i continue to be

this year, i have realized one thing...people can just be so rude even if you have not done any harm to them. i have started the year with sorrow and i was hoping to end it joyfully. 2009 involved a lot of crying for me. God has once again strengthened my being, my personality & most of all my faith. i'm looking forward to a better year on 2010. i'm just encapping everything this month then i'll be done. as i was doing this, i was hoping that the person who caused my recent pain would respect my time of healing...i was wrong. nevertheless, i was able to move on.i'm done feeling sorry for myself ...what for? in my understanding, i should feel sorry to those people whose lives remain to be a vicious cycle. as for myself, i have never done anything that would cause anyone too much pain & i tried to be the best that i can be in all the roles that God asked me to portray. with that, i have no regrets...i have sinned as usual and sometimes felt that i'm not worthy to be called His child but God has been so reassuring that He loves me no matter what. His love remains to be the only constant thing in my chaotic world. God sent me a lot of people to show me how much I am loved....i have deeply appreciated the presence of friends and family during those times of trials.

i know for a fact that i still have unclear vision of God's plans for me...all I know is that He'll never leave me, He never did.

Prayer for Patience

Lord, teach me to be patient - with life, with people,and with myself. I sometimes try to hurry things along too much, and I push for answers before the time is right.

Teach me to trust Your sense of timing rather than my own and to surrender my will to Your greater and wiser plan.

Help me let life unfold slowly, like the small rosebud whose petals unravel bit by bit, and remind me that in hurrying the bloom along, I destroy the bud and much of the beauty therein. Instead, let me wait for all to unfold in its own time. Each moment and state of growth contains a loveliness.

Teach me to slow down enough to appreciate life and all it holds. Amen

Ikaw Mismo!

Are you going to finish strong?

this video has blessed my day, i hope it will bless yours too!

Be proud to be Pinoy

"JM was randomly approached by a stranger at the train yesterday who complains about the Philippines' hopelessness and responded like, "You better read up more about my country's current improvements and our history to understand our plight & if you have a valid statement." Pinoys in foreign lands, it may be tough but I guess we have a responsibility to stand up against people like this everyday" posted last Monday.

when i saw this on JM's facebook's status message, I knew there's more meat to it so i asked....

jeng: ano yung nag-approach sa yo? alam pinoy ka?
JM Junio: ang una nga eh...
JM Junio: you look chinese but you speak filipino
JM Junio: na pagupo ko tinititigan muna ko
jeng: hehe tpos nung nalamang pinoy ka, mega-litanya?
JM Junio: oo noh
jeng: ano nationality nya?
JM Junio: tapos sinasabi ko you have to understand that we were colonized for centuries and this is part of our adjustment period
JM Junio: chinese
JM Junio: tapos sabi nya, wala daw connection yun bakit naman daw singapore, hong kong maayos kahit nacolonize
jeng: eh ilang taon lang naman?
jeng: tyo 333 years---spaniards lang yan
JM Junio: eh sabi ko "kasi magandang model of governance ang pinakita ng british, eh tingnan mo nga ang spain, mahirap na
JM Junio: sabi ko pa, tingnan mo din ang nangyari sa mga latin american countries mahirap din
JM Junio: tapos bigla nyang sinabi, but you shouldn't live bec of the past
JM Junio: sabi ko, "that's part of our identity and you can't hide that where we are is a great effect of our colonization"
JM Junio: tapos sabi nya, bakit daw walang improvement sa pilipinas
JM Junio: sabi ko, "if you're reading enough, you will find out that this is the time when our GDP growth is the highest"
JM Junio: matanda na yan
jeng: haha...oo nga baseless personal opinion...bati naman kayo pagkatpos?
JM Junio: eh pababa na sya, so nagmadali sabi "i know phils is a nice country, been there so many times and it will improve" sinabi nya kasi nagmamadali na sya
JM Junio: ineexpect nya na ilalaglag ko pilipinas
jeng: so proud of you! this is worth blogging
JM Junio: oo nga
jeng: ipo-post ko muna
JM Junio: mapapaupdate tuloy ako ng blog ko
JM Junio: at parang naging mababa pa ko na hindi ako chinese
JM Junio: sinabi ko na lang na "like most filipinos, i have chinese blood"

i think JM's last statement was funny...how could he even speak lowly of Filipinos?there's Chinese blood running in our veins!

whenever I go to other countries , i have numerously been mistaken to be a citizen of other countries and not Filipina. At first this surprised me a lot having brown skin and all...but yeah, I do look like Malaysian and Indonesian (sadly even a fellow kababayan mistaken me to be Indonesian) as well but whenever asked, I proudly say that I am Pinay...and proud!

