2 months !

it's exactly 2 months since i've posted last. . . blame it on my busy sched. how i miss blogging and i truly regret that i wasn't able to post some significant happenings recently (2 months is still recent right?). i'm currently on-leave from the office. my supposedly first two-days of vacation leave were spent in the hospital....life's been so stressfull, you know... and my asthma attacks became so frequent and there you go, right after my check-up, i was confined. i hated hearing all the "i told you so" from family and friends. i'm gonna be back to work tomorrow and yes, stressfull life will continue on. i'll be back to my workaholic self and puhleazze don't stop me, i still find "work" therapeutic (ironic, huh?)

'ey best wishes to ate jhett and kkk (kuya kokoy,hehehe!). they tied the knots last sunday.

our family pix :

with sfc (i think, gaining some weight right after that hospital rest ain't so bad after all) :

bora...

BORACAY !

i was able to visit boracay when we had our sales conference last week. i truly enjoyed it. i'm one of those lucky people who were able to visit the place during off-peak season. . . when the place is so serene with very few people in the island (at least fewer compared to summer!). pictures above were just photographs captured by my officemates during our island hopping. btw, i was able to kayak for teh first time during our amazing race teambuilding. i'll be posting more pictures soon. for now, just enjoy the view :)

c h a n g e s

"The only constant thing in this world is change"---I've been hearing this line numerous times when I was in high school. This was our directress' favorite line...believe me, like all other things that those nuns were telling us, this was one of those that I only remember due to repetition ... and later on became my constant reminder to cherish every moment and give importance to all things that I'm currently enjoying...BUT always make myself ready for whatever changes life's circumstances may bring.

It's been 10 years since I've graduated from high school and I just turned 27 last September 16. To enumerate worth-celebrating moments of my life…here are first moments that all happened when I was 26 years old:

1) I was able to ride a ferry boat
2) I was able to ride an airplane
3) I was able to ride LRT 2
4) I was able to reach far south of the Philippines (Cebu & Davao)
5) I was able to step on foreign countries (Singapore & Malaysia)
6) My siblings and I started renting an apartment (I really thought, we could never afford this at first...but God never fails to provide!)
7) I was able to hear my young siblings play the guitar
8) I was able to have my very 1st company health card (yeah, after soooo many jobs, I finally got the benefit)
9) I've started loving koreanovelas on local TV (blame it on my all-time favorite Korean film, My Sassy Girl)
10) I've started exploring MS excel. . . i'm not still proficient though but I could say I'm better now!
11) I teamled one SFC Christian Life Program
12) I've started handling SAGIP San Andres
13) I've given up badminton nights for other more important things (like household, work & health)
14) I was able to watch one major concert of Southborder and started loving them (read: they've been in the industry for more than a decade already and I just started liking them recently) . . .how I love "wherever you are"!

i really can't believe, I'm already 27.it seems i haven't done much in my life yet and there are still so many things to do. . .so many tasks yet to accomplish, so may dreams yet to realize. . .so many changes yet to happen. . .oh well, wisdom comes with age anyway so i might as well accept all these old-age jitters :)

TIMELINE

TWENTY YEARS AGO.
I was in kindergarden and encountered my very first conflict with a teacher.

FIFTEEN YEARS AGO.
1990. I was in 5th Grade and stopped studying soooo hard. I was so into reading Sweet Dreams pocketbooks and started to explore arts in various forms.

TEN YEARS AGO.
1995 .I've graduated from high school and was in deep depression because I was having a hard time looking for a school in college, and hell yeah, having a tough time also in making up my mind to choose what course to take. I was eventually led to an all-girl college school (where I've never imagined I'll be spending college) and took bachelor of fine arts major in advertising.


FIVE YEARS AGO.
2000. A year after my dearest father's death. I'm trying to move on with my life after experiencing all the first moments without him (christmas, birthday, holy week, summer).

I joined Singles for Christ and started exploring how wonderful life is with Christ. I also entered my second job in this year, which was in Canelle Food Corporation (Cinnabon Philippines) which opened the doors in my marketing career.


THREE YEARS AGO.
2002.Due to health reasons and personal values & principles, I left Canelle Food Corporation and hopped to an administrative work in Meralco Foundation. There, I've met equally opinionated peers (like me!). This job has a very lax environment and bored me to death. With God's intervention (who somehow successfully worked hard to kick me out of this workplace eventually), i left the company after four months.

How could I ever forget this year? This was the year when that supposedly someone who should tie us all together as one family left us.

LAST YEAR.
2004. I was on my second year of involvement in CFC-Singles For Christ's work with the poor program called Gawad Kalinga(GK). I handled the documentation team and volunteered as a teacher for a weekly educational program for elementary-aged kids called SAGIP. I was also able to realize how fortunate I am despite all my trials. By last quarter of this year, my GK service was moved to another site .

This year, Feather Alley's Tuesday Badminton Club (composed of East A's SFC members) was also born.

My siblings and I started renting an apartment due to unavaoidable circumstances. We were also handling financial obligations by ourselves including tuition fees of our 2 siblings (which we started doing in 2003).

