencing all the first moments without him (christmas, birthday, holy week, summer).

I joined Singles for Christ and started exploring how wonderful life is with Christ. I also entered my second job in this year, which was in Canelle Food Corporation (Cinnabon Philippines) which opened the doors in my marketing career.

THREE YEARS AGO.
2002.Due to health reasons and personal values & principles, I left Canelle Food Corporation and hopped to an administrative work in Meralco Foundation. There, I've met equally opinionated peers (like me!). This job has a very lax environment and bored me to death. With God's intervention (who somehow successfully worked hard to kick me out of this workplace eventually), i left the company after four months.

How could I ever forget this year? This was the year when that supposedly someone who should tie us all together as one family left us.

LAST YEAR.
2004. I was on my second year of involvement in CFC-Singles For Christ's work with the poor program called Gawad Kalinga(GK). I handled the documentation team and volunteered as a teacher for a weekly educational program for elementary-aged kids called SAGIP. I was also able to realize how fortunate I am despite all my trials. By last quarter of this year, my GK service was moved to another site .

This year, Feather Alley's Tuesday Badminton Club (composed of East A's SFC members) was also born.

My siblings and I started renting an apartment due to unavaoidable circumstances. We were also handling financial obligations by ourselves including tuition fees of our 2 siblings (which we started doing in 2003).

On my 2nd year at Caspian Concepts, a management firm for fine-dining restaurants. I was a one-woman marketing team with additional tasks of handling the restaurants, convenience store and e-hub inside the 3 ships of SuperFerry. During the last quarter of this year, I was actively looking for a new job due to work-related stress which I couldn't anymore handle and additional financial obligations which my meager salary couldn't support.In December, I was able to find a new job at RS Components Limited.

THIS YEAR.
As of this writing, I'm on my 9th month as RS Components Limited's Marketing Officer. I'm feeling the never-before pressure in my previous jobs.I'm not quitting yet, that's for sure.

I was able to step on Singapore,Malaysia, Davao and Boracay (soon) for the first time because of work.

My service in SFC was sort of lessen because I'm now trying to squeeze everything in, if there's spare time.

NEXT YEAR.
2006.I'll continue with whatever I'm doing---FAMILY,WORK, SFC and squeeze in time for friends.I have no clue if there will ever be transition. . .For sure there will be. . .my life is full of those!

TEN YEARS FROM NOW.
2015. I love to see myself as a family woman by that time. . .BUT if it turns out otherwise, I hope to be at least financially stable. I mean, at least not anymore renting an apartment but rather paying my own house and lot where third and tri-ann will be staying. Maybe, mom will also be with me. I hope to be out of credit card debts.I may still be employed but I’ll have more time to my other interests specifically arts. I hope to have a deeper and more meaningful personal relationship with God.

No definite plans obviously, as you all know, I don't really set goals…I just go with the flow :)

tired but still thankful

2005-08-30T15:50:00.000+08:00

'ey everyone! it feels good to be back. month of august was really something and paper works in the office piled up tremendously. i know, i sort of owe people stories about my trip but there's nothing really to tell...i was most of the time inside a conference room in guoman resort,port dickson. take a glimpse of the beautiful place

i've enjoyed the view actually since my room is fronting the poolview and beachview.i wasn't able to bathe in the pool though...schedule was really tight, darn. i kinda hoped we were just in a hotel in the city so i could have at least strolled around in the evening. anyway, during my first few nights, i stayed at sheraton hotel in subang. a new ODS guy in RS MY named Timothy (who was staying in the same hotel where i was) was kind enough to accompany me to my 1st dinner at Malaysia during my first night. since we're both technically new (me, being in a foreign country and he, being barely a week-old employee at RS), we ended up spending breakfast, dinner and going to RS MY office and going back to the hotel. Leslie, the Tech Support guy from RS Singapore also joined us for dinner the 2nd night (guess why? same reason---he was also staying at sheraton). the three of us after dinner strolled in a mall (forgot the name but it's quite big and not as crowded as the malls here in PH). This was after my whole-day training of PIVOTAL with Beehong. my activities mainly in Malaysia are to eat, travel, training, meetin,meeting & meeting! nothing more to tell, really.

few days after malaysia trip, i flew to davao for our catalogue launch there. the last in our list...whew!i chanced upon meeting an old pal, agot when i was in the airport...we chatted while waiting for our flight sched, she was heading to cagayan de oro,also for official business.