How proudly Pinoy are you?

Ending a day of negativity

someone reminded me to put negative thoughts behind yesterday, so as i was putting myself to sleep last night, i listed and shared my happy thoughts for the day:

a) God reminded me early this morning that it is better to love than to be right
b) today's work has been pleasant, productive and surprisingly, circumstances were on my side. my stars must have aligned really early
c) pressing statements came out but i was forgiven
d) God reminded me again that i am loved...so thankful that no one insisted to be right...i was not the only one who chose to love
e) night ended sweetly

find your heart's missing piece . . .

MY ONE TRUE LOVE by Dolly Macam, SFC South B5A

reposting this entry from SFC website.

haay, i wish i was the one who wrote this, hehe...it's just sooo beautifully written.highlighted are the ones that struck me personally...read on and hope this sharing will bless you the way it did to me..

I am being pursued by God since the day He brought me to this world. He gave me a set of parents who would give me the greatest gift of all: my faith. Having introduced me to prayer at an early age, I was able to seek God on my own and that beautiful beginning set me on a personal journey to a deeper relationship with Him.

I encountered God in various ways at different stages in my life. Sometimes He is Healer, Teacher, Brother, Redeemer, Provider, Consoler, Protector, Personal Savior and Friend. I first came to know Him by the Name of Jesus.

Jesus is the One who died for me. He is the Savior of Mankind and God`s Only Begotten Son. Jesus Christ is my Master and I am His disciple. Jesus is the one I call when I am afraid. He is the one I beg for help when I am in need. It is in His name that I ask all things from the Lord. And His name is the most powerful weapon here on earth.

Later, I would call on Him to come as the Holy Spirit. He is my inspiration. He tells me how to communicate with God. He guides me and animates my soul through His various gifts. He fills me and gives me grace to do good things and to overcome temptations.Surprisingly, the very last Name for me to call upon Him was Father. But when I did, He became Father to me in the truest sense of the word. He is the Father who lets me sleep all morning. I may have missed the sunrise but He will make sure I saw the bright moon and the stars. He is the Father who provides for my family and makes sure everyone is safe and healthy. He is the Father who gives me money to spend for my needs but reminds me to give Him what is His. He is the Father who disciplines me but at the same time shows me forgiveness, mercy & love. He is the Father who listens to my woes of love and soothes my hurts. And He is the same Father I can just be the silly me with and who will never laugh or yawn at the mundane, trivial, crazy details I tell Him about my life.

Perhaps, God has finally caught up in His pursuit of me and my being able to call Him Father and seek Him with all my heart was how I know our relationship has reached an entirely new level.

When I sought God, He did not disappoint me. He immediately made Himself known. He allowed Himself to be found, like He promised me in Jeremiah. I found a hunger for Him that could never quite be satisfied. He gave me a new appreciation for His Word. He speaks to me most clearly when I pray the Bible. He allows His living Spirit to fill me and enable me to counsel my brothers and sisters in need of comfort, understanding and love. He also enlivened in me the desire to receive Him in daily communion. And He gives me the grace to reconcile myself with Him to purify this spiritual union.

As my relationship with Him grew, my encounters with Him became more familiar and I have come to know Him in more intimate ways. Sometimes He is simply Listener. Sometimes He is the perfect Gentleman. He talks to me over cups of coffee. He says something to me from a book or a line from a movie. He reaches out His hand to me through a friend. He moves me through nature`s bounty and beauty. He admonishes me in the confessional. He loves me through my parents. He affirms me through the random people He sends me to practice His most favorite verb, love.

But I do not always see God`s hand at work. When He calls me, I do not always respond immediately. And my answer is not always yes. Sometimes I consider His work as my work. When He commands me, I forget that He has already planted the seeds and given them life; that all I really needed to do was to tend to them.