On my 2nd year at Caspian Concepts, a management firm for fine-dining restaurants. I was a one-woman marketing team with additional tasks of handling the restaurants, convenience store and e-hub inside the 3 ships of SuperFerry. During the last quarter of this year, I was actively looking for a new job due to work-related stress which I couldn't anymore handle and additional financial obligations which my meager salary couldn't support.In December, I was able to find a new job at RS Components Limited.


THIS YEAR.
As of this writing, I'm on my 9th month as RS Components Limited's Marketing Officer. I'm feeling the never-before pressure in my previous jobs.I'm not quitting yet, that's for sure.

I was able to step on Singapore,Malaysia, Davao and Boracay (soon) for the first time because of work.

My service in SFC was sort of lessen because I'm now trying to squeeze everything in, if there's spare time.

NEXT YEAR.
2006.I'll continue with whatever I'm doing---FAMILY,WORK, SFC and squeeze in time for friends.I have no clue if there will ever be transition. . .For sure there will be. . .my life is full of those!

TEN YEARS FROM NOW.
2015. I love to see myself as a family woman by that time. . .BUT if it turns out otherwise, I hope to be at least financially stable. I mean, at least not anymore renting an apartment but rather paying my own house and lot where third and tri-ann will be staying. Maybe, mom will also be with me. I hope to be out of credit card debts.I may still be employed but I’ll have more time to my other interests specifically arts. I hope to have a deeper and more meaningful personal relationship with God.

No definite plans obviously, as you all know, I don't really set goals…I just go with the flow :)

tired but still thankful

'ey everyone! it feels good to be back. month of august was really something and paper works in the office piled up tremendously. i know, i sort of owe people stories about my trip but there's nothing really to tell...i was most of the time inside a conference room in guoman resort,port dickson. take a glimpse of the beautiful place


i've enjoyed the view actually since my room is fronting the poolview and beachview.i wasn't able to bathe in the pool though...schedule was really tight, darn. i kinda hoped we were just in a hotel in the city so i could have at least strolled around in the evening. anyway, during my first few nights, i stayed at sheraton hotel in subang. a new ODS guy in RS MY named Timothy (who was staying in the same hotel where i was) was kind enough to accompany me to my 1st dinner at Malaysia during my first night. since we're both technically new (me, being in a foreign country and he, being barely a week-old employee at RS), we ended up spending breakfast, dinner and going to RS MY office and going back to the hotel. Leslie, the Tech Support guy from RS Singapore also joined us for dinner the 2nd night (guess why? same reason---he was also staying at sheraton). the three of us after dinner strolled in a mall (forgot the name but it's quite big and not as crowded as the malls here in PH). This was after my whole-day training of PIVOTAL with Beehong. my activities mainly in Malaysia are to eat, travel, training, meetin,meeting & meeting! nothing more to tell, really.

few days after malaysia trip, i flew to davao for our catalogue launch there. the last in our list...whew!i chanced upon meeting an old pal, agot when i was in the airport...we chatted while waiting for our flight sched, she was heading to cagayan de oro,also for official business.

davao launch, i can say is the most successful among our launches (in terms of attendance and preparation). i was also able to sneak some time to buy items for my siblings and friends....processed durian, anyone? candies, pies, yema...i still have more at home. here's our pic in one of the bars in davao, taken after the launch

when i went back to the hotel, i had a very relaxing massage (just to pamper myself once in a while. i guess, i deserve this one after all the hardwork!)

i arrived in manila last saturday and in the tradition of attending aby's birthday on 27th august, i went. she introduced me to her new boyfriend, dacs. can't help but feel happy for my friend...as long as you're happy, aby...GO!

to end the week, i attended my niece's baptism and stood as her godmother. travel was quite far though, it was in cavite.can you just imagine how tired i was? and bad news was our fickle-minded president, announced that we have work the next day despite the celebration of national heroes day. i couldn't get it are those heroes only heroes to students and working in goverment offices?

huh, really tiring activities. 'til now i haven't recovered with the busy sched that i had recently because i am now starting to do tons of pending works due to the trips. anyway, i still praise God for all the new & exciting experiences lately :)

need your prayers

just got back from our subic catalogue launch. 1 more launch to go and we'll be done with the series of launches. praise god! the launch was quite successful despite the storm. i'm so glad we were able to reach the site safely despite unlighted street and storm during our trip going there.

btw, on monday, i'll be leaving for malaysia for my in-depth pivotal training and to attend our regional marketing conference. this is quite one scary trip for me for this will be the first time i'm leaving the country alone (my boss will follow two days after though) and it will also be my first time in the said country. thank god malaysian folks were kind enough to give me necessary instructions.

people, please pray for me and send me text messages (dapat tagalog!). i'll be back on saturday, 20th july.i'll truly miss you guys.

Not His Best Time Yet . . . (i can fully understand, why can't they?)

I've always enjoyed family gatherings when I was growing up. I love seeing cousins (and other family members) whom I've not been seeing for a long time since most of my aunts and uncles (mother's side) live far south. I used to love chatting with them, talking about school happenings (when I was in college, the so-called fight with my college professor was such a hit . . .hahaha ! I can't believe I made them even prouder! Crazy family? Tell me about it!) and not to forget ---videoke to sawa. Oh, how I hated saying goodbye to relatives when we had to call it a day.