davao launch, i can say is the most successful among our launches (in terms of attendance and preparation). i was also able to sneak some time to buy items for my siblings and friends....processed durian, anyone? candies, pies, yema...i still have more at home. here's our pic in one of the bars in davao, taken after the launch

when i went back to the hotel, i had a very relaxing massage (just to pamper myself once in a while. i guess, i deserve this one after all the hardwork!)

i arrived in manila last saturday and in the tradition of attending aby's birthday on 27th august, i went. she introduced me to her new boyfriend, dacs. can't help but feel happy for my friend...as long as you're happy, aby...GO!

to end the week, i attended my niece's baptism and stood as her godmother. travel was quite far though, it was in cavite.can you just imagine how tired i was? and bad news was our fickle-minded president, announced that we have work the next day despite the celebration of national heroes day. i couldn't get it are those heroes only heroes to students and working in goverment offices?

huh, really tiring activities. 'til now i haven't recovered with the busy sched that i had recently because i am now starting to do tons of pending works due to the trips. anyway, i still praise God for all the new & exciting experiences lately :)

need your prayers

2005-08-13T18:30:00.000+08:00

just got back from our subic catalogue launch. 1 more launch to go and we'll be done with the series of launches. praise god! the launch was quite successful despite the storm. i'm so glad we were able to reach the site safely despite unlighted street and storm during our trip going there.

btw, on monday, i'll be leaving for malaysia for my in-depth pivotal training and to attend our regional marketing conference. this is quite one scary trip for me for this will be the first time i'm leaving the country alone (my boss will follow two days after though) and it will also be my first time in the said country. thank god malaysian folks were kind enough to give me necessary instructions.

people, please pray for me and send me text messages (dapat tagalog!). i'll be back on saturday, 20th july.i'll truly miss you guys.

Not His Best Time Yet . . . (i can fully understand, why can't they?)

2005-08-10T11:57:00.000+08:00

I've always enjoyed family gatherings when I was growing up. I love seeing cousins (and other family members) whom I've not been seeing for a long time since most of my aunts and uncles (mother's side) live far south. I used to love chatting with them, talking about school happenings (when I was in college, the so-called fight with my college professor was such a hit . . .hahaha ! I can't believe I made them even prouder! Crazy family? Tell me about it!) and not to forget ---videoke to sawa. Oh, how I hated saying goodbye to relatives when we had to call it a day.

Please refer to above paragraph. I consciously used past tense. It's not that I now hate family gatherings; I just don't anymore look forward to one and should I need to attend one, I'd rather speak with younger folks (0-15 year olds) and should there be any chance so I can escape, I grab it immediately. Just in case you wanna know the reason. . .I simply hate being asked when will I show up having a boyfriend or when will I be married or when will I have children of my own. I'm sick and tired of it. . .sooooo sick and tired ! ! ! No, I don't feel pressured at all because I know God will give that special someone to me in His best time. For now, I just have to do all the responsibilities that He has given me and enjoy all my blessings. Okay, I must admit that I feel a little pressured during family gatherings when all they talk about is raising their own children and the like. But geez, most of the time, I'm quite occupied to even think about it.

I know, I'm not getting any younger. I'm 26 and will be 27 next month which is quite a critical age and if I intend to have children, I have to start looking around for a partner (unfortunately, I can't have asexual reproduction or not even worthy to have Immaculate Conception). Come on, my time is quite tight that even hanging out with friends (referring to non-SFC) should be scheduled ahead of time. SFC friends, however, since they all live nearby, always give me surprise visits whenever they feel like dropping by . . .that is, if I'm at home or not busy doing household chores.

I hope that my relatives will realize that I'm still a lady needs to be pursued. Unlike men, I can't just court any one. I also understand three kinds of men within my circle: men that get intimidated of me, men that are afraid to have commitment with someone like me (referring to eccentricities and responsibilities tagged along with me) and men who do not like me romantically. Believe me, I don't even have a hint of who falls into those categories; all I know is that those are three reasons why I never had any romantic relationships since birth. I don't wanna sound like rationalizing my being single, I'm not even complaining to God about it. His best time is yet to come and I'm in no hurry (really!).

Personally, I'm okay--- hypocrisy aside. My stature may look so out of the norm but don't my ways and my life always have been? I hope people (especially my relatives from both sides) will understand that though they may think of me as a control-freak, there are just some things in life that are way beyond my control and I respect the plans of someone from above for me. I can't simply do things my way.