Sometimes I feel the weight of responsibility for His people heavy on my shoulders, forgetting that the burden is not mine to lift but His. I sometimes listen to the evil voices reminding me of my unworthiness, making me feel unequal to the task. I forget that the One who sends me is the limitless source of all strength and I will be prepared for the mission at hand. I forget also that God has riddled my life with trials and sufferings that already molded my character and refined, if not perfected my faith. I forget that I have been well and truly broken especially for God`s holy purpose.

Fortunately, these memory losses are but short-term. He sends legions of angels to remind me that I am His and that He is in charge of every aspect of my life.If I have suffered enough and cried out for help, He would always make sure I have learned the lesson first before He exempt me or take me away from the experience. His tests are only difficult if I do things my way. The evil one will show me ways to cheat. He will tempt me to choose what is convenient over what is right. And sometimes, he will also make me feel it is more important to be right than to be good. But God`s rules on good and evil are unchanging and could never be manipulated. No matter how modern the times may be, His laws could never be compromised. I love how patient He is with me when I choose convenience over righteousness, or pride over goodness. I love how lovingly He corrects me even when my mistakes have caused others and Him great pain. I love how He continues to love me and shower blessings upon me even though I have been far away from Him. He never fails to remind me that He has never forgotten me even if I have forgotten Him.

What I love most are the times God gives me a second chance to make things right, to do better, to forgive, to reach out, to take responsibility, to bring peace, to serve, to love. He makes me feel like my past mistakes never happened; that when I repented for all my sins, I am made as white as snow by His forgiveness. He gives me a clean slate. He gives me a fresh start. He gives me more than I deserve. Those times are the best…to be back in God`s favor, to admit mistakes and learn from them, to know humility and know I have nothing to boast before God, to surrender everything and let His will be done.

When God gave the instructions in Corinthians on how to love, He was really speaking to me about the kind of Love He has for me. And He never gave instructions which He never backed up by solid examples. The whole story of Jesus` Crucifixion is a poignant love story…and a seemingly unrequited one at that. When my mother told me this story when I was a little girl, I wanted to do physical harm to everyone who ever caused Jesus pain. Now I am older, I die a little death for the pain I myself have inflicted upon Him.

Sometimes I wonder where that little girl had gone. I wonder how I allowed the world to soil my soul and corrupt my heart. But when God looks at me, He only sees that little girl who loved Him with all her heart. And He gently coaxes me to let that little girl out and love Him again. He reaches out His hand, silently asking me to have faith in Him. And little by little, that child-like trust and love for God fought their way out. And I am His little girl once more. My Father`s love has never left me empty or cold or wanting. He has made me complete as a person and restored my heart for loving again. He taught me to put the past where it belongs and let Him take care of my future. He only asks me to live NOW. To be present in this moment and open my eyes to His many blessings that are sometimes disguised as adversities. To learn from and appreciate all the people He has handpicked to give me my life`s lessons. But most especially, He asks me to believe and not be afraid.

He is my one true love. He has sewn the blueprint of this love into the tapestry of my soul. This is my map, my guide, my compass if I ever lose my way home. He made sure I can just close my eyes and think of Him and my heart will know where to go. My love for Him is not perfect. But the important thing is that His love for me is. And if I fix my eyes on Him, I will slowly but surely learn His ways.

My life could not be more perfect because I am confident that I am loved perfectly by God. This unshakable truth is my foundation to loving myself more, to loving others more, and most especially, to loving God more. What can I say? I`m a Daddy`s girl.

He is more than enough for me and in Him, my joy is complete...what more could a girl ask for? =)

A very timely household topic we discussed last night

COMPLAINING HEART

It seems to be in a nature of people, even God's people, to complain.When the Israelites were liberated from slavery in Egypt after 430 years, and God have miraculously destroyed the Egyptian army to saved them. In just a short while they were already grumbling against Moses. They grumbled about drinking water (Ex 15:24) and about the lack of food (Ex: 16:2-3) and again about the lack of water (Ex 17:2-3) each time God provided for their needs. The people however were quick to forget the good and kept focusing only on the bad. Today, we still complain.