Please refer to above paragraph. I consciously used past tense. It's not that I now hate family gatherings; I just don't anymore look forward to one and should I need to attend one, I'd rather speak with younger folks (0-15 year olds) and should there be any chance so I can escape, I grab it immediately. Just in case you wanna know the reason. . .I simply hate being asked when will I show up having a boyfriend or when will I be married or when will I have children of my own. I'm sick and tired of it. . .sooooo sick and tired ! ! ! No, I don't feel pressured at all because I know God will give that special someone to me in His best time. For now, I just have to do all the responsibilities that He has given me and enjoy all my blessings. Okay, I must admit that I feel a little pressured during family gatherings when all they talk about is raising their own children and the like. But geez, most of the time, I'm quite occupied to even think about it.

I know, I'm not getting any younger. I'm 26 and will be 27 next month which is quite a critical age and if I intend to have children, I have to start looking around for a partner (unfortunately, I can't have asexual reproduction or not even worthy to have Immaculate Conception). Come on, my time is quite tight that even hanging out with friends (referring to non-SFC) should be scheduled ahead of time. SFC friends, however, since they all live nearby, always give me surprise visits whenever they feel like dropping by . . .that is, if I'm at home or not busy doing household chores.

I hope that my relatives will realize that I'm still a lady needs to be pursued. Unlike men, I can't just court any one. I also understand three kinds of men within my circle: men that get intimidated of me, men that are afraid to have commitment with someone like me (referring to eccentricities and responsibilities tagged along with me) and men who do not like me romantically. Believe me, I don't even have a hint of who falls into those categories; all I know is that those are three reasons why I never had any romantic relationships since birth. I don't wanna sound like rationalizing my being single, I'm not even complaining to God about it. His best time is yet to come and I'm in no hurry (really!).

Personally, I'm okay--- hypocrisy aside. My stature may look so out of the norm but don't my ways and my life always have been? I hope people (especially my relatives from both sides) will understand that though they may think of me as a control-freak, there are just some things in life that are way beyond my control and I respect the plans of someone from above for me. I can't simply do things my way.

T R I P

i went on a trip last weekend with my sfc community. it was quite a journey...together, we've travelled down memory lane on how we've journeyed our lives. there were too many questions running on my mind. sure, during my so-called "ride", i've encountered humps, there were crossroads, for some time it was a smooth ride only to realize that i took the wrong direction and needed to make a u-turn...apparently, i've never seen myself driving...i always have a "driver" and i know he'll always be in control. at times, i could really be so stubborn on insisting to take roads i think are right..he'll do as i wish and join me in trudging the direction i want, only to realize that he's leading me to the path he always wants me to take.sorry, i couldn't really "step on the gas", i'm just a passenger enjoying this ride.

just to add : sectormates, despite the failures...i believe we remain victorious for the simple reason that we fought a good fight! aja aja...FIGHTING!
(yes, we also deserved that VICTORY LINER ride, hahaha!)

usapang busmates

"everyone's getting married and species like us (the so-called "nbsb-type") just became rare and suddenly just became not normal"- - -as what my highschool busmate, ces and i recently talked about during one unexpected fx ride together. before, when we heard of someone we know getting married or having a baby, it was like receiving the greatest shocks of our lives but now, we just can't help not to envy their luck. . .hahaha!

funny that back in high school, all of us were just plainly admiring the supposedly world's half-population or what other girls refer as "boys" . back then, even the not -so-good-looking boys can still be anybody's object of affection in an all-girls school like ours . . .hehehe! now that most of my high school busmates (oh please include more than half of my batchmates, schoolmates, friends and mere acquaintances) have husbands already or at least have potential ones, i suddenly felt that when the world rotated, that certain part of my life never rotated along with them. truly, a lot of things have changed in my life except for my status. as one of my busmates and sister in sfc, ria once concluded that since my grade school days was the only time i actually mingled and dealt with boys daily, i never outgrew the "girls vs. boys" stage. well, i couldn't agree more.

this is not to shout to the world about my singlehood and how i am actually enjoying (and SOMETIMES NOT, admittedly) such status. what i'd like to stress in this entry is that it still surprises me how time can change or unchange life, and how certain part of our lives remain unpredictable. sometimes, you just can't tell your future, not even by tracing back your past nor by the goals you've once set to achieve.

usapang busmates . . oh, how i miss shallow, uncomplicated conversations. i never thought that recalling such events would give me an almost 2-hour fun. 'til next ride!

rest and relaxation

monday night was cramming night for me. i arrived home late and i had to prepare for my scheduled lower household the day after. i was browsing through christian references that i have but to no avail, i just couldn't find anything. when my sister arrived from her household, i asked what their topic was so i could probably just copy. she said, it came from "in his steps". sometimes i also use this as reference but as i was browsing, i remember sunday's gospel taken from matthew 11:28-30 "come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and i will give you rest. take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for i am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. for my yoke is easy and my burden is light". convinced that god will take care of me for the next day's household, i took rest and read my longtime favorite juvenile book, "wrong-way romance" until i fell asleep.

tuesday morning came, i gathered my household materials as i was preparing myself for work and planned to just browse again through my references in the office and just decide there. while i was getting my "perfect partner", i saw a paper inserted in it, a topic that was just given to us by ate lydia but never really discussed since we basically just visited a sick sister last time. . . the topic was "Jesus Took Time To Rest". . .whoa, just perfect!

here are some good points to ponder from our topic last night:

>>"come ye yourselves apart into desert place and rest a while" (Mark 6:31)

>> jesus was an action man, a people person. he produced. he healed. he preached and taught. he walked among the people. but he also knew the necessity of rest and relaxation.