T R I P

2005-08-06T08:52:00.000+08:00

i went on a trip last weekend with my sfc community. it was quite a journey...together, we've travelled down memory lane on how we've journeyed our lives. there were too many questions running on my mind. sure, during my so-called "ride", i've encountered humps, there were crossroads, for some time it was a smooth ride only to realize that i took the wrong direction and needed to make a u-turn...apparently, i've never seen myself driving...i always have a "driver" and i know he'll always be in control. at times, i could really be so stubborn on insisting to take roads i think are right..he'll do as i wish and join me in trudging the direction i want, only to realize that he's leading me to the path he always wants me to take.sorry, i couldn't really "step on the gas", i'm just a passenger enjoying this ride.

just to add : sectormates, despite the failures...i believe we remain victorious for the simple reason that we fought a good fight! aja aja...FIGHTING!
(yes, we also deserved that VICTORY LINER ride, hahaha!)

usapang busmates

2005-07-21T18:29:00.000+08:00

"everyone's getting married and species like us (the so-called "nbsb-type") just became rare and suddenly just became not normal"- - -as what my highschool busmate, ces and i recently talked about during one unexpected fx ride together. before, when we heard of someone we know getting married or having a baby, it was like receiving the greatest shocks of our lives but now, we just can't help not to envy their luck. . .hahaha!

funny that back in high school, all of us were just plainly admiring the supposedly world's half-population or what other girls refer as "boys" . back then, even the not -so-good-looking boys can still be anybody's object of affection in an all-girls school like ours . . .hehehe! now that most of my high school busmates (oh please include more than half of my batchmates, schoolmates, friends and mere acquaintances) have husbands already or at least have potential ones, i suddenly felt that when the world rotated, that certain part of my life never rotated along with them. truly, a lot of things have changed in my life except for my status. as one of my busmates and sister in sfc, ria once concluded that since my grade school days was the only time i actually mingled and dealt with boys daily, i never outgrew the "girls vs. boys" stage. well, i couldn't agree more.

this is not to shout to the world about my singlehood and how i am actually enjoying (and SOMETIMES NOT, admittedly) such status. what i'd like to stress in this entry is that it still surprises me how time can change or unchange life, and how certain part of our lives remain unpredictable. sometimes, you just can't tell your future, not even by tracing back your past nor by the goals you've once set to achieve.

usapang busmates . . oh, how i miss shallow, uncomplicated conversations. i never thought that recalling such events would give me an almost 2-hour fun. 'til next ride!

rest and relaxation

2005-07-06T08:31:00.000+08:00

monday night was cramming night for me. i arrived home late and i had to prepare for my scheduled lower household the day after. i was browsing through christian references that i have but to no avail, i just couldn't find anything. when my sister arrived from her household, i asked what their topic was so i could probably just copy. she said, it came from "in his steps". sometimes i also use this as reference but as i was browsing, i remember sunday's gospel taken from matthew 11:28-30 "come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and i will give you rest. take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for i am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. for my yoke is easy and my burden is light". convinced that god will take care of me for the next day's household, i took rest and read my longtime favorite juvenile book, "wrong-way romance" until i fell asleep.

tuesday morning came, i gathered my household materials as i was preparing myself for work and planned to just browse again through my references in the office and just decide there. while i was getting my "perfect partner", i saw a paper inserted in it, a topic that was just given to us by ate lydia but never really discussed since we basically just visited a sick sister last time. . . the topic was "Jesus Took Time To Rest". . .whoa, just perfect!

here are some good points to ponder from our topic last night:

>>"come ye yourselves apart into desert place and rest a while" (Mark 6:31)

>> jesus was an action man, a people person. he produced. he healed. he preached and taught. he walked among the people. but he also knew the necessity of rest and relaxation.

>> rest and recreation are not sins. rest time is repair time. it is not loss of productivity. it is time for renewing. it is receiving time. it helps release your potential.

>> jesus understood the balance of rest and work, which might be the reason he was able to accomplish so much in three and one-half years. life is demanding. people are demanding. in fact, the more you succeed, the more people will demand of you.

>>stop your frantic push for success. take time to taste the present. the fires of desire will always rage within you. you must dominate the rage and focus it. learn to rest. jesus did.

just to share my answers from our discussion:

how often do you actually schedule rest and relaxation time?

i take naps during FX travels . i guess that's rest.

what do you do to rest your mind at work? At home?

i rest my mind from work when i'm at home and i rest my mind from home when i'm at work

If you had one full day to yourself, what would you do?

i'll escape reality for a while. . . go to the beach or an island. sleep, enjoy the sun, enjoy the scene, read a good book, have a movie marathon and eat, eat, eat!

the last question was our favorite. . .we all went to dreamland..hehehe!