• We complain about the difficulties of life rather than thanking God for the gift of life.
• We complain about the long mass and the boring homily, rather than praising God for the Eucharistic celebration of his people, where we are able to partake of his very flesh and blood.
• We complain about the dirty and unproductive poor in our midst rather than in seeing them as brethren to love with delightful opportunity to minister to least of our brethren and thus make it to heaven.

REJOICING IN THE CROSS

So if we are to suffer difficulty, trial, pain attacks, lack of appreciation and the like--do not complain rather, rejoice! These opportunities for salvation, for growing in holiness, for being honed as a warrior of God. Such trying times are opportunities for us to follow Christ most closely.

When more money is ask of us by community, rejoice and give, otherwise we robe God of what belongs to Him and we deprive his people of what God intends for them to experience by way of Christian ministry. We rejoice in the privilege of giving, and know that God loves a cheerful giver (2 Cor 9:2-7), otherwise we might give but still fall into the sin of grumbling. As we fail to appreciate the wonderful privilege of being tapped by God to participate in his work. Jesus has said that: "Where your treasure is there also will your heart be" (Mt. 6:21). God does not want your money, He already own everything, right? He wants you and of course when your heart is right then everything else follows according to the will of God.

When people including the poor are hard to love, rejoice, when they're insensitive, unloving, ungrateful, these times are opportunities for us to grow in the Lord. How will we ever grow in patience if there are no people to test your patience? How will we ever grow in forgiveness if there are no people to do wrong? As it is, loving hard to love people is a way for us to grow in important Christian values such as patience, tolerance, perseverance, forgiveness.

Guide Questions:

What are your complains about life, family, work, community, service?

Do you see a brighter side to all this?

Jesus tells those who want to follow him to take up their cross. How do you understand this call? Are you willing to do so?

How can you rejoice in all circumstances?

sharing...

God spoke to me once again. i have been complaining a lot lately... yes, i have gone through so much storms in life and just when i thought i am happily moving on, occurences from the past continue to haunt me.when i was answering above questions, i couldn't stop my tears...i couldn't help but cry..i couldn't help but ask why am i experiencing all these...can i remain strong? sometimes, i get tired and i'm feeling it now but i don't want to dwell on it so much and yet i still have to deal with it. sometimes, i feel there's just so much on my shoulders but that's a plain stupid thought because how can i even claim i am God's faithful servant if i don't take up my cross and follow him? sorry Lord, i have not fully trusted and i know it's wrong. at this point, i'm surrendering all my troubles up to You and i choose to remain happy because that's the kind of life You want me to have---to live the life You have planned for me.

Psalm 139:1-12

¹ O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.

² You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.

³ You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.

⁴ Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.

⁵ You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.

⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

⁷ Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?

⁸ If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, ^a]">[a] you are there.

⁹ If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,

¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

¹¹ If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"

¹² even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

Matthew 6:7-15

7And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. 8Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.
9"This, then, is how you should pray: " 'Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, 10your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. 11Give us today our daily bread. 12Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. 13And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.' 14For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Guide Question/s from In His Steps March 03, 2009:

What are the things that exhaust you? Have you created in your heart a desire to just lift all these up to God?

My answers:

on #1) right now,haunting past
on #2) honestly, the desire is always there but I think I am not trusting enough, i can't help but worry...so help me pray for more strength...strength in every way...spiritual, phsyical, emotional.

how my year started

i have wrapped my 2008 in my previous entry, now let me move on to 2009...it's a bit late, i know.

few hours after we celebrated new year, i received a call from my uncle informing me about the sad news that my lolo emong already passed away. i felt really sad but somehow when you know that a man has done so much and lived fully, you don't want to see that person suffer longer. in my lolo's case, i have been praying for that since i saw him last Christmas. when he was diagnosed of cancer, his body rapidly became weak but his mind remained sharp until his last breath. my grandfather and the life he lived will forever be an inspiration to us, his family and to the people whose lives he has touched during his lifetime being an educator, public official and most of all, as God's servant. during his last days, all he wanted was to serve God more and maybe God wanted him to do this personally :)

i went back to Manila right after lolo's interment and reported to work after three days of being absent. so many projects were left untouched and i was feeling really bad physically due to fatigue and extreme cold climate that PH was experiencing during that week. still, i went to report for work and it was a bad decision, the paracetamols, cough syrup and antihistamine did not do any good. the following day while I was on my way to work, i felt chest pains and it was truly a miracle that i was able to reach the office despite the difficulty in breathing. upon reaching the office, i asked our messenger to send me to the hospital. . . i was in emergency room of The Medical City for almost 9 hours. Let me thank my dear friend, grace for helping me find a room, my family who have been shifting to accompany me in the hospital for four days, my friends and raul for regularly visiting me.after four days of confinement, i was asked to rest for a few more days...so that was my first two weeks of the year...unproductive but very much rested.