>> rest and recreation are not sins. rest time is repair time. it is not loss of productivity. it is time for renewing. it is receiving time. it helps release your potential.

>> jesus understood the balance of rest and work, which might be the reason he was able to accomplish so much in three and one-half years. life is demanding. people are demanding. in fact, the more you succeed, the more people will demand of you.

>>stop your frantic push for success. take time to taste the present. the fires of desire will always rage within you. you must dominate the rage and focus it. learn to rest. jesus did.

just to share my answers from our discussion:

how often do you actually schedule rest and relaxation time?

i take naps during FX travels . i guess that's rest.

what do you do to rest your mind at work? At home?

i rest my mind from work when i'm at home and i rest my mind from home when i'm at work

If you had one full day to yourself, what would you do?

i'll escape reality for a while. . . go to the beach or an island. sleep, enjoy the sun, enjoy the scene, read a good book, have a movie marathon and eat, eat, eat!

the last question was our favorite. . .we all went to dreamland..hehehe!

Yes, I Can Work In A Neat Area

i'd like to share this picture because this might not happen again:

awhile ago, HR just needed to file pictures from each department in our respective areas, i was one of those people whose picture was taken last. for some they had to fix themselves...make-up, hair, etc...as for me ---> i just had to "clean" my work area first.okay, okay, i didn't "really clean" , i just put all the necessarry mess underneath the table.i'm quite proud it really looked clean and i'm sharing this pix to cherish the moment.

quizzes . . .

i think results are quite true . . . .

Your Birthdate: September 16

Your birth on the 16th day of the month gives a sense of loneliness and generally the desire to work alone. You are relatively inflexible, and insist on your being independent. You need a good deal of time to rest and to meditate. You are introspective and a little stubborn. Because of this, it may not be easy for you to maintain permanent relationships, but you probably will as you are very much into home and family. This birth day inclines to interests in the technical, the scientific, and to the religious or the unknown realm of spiritual explorations. The date gives you a tendency to seek unusual approaches and makes your style seem a little different and unique to those around you. Your intuition is aided by the day of your birth, but most of your actions are bedded in logic, responsibility, and the rational approach. You may be emotional, but have a hard time expressing these emotions. Because of this, there may be some difficulty in giving or receiving affection.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

The True You

You want your girlfriend or boyfriend to be more relaxed, calm, and composed.

With respect to money, you spend as little as possible.

You think good luck doesn't exist - reality is built on practicalities.

The hidden side of your personality tends to be satisfied to care for things with a minimal amount of effort.

You are tend to think about others' feelings a lot, perhaps because you are so eager to be liked.

When it comes to finding a romantic partner, you make opportunities to interact with many people through club activities or a hobby, then select someone you like.

Who's" the True You?

if ever i'll be featured in YOU

it seems that more and more filipinos are getting fond of blogging. in one of my favorite sites, http://www.you.inq7.net , they feature bloggers there.so as to pretend, i'm one of the featured bloggers, i'd like to answer the questions they ask, here's what i'll probably say...

When and why did you start blogging and who got you hooked?

it actually started with an on-line journal called diaryland.it was around 2002 when on-line journals were featured in studio 23's digital tour. i tried having one for myself...i guess just like any other girl who was keeping a diary since grade school days, this was a more mature necessary approach to diarrying. for working girls like me, i think written journals are already pa-say. I get hooked for the love of words and self-expression. I actually do not promote my blogs in any way but when people find out about them, i welcome intruders to my not-so-private world.

What makes a blog better than a regular website? Did you try putting up your own site before you started blogging?

I never tried putting my own site before since i'm not so-html versed. Blogs are more user-friendly, i guess. I mean, you can change your templates any time you want and can easily just make another one if you want more.

Would you say that blogging is very addictive? How many people have you convinced to also start blogging?

Yes,it is very addicting whether if you're a blogger or just a blog-reader.I've come to know strangers and know more of people that I actually think I already know. I mean, reading entries and all somehow make me glance to their very soul.I really don't know if i have really ever convinced one soul to start blogging but i really hope i influenced one in some ways.

What blogging software do you use? What makes it better than other blogging services?
at the moment, i'm using http://www.blogger.com, it's so easy to use and very comprehensive. For people who' are not so-html versed like me, this is highly recommended.

What's your most memorable blogging experience?
I guess the hugs I get in my literature blog, i can't believe that there are actually people reading it. As I've told you awhile ago, I wasn't even promoting my sites...yeah, plural...I'm currently keeping two.I also get to meet fellow blog-enthusiasts.