Yes, I Can Work In A Neat Area

2005-06-30T13:42:00.000+08:00

i'd like to share this picture because this might not happen again:

awhile ago, HR just needed to file pictures from each department in our respective areas, i was one of those people whose picture was taken last. for some they had to fix themselves...make-up, hair, etc...as for me ---> i just had to "clean" my work area first.okay, okay, i didn't "really clean" , i just put all the necessarry mess underneath the table.i'm quite proud it really looked clean and i'm sharing this pix to cherish the moment.

quizzes . . .

2005-06-29T13:24:00.000+08:00

i think results are quite true . . . .

Your Birthdate: September 16

Your birth on the 16th day of the month gives a sense of loneliness and generally the desire to work alone.

You are relatively inflexible, and insist on your being independent.

You need a good deal of time to rest and to meditate.

You are introspective and a little stubborn.

Because of this, it may not be easy for you to maintain permanent relationships, but you probably will as you are very much into home and family.

This birth day inclines to interests in the technical, the scientific, and to the religious or the unknown realm of spiritual explorations.

The date gives you a tendency to seek unusual approaches and makes your style seem a little different and unique to those around you.

Your intuition is aided by the day of your birth, but most of your actions are bedded in logic, responsibility, and the rational approach.

You may be emotional, but have a hard time expressing these emotions.

Because of this, there may be some difficulty in giving or receiving affection.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

The True You

You want your girlfriend or boyfriend to be more relaxed, calm, and composed.

With respect to money, you spend as little as possible.

You think good luck doesn't exist - reality is built on practicalities.

The hidden side of your personality tends to be satisfied to care for things with a minimal amount of effort.

You are tend to think about others' feelings a lot, perhaps because you are so eager to be liked.

When it comes to finding a romantic partner, you make opportunities to interact with many people through club activities or a hobby, then select someone you like.

Who's" the True You?

if ever i'll be featured in YOU

2005-06-21T17:27:00.000+08:00

it seems that more and more filipinos are getting fond of blogging. in one of my favorite sites, http://www.you.inq7.net , they feature bloggers there.so as to pretend, i'm one of the featured bloggers, i'd like to answer the questions they ask, here's what i'll probably say...

When and why did you start blogging and who got you hooked?

it actually started with an on-line journal called diaryland.it was around 2002 when on-line journals were featured in studio 23's digital tour. i tried having one for myself...i guess just like any other girl who was keeping a diary since grade school days, this was a more mature necessary approach to diarrying. for working girls like me, i think written journals are already pa-say. I get hooked for the love of words and self-expression. I actually do not promote my blogs in any way but when people find out about them, i welcome intruders to my not-so-private world.

What makes a blog better than a regular website? Did you try putting up your own site before you started blogging?

I never tried putting my own site before since i'm not so-html versed. Blogs are more user-friendly, i guess. I mean, you can change your templates any time you want and can easily just make another one if you want more.

Would you say that blogging is very addictive? How many people have you convinced to also start blogging?

Yes,it is very addicting whether if you're a blogger or just a blog-reader.I've come to know strangers and know more of people that I actually think I already know. I mean, reading entries and all somehow make me glance to their very soul.I really don't know if i have really ever convinced one soul to start blogging but i really hope i influenced one in some ways.

What blogging software do you use? What makes it better than other blogging services?
at the moment, i'm using http://www.blogger.com, it's so easy to use and very comprehensive. For people who' are not so-html versed like me, this is highly recommended.

What's your most memorable blogging experience?
I guess the hugs I get in my literature blog, i can't believe that there are actually people reading it. As I've told you awhile ago, I wasn't even promoting my sites...yeah, plural...I'm currently keeping two.I also get to meet fellow blog-enthusiasts.

I N D E P E N D E N C E

2005-06-16T08:14:00.000+08:00

it's so good to arrive in the office early, as i can sneak some time for blogging like what i am doing now.yesterday was a real drag with heavy traffic and i even had a difficult time getting a ride back home in the evening, i almost forgot to mention...it was also drizzling.i wasn't able to eat dinner as i had to go straight to our monthly SFC chapter assembly, besides, the free lunch from chin was really heavy(yes, at least one good thing happened yesterday).