i have embraced these words last year

love.leap.online-shopping.organic

that's my whole 2008...and here goes why:

love- since we have celebrated our first year together last month and we're both in our 30's...i need not be cheesy when it comes to talkin' about raul...wonderful...enough said.haha!

leap- career-wise, so glad to be facing new challenges :)

online-shopping-okay, now i can write more than a phrase or two. i can even write a novel,hehehe. i've been with multiply site since 2004. i've been keeping all my pictures here and it's more updated than any of my networking accounts and blogs.i never thought i'll see this site in a different light when i've discovered that a lot of people have been using this site to sell stuff.late 2008, i also bought some quite good and unique stuff.

first, is my everyday-office bag that i've purchased from sofistique . this is annie11.

this is a three-way bag that can be used as:

a) messenger bag
b) hand/shoulder bag
c) backpack bag

whenever i use this, people always say that it's beautiful.well, it is and i love the fact that i can be stylish and yet can still carry all my stuff in one bag. it's spacious and has a lot of pockets. very functional.

second, is my design your life planner from cnsdesigns .

i love the way i can personalize it . it looks plainly nice outside and yet so colorful inside. as a corporate person though i find some contents "too youthful" for me. haha. anyway, another thing i like about this is that i don't get to see a lot of people having this kind of planner...and if ever there are, content-wise...evrything would be different as each planner owner has its own style of using their creativity.

my online-buys are always stylish, functional and personal...must fit my lifestyle and character...well, that goes generally as my shopping style. since i'm not an impulsive buyer myself, going on-line makes me think carefully first before buying and i so love it...no pressure.

and oh btw, i have been selling stuff in multiply also early this year. if you are into personalized, couple's shirts and teddy bears, kindly visit http://www.jansixmktg.multiply.com/ .

third, is related to my last on the list of my 2008 words---organic

late this year, i discovered organic hair and skin care products online. i have been buying these products from humanheartnature :

HAIR CARE (shampoo, conditioner, hair mask)

one of my long-time problems is my serious, uncontrollable hair-fall. i am so thankful that these products have lessen this problem. at first, i only bought 50 mL of shampoo and conditioner, after a week of testing the products, i bought biggest sizes of each. using all these to my hair often doesn't make me worry that it'll be bad for my scalp because it's 100% organic and has no harmful chemicals. in fact, i don't feel any itchiness.

BODY, FACIAL AND LIP CARE (facial cleanser, make-up remover, toner,massage oil, shaving oil, lip balm, solid perfume)

i don't wear make-up often as removing it would take time and so much pain...ouch.. normally, i just put on moisturizer because facial products irritate my skin. good thing, i have discovered these facial products that are all-natural.their massage oil relaxes me and their shaving oil is very much gentle on the skin. my nose is quite sensitive to smell because i'm asthmatic, cologne has always been my everyday partner and now with solid perfume, i can enjoy the perfume-scent without the sneeze..hehe..oh, a must-try is also their lip balm...my one year old niece also loves it :) we are now both organic kikays.

i haven't tried all their products though, the above products are my first buys and i only bought the essentials. this company doesn't only help the environment but also our country by also supporting gawad kalinga.

how else have i gone organic? okay,okay i am no vegetarian but i do love veggies and fish more than meat but i'm still carnivorous. mid this year, i started eating brown rice...it's the only rice at home...not that i'm on a diet but i'm trying to reduce rice intake of my siblings and that goes to me too.haha. also, i've minimized use of paper and plastic bags...canvass bags are not only the in thing nowadays but it's very environment-friendly and at least in my own little way, i am helping mother nature.

these are my so-called new discoveries for 2008. the rest remain intact--- sanity, family and sevice to community.