I N D E P E N D E N C E

it's so good to arrive in the office early, as i can sneak some time for blogging like what i am doing now.yesterday was a real drag with heavy traffic and i even had a difficult time getting a ride back home in the evening, i almost forgot to mention...it was also drizzling.i wasn't able to eat dinner as i had to go straight to our monthly SFC chapter assembly, besides, the free lunch from chin was really heavy(yes, at least one good thing happened yesterday).

our assembly last night was all about independence, freedom, kalayaan...of course themed after the recent independence day.we were asked to share our first taste of independence, how we handled it and for some people, how they actually aspired to have one.on a regular basis, i shout names of brothers and sisters who seldom share during assemblies. i on the other hand, is actually a regular sharer especially when i have a new job (yeah, that regular!..hehehe!) i was actually caught unprepared when i was volunteered to share last night(yes, the bitter taste of karma!) uh,uh,oh....it was actually difficult (in my recent post, i just mentioned how hard it is for me to share)as i'm used to sharing about blessings, pleasant surprises but never an experience.to cut everything short, i gave an overview on how i've had a little independence when i was young and how it prepared me to a necessary independent-living that i'm having now. i told them that the real taste of independence isn't so sweet after all. for those people who are still living with parents... cherish those moments, enjoy it while it lasts. there are actually people like me who are actually wishing to enjoy the same moments, the same worry-free living (as there will always be parents who'll support and provide for your needs). i know how some people want to have independence but God is not giving them to you yet, it may not even be part of His plans for you but God's plans are always perfect so we should accept it. i, on the other hand have learned to accept God's plans and will for me, at least, though i couldn't anymore buy expensive clothes, dine to fancy restaurants and pursue passion at least i know where my money is going...not to savings but to those who've given my life a new, deeper meaning...my sibblings especially my BOJ :)

Missing My Siblings

prior to summer, i did intend to actually spend time as much as i can with my BOJ. unfortunately, due to work and community service, i wasn't able to to do so. last weekend, i sent them back to the province and it was again "holding-the-tears" moment for me...yeah, the toughie part of me wouldn't wanna show that i was actually regretting the times i should have spent with them, the times i even scolded them because of little matters that should have not bothered me at all but because i was damn tired, i had to release it, and the fact that i didn't have money to spend so we could have gone out of town or even give third a better, grander, more prepared birthday party. i wasn't even able to buy him a gift... i asked sorry coz the sudden transfer to another apartment is not something i've prepared for this summer thus some savings actually went to bill payments. truly, i feel blest that God gave them in my life...they can make me laugh, and at a very young age they can already understand what our family's going through. i hope i can make it up with them. i'm actually missing "pampaalis-pagod" hugs and kisses from 3-ann but i have to bear with the longingness i'm feeling.

while i was in the province, my grandparents talked to me... i almost cried. they're too good to be true. i figured, i'm actually mising parental figure and most of all parental concerns in my life. when my grandparents showed me how much they care for us, my tears rolled down...oh, my new glasses hid the tears so they weren't really obvious :) i'm so glad God allowed them to be still alive despite their old age.

Going To Cebu

peeps,

i'll be flying for Cebu tomorrow for our Catalogue Launch. Please do pray for my safe trip.

What I'll miss:

a) SAGIP Creative Fest and Recognition Day ---> I kinda miss going to Jansennville,this will supposed to be my chance to see together, both past and present SAGIP kids that I used to handle and currently handling PLUS cutey #3 of RIZAL SAGIP...hehehe!

b) 3 days with my siblings ---> referring to my BOJ of course! Next weekend, I'll be sending them to Pangasinan already for the start of another school year that's why I'm trying to maximize my time with them . so, so sad. . . I always have this pre-longingness syndrome all the time :(

c) lower household ---> i'll be endorsing my members to ria, they'll be joining her household. never done this before but i can't afford that they won't have a household meeting for this week, i'm done with my upper household last night. at least before i leave, we were able to pray for my trip :)

i hope, i'll be able to go around the city . . the last time i was there, i was only there for four hours and it was raining sooo hard. more importantly, i hope that our launch will be successful.

i'm counting on your prayers.to my SFC community, i'll see you on sunday for the family day . . . i wasn't able to commit to serve because of this launch but i'll see what i can do to help during the event. i'll be back on saturday.

CONFESSIONS OF A CLOSET WORRIER

I've tried boxing-in the little kid in me:

--> shy, moody, anti-social, good student, very opinionated, loner, dependent, worrier <--

I've managed to somehow master the skill of pretending to ignore things that seem to matter so much to other people. . .physical looks, getting good grades, commuting, finances, having a boyfriend and voila the new me was eventually born: YOUR ROYAL HIGHNESS OF COOLNESS! I don't want friends who've known me as always the opposite of the "old me" that I had to struggle just to get this so-called "happy-go-lucky" stature that I have now . . .my attempt however, to throw my "old me" box wasn't successful. . .let me, enumerate the reasons:

As I put all those attitudes in my "old me" box ready to be thrown, I figured that those traits are the ones that made me an artist.If any one would be asked to describe an artist, for sure, those traits are included. You might be wondering now where the hell those traits are. . .man, it's still within me. Often times, to initiate a conversation even a plain conversation at that, I had to be ready with topics on my mind, I had to at least know where to start . . .and I would often practice on my mind how am I gonna deliver it . . .and yes, brothers and sisters in Christ even a simple sharing still needs a little practice. . .secretly, silently on my mind. Yes, I'm still that shy, little girl. I was really an anti-social, when I was a kid (my ate was the "biba" and I was the timid, intellectual type. . .yeah, I managed to get good grades in grade school) .Until now, I still have that anti-social tendencies, I enjoy it better when I'm alone reading books, simply watching videos at home alone, or dreaming in my sleep. I never liked big crowds, it suffocates me but somehow I was able to create an attitude that I am a "party girl". I had my first taste of alcohol when I was 8 ('ey, I thought it was pineapple juice!), I started going to parties when I was 12 (not the children's party type, okay?), I started going to gimmicks when I was 14 (I was even provided with gimmick allowance!). . .man, my father was really supportive to all these activities that's why I was never tempted to abuse my early independence. Somehow, at an early age I already started practicing self-control so as not to displease my parents. I am a proud virgin, I never tried drugs (if my asthma medicines won't be counted), I never tried smoking cigarettes (yes, not even a puff!) but boy, I must admit that I enjoyed the taste of that "pineapple juice". . .hell, yeah, stopping to drink alcohol was another struggle for me (full details? nah, maybe in another entry, okay?) . . . going back, and let me just stress that I was already practicing self-control even in drinking . . . good thing , I was able to do it liberally at home with dad :)

In school, my circle of friends has always been small, someone whom I can just share lunch daily and another one to keep me company in case my constant companion would be absent was already enough. I was doing exceptionally well when I started going to school (Daily Vacation Bible Study and Sunday School included) and somehow, I was feeling the "pressure" to always get good grades. On 5th Grade, I stopped studying hard but continued my love for reading literature and concentrated on art exploration. I started listening to different kinds of music (from Beatles to Smokey Mountain), I tried painting (I couldn't draw though but I do love using the brush and experimenting on colors) and started writing journal entries . . . basically, I've learned to have fun alone. The inner critic in me though was something that I couldn't manage to remain hidden, I was commenting on every little detail, I would question the world, I wanted answers to all my questions and I started giving opinions even if not needed. People find that funny and I was gaining more friends. That started my so-called social life . . . and couldn't stop it. Having blessed with the coolest dad in the world, I was able to explore life, provided that when He said NO, I had to obey. That wasn't much of a problem since this seldom happens and somehow I could get through using my charm and persistence. Without really noticing it, the trace of the "old me" is nowhere to be found. No longer the shy, moody, anti-social kid that I was, I have become the life of the party. Blame it on my witty, funny, sometimes-hurtful comments. People can never describe me now as the intellectual type, I have transformed to a cool artist. Well, my being very opinionated remains intact, obviously. People will laugh if I say that I'm a loner and still dependent. For some of you who knows that I work terribly hard because of my financial obligations (read: bils, bills and bills!) and to support my BOJ (read: Bundle of Joy - - - 3-ann and 3rd), I might be the most independent person you know. . . living only with my siblings without helpers and supporting my siblings at that, but I got tiny, little secret I just need to share and stress - - - I PRAY, I PRAY AND PRAY HARD EACH AND EVERYDAY OF MY LIFE so that I can somehow manage to survive. I am still that old kid . . .and yes, the main reason why I wasn't able to successfully throw the "old me" box was - - -I am attributing what I am now to my "old me". That little kid in me is a constant reminder how I need God's great power above to surpass all my trials, overcome my weaknesses and insecurities and that I need not pretend that some important matters that matter so much to other people do not really matter to me because really, they don't now. . .cliche as it may sound, but God alone is already enough. . .I'm enjoying this simple life now, I still of course dream big . . .but no longer for myself alone (how about world peace, huh?), I still of course wonder if I'll ever get married and have my own children (and when will my little girl named Tala be born?), I still hope for the day that my family would be in a more normal stature . . .admittedly, I still worry too much but I thank God for all these worries because I have reasons to pray more :)

Another Confession: This was an attempt also to write a non-faith, non-Christ centered entry but I honestly couldn't help it. . . He's THE BLOOD running through my veins, keeping me alive :)

To Dance With My Father Again

after so many months, i was able to visit my father's tomb again yesterday.it was mother's day but i always had good and fun memories with my father whenever this occassion arrives. it's been totally different now for almost six years. my last memory of him of mother's day before he died in 1999 is when we invited his siblings along with their families to celebrate the occassion together...i thought i could let go of my father's memories in time, but i don't know why i always associate things with his memories...i'm so attached and i'll forever be papa's girl. i'm not even sure if i've already recovered from his death...i know, i have to but i couldn't, i simply just can't.

here's one song that can summarize all the longing i feel now.i miss dancing with my father and most of all i miss seeing him dancing with mom...