our assembly last night was all about independence, freedom, kalayaan...of course themed after the recent independence day.we were asked to share our first taste of independence, how we handled it and for some people, how they actually aspired to have one.on a regular basis, i shout names of brothers and sisters who seldom share during assemblies. i on the other hand, is actually a regular sharer especially when i have a new job (yeah, that regular!..hehehe!) i was actually caught unprepared when i was volunteered to share last night(yes, the bitter taste of karma!) uh,uh,oh....it was actually difficult (in my recent post, i just mentioned how hard it is for me to share)as i'm used to sharing about blessings, pleasant surprises but never an experience.to cut everything short, i gave an overview on how i've had a little independence when i was young and how it prepared me to a necessary independent-living that i'm having now. i told them that the real taste of independence isn't so sweet after all. for those people who are still living with parents... cherish those moments, enjoy it while it lasts. there are actually people like me who are actually wishing to enjoy the same moments, the same worry-free living (as there will always be parents who'll support and provide for your needs). i know how some people want to have independence but God is not giving them to you yet, it may not even be part of His plans for you but God's plans are always perfect so we should accept it. i, on the other hand have learned to accept God's plans and will for me, at least, though i couldn't anymore buy expensive clothes, dine to fancy restaurants and pursue passion at least i know where my money is going...not to savings but to those who've given my life a new, deeper meaning...my sibblings especially my BOJ :)

Missing My Siblings

2005-06-08T09:07:00.000+08:00

prior to summer, i did intend to actually spend time as much as i can with my BOJ. unfortunately, due to work and community service, i wasn't able to to do so. last weekend, i sent them back to the province and it was again "holding-the-tears" moment for me...yeah, the toughie part of me wouldn't wanna show that i was actually regretting the times i should have spent with them, the times i even scolded them because of little matters that should have not bothered me at all but because i was damn tired, i had to release it, and the fact that i didn't have money to spend so we could have gone out of town or even give third a better, grander, more prepared birthday party. i wasn't even able to buy him a gift... i asked sorry coz the sudden transfer to another apartment is not something i've prepared for this summer thus some savings actually went to bill payments. truly, i feel blest that God gave them in my life...they can make me laugh, and at a very young age they can already understand what our family's going through. i hope i can make it up with them. i'm actually missing "pampaalis-pagod" hugs and kisses from 3-ann but i have to bear with the longingness i'm feeling.

while i was in the province, my grandparents talked to me... i almost cried. they're too good to be true. i figured, i'm actually mising parental figure and most of all parental concerns in my life. when my grandparents showed me how much they care for us, my tears rolled down...oh, my new glasses hid the tears so they weren't really obvious :) i'm so glad God allowed them to be still alive despite their old age.

Going To Cebu

2005-05-25T13:14:00.000+08:00

peeps,

i'll be flying for Cebu tomorrow for our Catalogue Launch. Please do pray for my safe trip.

What I'll miss:

a) SAGIP Creative Fest and Recognition Day ---> I kinda miss going to Jansennville,this will supposed to be my chance to see together, both past and present SAGIP kids that I used to handle and currently handling PLUS cutey #3 of RIZAL SAGIP...hehehe!

b) 3 days with my siblings ---> referring to my BOJ of course! Next weekend, I'll be sending them to Pangasinan already for the start of another school year that's why I'm trying to maximize my time with them . so, so sad. . . I always have this pre-longingness syndrome all the time :(

c) lower household ---> i'll be endorsing my members to ria, they'll be joining her household. never done this before but i can't afford that they won't have a household meeting for this week, i'm done with my upper household last night. at least before i leave, we were able to pray for my trip :)

i hope, i'll be able to go around the city . . the last time i was there, i was only there for four hours and it was raining sooo hard. more importantly, i hope that our launch will be successful.

i'm counting on your prayers.to my SFC community, i'll see you on sunday for the family day . . . i wasn't able to commit to serve because of this launch but i'll see what i can do to help during the event. i'll be back on saturday.

CONFESSIONS OF A CLOSET WORRIER

2005-05-23T09:45:00.001+08:00

I've tried boxing-in the little kid in me:

--> shy, moody, anti-social, good student, very opinionated, loner, dependent, worrier <--

I've managed to somehow master the skill of pretending to ignore things that seem to matter so much to other people. . .physical looks, getting good grades, commuting, finances, having a boyfriend and voila the new me was eventually born: YOUR ROYAL HIGHNESS OF COOLNESS! I don't want friends who've known me as always the opposite of the "old me" that I had to struggle just to get this so-called "happy-go-lucky" stature that I have now . . .my attempt however, to throw my "old me" box wasn't successful. . .let me, enumerate the reasons:

As I put all those attitudes in my "old me" box ready to be thrown, I figured that those traits are the ones that made me an artist.If any one would be asked to describe an artist, for sure, those traits are included. You might be wondering now where the hell those traits are. . .man, it's still within me. Often times, to initiate a conversation even a plain conversation at that, I had to be ready with topics on my mind, I had to at least know where to start . . .and I would often practice on my mind how am I gonna deliver it . . .and yes, brothers and sisters in Christ even a simple sharing still needs a little practice. . .secretly, silently on my mind. Yes, I'm still that shy, little girl. I was really an anti-social, when I was a kid (my ate was the "biba" and I was the timid, intellectual type. . .yeah, I managed to get good grades in grade school) .Until now, I still have that anti-social tendencies, I enjoy it better when I'm alone reading books, simply watching videos at home alone, or dreaming in my sleep. I never liked big crowds, it suffocates me but somehow I was able to create an attitude that I am a "party girl". I had my first taste of alcohol when I was 8 ('ey, I thought it was pineapple juice!), I started going to parties when I was 12 (not the children's party type, okay?), I started going to gimmicks when I was 14 (I was even provided with gimmick allowance!). . .man, my father was really supportive to all these activities that's why I was never tempted to abuse my early independence. Somehow, at an early age I already started practicing self-control so as not to displease my parents. I am a proud virgin, I never tried drugs (if my asthma medicines won't be counted), I never tried smoking cigarettes (yes, not even a puff!) but boy, I must admit that I enjoyed the taste of that "pineapple juice". . .hell, yeah, stopping to drink alcohol was another struggle for me (full details? nah, maybe in another entry, okay?) . . . going back, and let me just stress that I was already practicing self-control even in drinking . . . good thing , I was able to do it liberally at home with dad :)

In school, my circle of friends has always been small, someone whom I can just share lunch daily and another one to keep me company in case my constant companion would be absent was already enough. I was doing exceptionally well when I started going to school (Daily Vacation Bible Study and Sunday School included) and somehow, I was feeling the "pressure" to always get good grades. On 5th Grade, I stopped studying hard but continued my love for reading literature and concentrated on art exploration. I started listening to different kinds of music (from Beatles to Smokey Mountain), I tried painting (I couldn't draw though but I do love using the brush and experimenting on colors) and started writing journal entries . . . basically, I've learned to have fun alone. The inner critic in me though was something that I couldn't manage to remain hidden, I was commenting on every little detail, I would question the world, I wanted answers to all my questions and I started giving opinions even if not needed. People find that funny and I was gaining more friends. That started my so-called social life . . . and couldn't stop it. Having blessed with the coolest dad in the world, I was able to explore life, provided that when He said NO, I had to obey. That wasn't much of a problem since this seldom happens and somehow I could get through using my charm and persistence. Without really noticing it, the trace of the "old me" is nowhere to be found. No longer the shy, moody, anti-social kid that I was, I have become the life of the party. Blame it on my witty, funny, sometimes-hurtful comments. People can never describe me now as the intellectual type, I have transformed to a cool artist. Well, my being very opinionated remains intact, obviously. People will laugh if I say that I'm a loner and still dependent. For some of you who knows that I work terribly hard because of my financial obligations (read: bils, bills and bills!) and to support my BOJ (read: Bundle of Joy - - - 3-ann and 3rd), I might be the most independent person you know. . . living only with my siblings without helpers and supporting my siblings at that, but I got tiny, little secret I just need to share and stress - - - I PRAY, I PRAY AND PRAY HARD EACH AND EVERYDAY OF MY LIFE so that I can somehow manage to survive. I am still that old kid . . .and yes, the main reason why I wasn't able to successfully throw the "old me" box was - - -I am attributing what I am now to my "old me". That little kid in me is a constant reminder how I need God's great power above to surpass all my trials, overcome my weaknesses and insecurities and that I need not pretend that some important matters that matter so much to other people do not really matter to me because really, they don't now. . .cliche as it may sound, but God alone is already enough. . .I'm enjoying this simple life now, I still of course dream big . . .but no longer for myself alone (how about world peace, huh?), I still of course wonder if I'll ever get married and have my own children (and when will my little girl named Tala be born?), I still hope for the day that my family would be in a more normal stature . . .admittedly, I still worry too much but I thank God for all these worries because I have reasons to pray more :)

Another Confession: This was an attempt also to write a non-faith, non-Christ centered entry but I honestly couldn't help it. . . He's THE BLOOD running through my veins, keeping me alive :)

To Dance With My Father Again

2005-05-09T08:16:00.000+08:00

after so many months, i was able to visit my father's tomb again yesterday.it was mother's day but i always had good and fun memories with my father whenever this occassion arrives. it's been totally different now for almost six years. my last memory of him of mother's day before he died in 1999 is when we invited his siblings along with their families to celebrate the occassion together...i thought i could let go of my father's memories in time, but i don't know why i always associate things with his memories...i'm so attached and i'll forever be papa's girl. i'm not even sure if i've already recovered from his death...i know, i have to but i couldn't, i simply just can't.

here's one song that can summarize all the longing i feel now.i miss dancing with my father and most of all i miss seeing him dancing with mom...

