About my Blog

Stories of a thirty something girl. She travels.She reads.She writes.She dreams.She prays.She lives.

Mar 2, 2011

I have been deceived. How about you? (a reflection on SFC 18th ICON)

the recent SFC ICON experience is indescribable.it's actually quite difficult to organize my thoughts and emotions as i write this blog entry.this entry has been in my "drafts" folder for so many days now.

the experience was overwhelming. a weekend spent with lovers of Christ has always been very nourishing to one's soul most especially to a wandering soul like me. i was again reminded to be strong...to stand...to fight.

i have numerous unanswered questions, unrealized goals and forgotten dreams. Because things aren't turning out the way i wish them to be, I have started to doubt myself...maybe "I am not good enough", "I am not beautiful enough" "I just don't have what it takes". I have started to accept things as they are --there are just things not meant to be. as for my life, it's just not meant to be easy.

i thought all my emotions are valid, i have accepted all the facts anyway but moving on from my past doesn't necessarily mean i have been moving forward. the enemy has been deceiving me with all the good lies. my community, my service and expression of my  faith became my comfort zones . my known facts are not God's realities. often times, i simply deny the truth in front of me and i have not been picking up all the lessons from the trials i have faced.i became very complacent. i realized i need to know what my true battles are and gear up for the real fight.i should be consciously aware and fight for my heart's convictions...and i myself should be convinced enough to take a stand.admittedly, the devil's trap is so beautifully wrapped that i fall in sometimes.unconsciously,along the way under the enemy's trap, i have lost my sense of self and my true essence being God's beloved daughter.

since life is all about choices and God's greatest gift to us is free will, the search for happiness has become a continuous struggle. along the way, we may get hurt because of the wrong choices we made or even because we chose to be right. hence, we should not forget (let me quote our ICON 2nd session speaker Fr. Joel Jason) that "no area in your life is so painful that God's grace cannot bring total healing". Even in our pains, God's greatness can be revealed.

The battle is not just external, sometimes, the greater battle is what's inside of us .How we deal with our inner struggles are just being manifested with our actions. I'm almost 11 years in SFC and  sadly , I couldn't even consider myself to be strong enough.In my dark moments that I am clouded by doubts and fears, the enemy successfully made me feel "abandoned". However, every time I surrender all up to God and every time I acknowledge that I am helpless and weak- I once again feel His love and protection. It didn't go away,  I just failed to recognize that it was there all along.

Let's pray for one another --- that in our daily lives, we choose only what's true, let us not be deceived by the father of lies. Let us all remember that Jesus has already won our victory. Everyday, let us protect ourselves from the enemy's onslaught by putting on The Full Armor of God.

1 comments:

Renee said...

Very well said Jeng... Thanks for sharing... Looking forward for more blogs from you. You are inspiring me.. Renee