To Dance With My Father Again
by Luther Vandross

Back when I was a child
before life removed all the innocence
my father would lift me high
and dance with my mother and me and then
spin me around till I fell asleep
then up the stairs he would carry me
and I knew for sure, I was loved

If I could get
another chance
another walk
another dance with him
I'd play a song that would never ever end
how I'd love my lord
to dance with my father again

when I and my mother would disagree
to get my way I would run from her to him
he'd make me laugh just to comfort me
then finally make me do just what my momma said
later that night when I was asleep
he left a dollar under my sheet
never dreamed that he would be gone from me

If I could steal one final glance,
one final step
one final dance with him
I'd play a song that would never ever end
cause I'd love,my lord, to dance with my father again

sometimes I'd listen outside her door
and hear my mother cry for him
I'd pray for her even more than me
I'd pray for her even more than me

I know I'm praying
for much too much
but could you send back
the only man she loved
I know you don't do it usually
but dear lord she's dyin
to dance with my father again

every night I fall asleep
and this is all I ever dream

SFC-Christian Life Program

'ey peeps, you can still join. next week, we'll have Talk #2 :) ang saya, ang saya mag-SFC :)

let me talk about what's happening for the last couple of months...

Internal Catalogue Launch...spent 5 whole days in Subic...whatta week! this happened around 3rd week of March.It was quite fun. This was the very first time I spent time with RS people outside office. I would normallycome out in my "aquarium" only during lunch time. the only time i get to really chat with them. This time around, it was different, I've quite bonded with them. ..got pictures...take a peek ;)

ROBBED....we've been robbed thrice in our present apartment so we're moving to a new one this month. sadly, we lost 3 cellular phones already and a watch which was my mom's christmas gift to me.

BUNDLE OF JOY...third and 3-ann are back to spend vacation here :) i now always look forward to going home each night.

let me just sing this ....may tatlong bear sa loob ng isang bahay. si papa bear, si mama bear, si baby bear. si papa bear ay malakas, si mama bear ay maganda, si baby bear ay napakaliksi.tingnan ny, tingnan nyo, ang saya nila...FULL HOUSE...my new source of happines :P

mother role

i'll be doing mother role again and quite excited about it. i'm really looking forward to thursday because my older sister and i will be travelling to pangasinan. you see, my younger sister will be having her first communion and we'll be attending it. for unavoidable complicated reasons, my mom can't simply attend...my grandfather doesn't want her to...anyway, i just bought a real nice white dress (ouch, quite expensive though) for her and a pair of white shoes. i know she'll be so beautiful with that dress as she naturally is a real beauty...mana sa ate :)

since it's love month

you read it right...i'm gonna be talking about love in this entry ---very unlikely of me, huh? these past few days, i've been encountering love in very unique ways


LOVE THY NEIGHBOR...as the great commandment states. last saturday, i attended a gk breakfast forum. just like any gk breakfast forum, it talked about how we can help the poor, the irony there, is that it was held in a very exclusive venue, the manila polo club...yes there's always "the" before "manila polo club". just like....hehehe never mind :) with us were our fellow gk volunteers and also with the audience were prominent businessmen and their invited guests. that's what i love about gk...poor and rich work together for a better country...you learn not to complain but at least be part of the solution of our country's problems.true enough as we have become witnesses in this great work of God...more and more people experience change in so many ways...GK does not only transform lives of its beneficiaries, it also transforms lives of individuals of gk volunteers and partners, it transforms corporate values, it gives you a sense of pride that you are a filipino, it gives no room to hopelessness, it simply makes you believe in miracles. i was so touched by the sharings of the three Concepcions (grandson-son-father). each of them experienced change because of GK and what's so nice about it is that, they are spreading this great work to their friends, families and employees.

PLATONIC LOVE, FICTIONAL ROMANTIC LOVE....my expertise, hehehe :) ask me about how i manage to keep everything platonic...how? i also don't know. my problem is i couldn't see men in a romantic way. as long as i'm not seeing any extra attention, any extra care, any verbal expression of romantic love . . . only friendship remains. yeah, i manage to have this lovey-thingy on those who are either married, public figures or friends of my friends who don't know me. . . i don't wanna entertain pressure on this side of life...hell yeah, i'm getting older but at the moment, i'm quite happy on how things are. . . i've been enjoying single life and my so-called fictional romantic lovelife. can i just add that i'm not affected by teasing in any way?but just lately i asked my friend to stop teasing me to those men that she thinks are quite good enough for me . . . simply because i realized one thing...somehow, it's affecting my so-called marketability. . .hehehe :) i don't wanna be romantically identified to anyone who in reality has nothing to do with me romantically. again, i'm stressing on "marketability".

LOVING GOD . . . ahem, ahem quite a familiar title to my sfc community, huh? yes, let me talk about clp's talk # 5. just last night, i attended a teaching of "Emmanuel" community at Greenbelt chapel. their speaker was bo sanchez and i manage to grasp useful points in his talk:

a) God wants us to love and praise in the best way how he created us. he made us human beings, and he wants us to be the best human being on earth then give him the best kind of love that a human being can give. let us not over-spiritualize things. yes, all of us have that tendency...i ,for one, is quite guilty on this. let us allow God to mold us with his terms, not on ours.

b) if we love God, let us not skip failures. satan is actually tempting us to skip hardships...if there's an easier way of doing things, we naturally give in. but that's not how God wants it to be. hardships and failures are part of life,it's part of God's plan so that we can grow. it is in our failures and hardships that we can fully see God because during these dark moments, we can feel that he is ever present.