To Dance With My Father Again
by Luther Vandross

Back when I was a child
before life removed all the innocence
my father would lift me high
and dance with my mother and me and then
spin me around till I fell asleep
then up the stairs he would carry me
and I knew for sure, I was loved

If I could get
another chance
another walk
another dance with him
I'd play a song that would never ever end
how I'd love my lord
to dance with my father again

when I and my mother would disagree
to get my way I would run from her to him
he'd make me laugh just to comfort me
then finally make me do just what my momma said
later that night when I was asleep
he left a dollar under my sheet
never dreamed that he would be gone from me

If I could steal one final glance,
one final step
one final dance with him
I'd play a song that would never ever end
cause I'd love,my lord, to dance with my father again

sometimes I'd listen outside her door
and hear my mother cry for him
I'd pray for her even more than me
I'd pray for her even more than me

I know I'm praying
for much too much
but could you send back
the only man she loved
I know you don't do it usually
but dear lord she's dyin
to dance with my father again

every night I fall asleep
and this is all I ever dream

SFC-Christian Life Program

2005-04-18T08:26:00.000+08:00

'ey peeps, you can still join. next week, we'll have Talk #2 :) ang saya, ang saya mag-SFC :)

let me talk about what's happening for the last couple of months...

2005-04-13T08:26:00.000+08:00

Internal Catalogue Launch...spent 5 whole days in Subic...whatta week! this happened around 3rd week of March.It was quite fun. This was the very first time I spent time with RS people outside office. I would normallycome out in my "aquarium" only during lunch time. the only time i get to really chat with them. This time around, it was different, I've quite bonded with them. ..got pictures...take a peek ;)

ROBBED....we've been robbed thrice in our present apartment so we're moving to a new one this month. sadly, we lost 3 cellular phones already and a watch which was my mom's christmas gift to me.

BUNDLE OF JOY...third and 3-ann are back to spend vacation here :) i now always look forward to going home each night.

let me just sing this ....may tatlong bear sa loob ng isang bahay. si papa bear, si mama bear, si baby bear. si papa bear ay malakas, si mama bear ay maganda, si baby bear ay napakaliksi.tingnan ny, tingnan nyo, ang saya nila...FULL HOUSE...my new source of happines :P

mother role

2005-03-07T18:20:00.000+08:00

i'll be doing mother role again and quite excited about it. i'm really looking forward to thursday because my older sister and i will be travelling to pangasinan. you see, my younger sister will be having her first communion and we'll be attending it. for unavoidable complicated reasons, my mom can't simply attend...my grandfather doesn't want her to...anyway, i just bought a real nice white dress (ouch, quite expensive though) for her and a pair of white shoes. i know she'll be so beautiful with that dress as she naturally is a real beauty...mana sa ate :)

since it's love month

2005-02-16T17:44:00.000+08:00

you read it right...i'm gonna be talking about love in this entry ---very unlikely of me, huh? these past few days, i've been encountering love in very unique ways

LOVE THY NEIGHBOR...as the great commandment states. last saturday, i attended a gk breakfast forum. just like any gk breakfast forum, it talked about how we can help the poor, the irony there, is that it was held in a very exclusive venue, the manila polo club...yes there's always "the" before "manila polo club". just like....hehehe never mind :) with us were our fellow gk volunteers and also with the audience were prominent businessmen and their invited guests. that's what i love about gk...poor and rich work together for a better country...you learn not to complain but at least be part of the solution of our country's problems.true enough as we have become witnesses in this great work of God...more and more people experience change in so many ways...GK does not only transform lives of its beneficiaries, it also transforms lives of individuals of gk volunteers and partners, it transforms corporate values, it gives you a sense of pride that you are a filipino, it gives no room to hopelessness, it simply makes you believe in miracles. i was so touched by the sharings of the three Concepcions (grandson-son-father). each of them experienced change because of GK and what's so nice about it is that, they are spreading this great work to their friends, families and employees.

PLATONIC LOVE, FICTIONAL ROMANTIC LOVE....my expertise, hehehe :) ask me about how i manage to keep everything platonic...how? i also don't know. my problem is i couldn't see men in a romantic way. as long as i'm not seeing any extra attention, any extra care, any verbal expression of romantic love . . . only friendship remains. yeah, i manage to have this lovey-thingy on those who are either married, public figures or friends of my friends who don't know me. . . i don't wanna entertain pressure on this side of life...hell yeah, i'm getting older but at the moment, i'm quite happy on how things are. . . i've been enjoying single life and my so-called fictional romantic lovelife. can i just add that i'm not affected by teasing in any way?but just lately i asked my friend to stop teasing me to those men that she thinks are quite good enough for me . . . simply because i realized one thing...somehow, it's affecting my so-called marketability. . .hehehe :) i don't wanna be romantically identified to anyone who in reality has nothing to do with me romantically. again, i'm stressing on "marketability".

LOVING GOD . . . ahem, ahem quite a familiar title to my sfc community, huh? yes, let me talk about clp's talk # 5. just last night, i attended a teaching of "Emmanuel" community at Greenbelt chapel. their speaker was bo sanchez and i manage to grasp useful points in his talk:

a) God wants us to love and praise in the best way how he created us. he made us human beings, and he wants us to be the best human being on earth then give him the best kind of love that a human being can give. let us not over-spiritualize things. yes, all of us have that tendency...i ,for one, is quite guilty on this. let us allow God to mold us with his terms, not on ours.

b) if we love God, let us not skip failures. satan is actually tempting us to skip hardships...if there's an easier way of doing things, we naturally give in. but that's not how God wants it to be. hardships and failures are part of life,it's part of God's plan so that we can grow. it is in our failures and hardships that we can fully see God because during these dark moments, we can feel that he is ever present.

HAPPY LOVE MONTH TO ALL ! >MWAH<

yeah, i missed home

2005-02-11T11:55:00.000+08:00

i have become a delinquent blogger. i just couldn't update my blog anymore the way i used to before :( yeah, quite busy...my so-called new career has been taking so much of my time. anyway, i have lots of stories to tell...hope i won't miss anything...i'll be relying on my unreliable memory....

SINGAPORE TRIP >>> i had a very relaxing trip. i was just in the hotel most of the time. i had a daily buffet breakfast ...yum, yum! nightly bubble bath....oooh..... and a whole day of meeting with fellow marketers of RS South Asia. since i'm the newest member of the team, the meeting was generally educational for me. i enjoyed talking to them...hell, i was extremely quiet ...can you believe that? of course, i had a hard time throwing jokes at them ! they were generally nice and funny...traits that are very common to all asians, i guess. Singapore is really clean, they have very disciplined people and above all....EVERYTHING'S JUST SO EXPENSIVE! so there, i wasn't able to bring pasalubong to friends.

i was able to reach home in the afternoon....i hate the filipino cab driver that i got from the airport. what can i do? no one can fetch me from there since everyone else in the family was so busy because of my grandparents' 6oth wedding anniversary celebration. anyway, when i was able to reach home, i learned that the robber entered our house when i was abroad and got my mobile phone and the watch that my mom gave me last christmas.at least no one was hurt....except my pocket...i had to buy a new cell phone again. this is the 3rd time that i lost my phone from a robber.and i still love the philippines, huh?

THE WEDDING ANNIVERSARY >>> hey, my grandparents celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary last january 29. can yopu believe that? how sweet, huh? a friend's brother led the ceremony of renewal of vows and of course my grandparents were so surprised with alll the preparations we did for them.during the program, my brother third and sister tri-ann rendered an acoustic performance,one grandchild per family gave tribute to our grandparents...aaaawww...really touching, i must say. being a papa's girl, i almost cried when i saw my aunt dancing with my grandfather. my father and i used to dance a lot, you know? i just envied my aunt for being 40 something and still dancing with her father and there i was, a 20 something girl seated with my friends because my father was no longer around...i miss him still, the celebration could have been more fun with him....my life could have been more fun if he's still around. he brought so much joy in my life...in our lives actually, for he has been the source of happiness of our family when he was still alive.well, i guess 5 years ago, our father up above told him that it's time that he experience joy himself for he has brought so much to everyone already.

we had coffee at starbucks after the celebration. we were with sfc friends and had chit-chat...geez i missed talking to filipinos, i missed starbucks...hell, yeah, i missed home :)

off to a marketing conference

2005-01-25T09:24:00.000+08:00

hi everyone....just wanna let you know that i'll be away starting january 26 (that's tomorrow) and will be back in the afternoon on the 29th. i'm flying to singapore for a marketing conference. i'll be meeting the RS marketing people of Singapore and Malaysia. it's gonna be my first trip abroad and i'm requesting for prayers from all of you for a safe trip. how i wish this wasn't so short-noticed 'coz i'm honestly going there with a very tight budget. don't expect pasalubong, okay? i'll try though :)