HAPPY LOVE MONTH TO ALL ! >MWAH<

yeah, i missed home

i have become a delinquent blogger. i just couldn't update my blog anymore the way i used to before :( yeah, quite busy...my so-called new career has been taking so much of my time. anyway, i have lots of stories to tell...hope i won't miss anything...i'll be relying on my unreliable memory....

SINGAPORE TRIP >>> i had a very relaxing trip. i was just in the hotel most of the time. i had a daily buffet breakfast ...yum, yum! nightly bubble bath....oooh..... and a whole day of meeting with fellow marketers of RS South Asia. since i'm the newest member of the team, the meeting was generally educational for me. i enjoyed talking to them...hell, i was extremely quiet ...can you believe that? of course, i had a hard time throwing jokes at them ! they were generally nice and funny...traits that are very common to all asians, i guess. Singapore is really clean, they have very disciplined people and above all....EVERYTHING'S JUST SO EXPENSIVE! so there, i wasn't able to bring pasalubong to friends.

i was able to reach home in the afternoon....i hate the filipino cab driver that i got from the airport. what can i do? no one can fetch me from there since everyone else in the family was so busy because of my grandparents' 6oth wedding anniversary celebration. anyway, when i was able to reach home, i learned that the robber entered our house when i was abroad and got my mobile phone and the watch that my mom gave me last christmas.at least no one was hurt....except my pocket...i had to buy a new cell phone again. this is the 3rd time that i lost my phone from a robber.and i still love the philippines, huh?

THE WEDDING ANNIVERSARY >>> hey, my grandparents celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary last january 29. can yopu believe that? how sweet, huh? a friend's brother led the ceremony of renewal of vows and of course my grandparents were so surprised with alll the preparations we did for them.during the program, my brother third and sister tri-ann rendered an acoustic performance,one grandchild per family gave tribute to our grandparents...aaaawww...really touching, i must say. being a papa's girl, i almost cried when i saw my aunt dancing with my grandfather. my father and i used to dance a lot, you know? i just envied my aunt for being 40 something and still dancing with her father and there i was, a 20 something girl seated with my friends because my father was no longer around...i miss him still, the celebration could have been more fun with him....my life could have been more fun if he's still around. he brought so much joy in my life...in our lives actually, for he has been the source of happiness of our family when he was still alive.well, i guess 5 years ago, our father up above told him that it's time that he experience joy himself for he has brought so much to everyone already.

we had coffee at starbucks after the celebration. we were with sfc friends and had chit-chat...geez i missed talking to filipinos, i missed starbucks...hell, yeah, i missed home :)

off to a marketing conference

hi everyone....just wanna let you know that i'll be away starting january 26 (that's tomorrow) and will be back in the afternoon on the 29th. i'm flying to singapore for a marketing conference. i'll be meeting the RS marketing people of Singapore and Malaysia. it's gonna be my first trip abroad and i'm requesting for prayers from all of you for a safe trip. how i wish this wasn't so short-noticed 'coz i'm honestly going there with a very tight budget. don't expect pasalubong, okay? i'll try though :)

my sassy girl

wanna die? ? ?

that's one really funny scene from a korean movie, my sassy girl...it's one of my favorite films. it's not shallow, it's not too dramatic, it's intellectually funny, it's one film that you have to have your eyes glued on screen....oh well, because if you're not korean-speaking, you gotta read the sub-title...hehehe. i always watch this whenever i feel down, whenever my SFC sisters want to have fellowship by doing movie marathon at home or whenever i need to have a stress reliever.one more thing, i don't know why i can really relate to this film....hell, of course i know....i'm a sassy girl myself...movie rating: constellation of stars :)

pictures galore

i recently uploaded this picture as my primary photo in friendster. i obviously love making faces, don't i? unlike others, i don't wanna look pretty on cam...i hate well-practiced smiles and poses...no further explanations.

events during the holidays

the holidays are over :( so sad. 3-annn and 3rd was able to spend christmas and new year with us and i'm starting to miss them. my bundle of joy is what i call them.3-ann has additional songs in her list that she can sing...officially missing you, torete, let me the one and she even surprised me when she showed me that she can now play the guitar...last summer, she was just playing with some chords but now she can play a full-length song..."noypi"!3rd on the other hand, already became a guitar expert...haay.... some of the things that make me proud i'm their sister.

over the holidays, i was able to complete the "simbang gabi" with my sfc sisters. i also attended family reunion and so glad to see my relatives once again.

at the moment, i'm trying to learn everything here in my new job..believe me, this is far from the 4 other jobs i had in the past.i'm experiencing information-overload and i feel dizzy every time i see graphs and numbers...i always think of myself as creative not logical.geez, it's like having nose-bleed all the time.i've been going home really late and missing all the things i used to enjoy like watching extra challenge and mulawin, cooking dinner for my siblings and most of all...BADMINTON! i hope this won't be forever...i even had to move my usual wednesday night household meetings to sunday.

btw, i might have my first trip abroad this month. hopefully, if i can avail my passport by next week, i'll be able to join my boss at singapore for a marketing conference. it's also okay if i won't be able to join him because on the 29th, i need to attend the 60th wedding anniversary of my grandparents :) cool! if singapore won't push thru...i know there will still be other business trips coming.

in addition, my sister just got engaged....i'll be her very beautiful maid of honor in december :)